i play

red light roulette

at the intersection.

afraid

to move

when green

light shines

(afraid to go)

why do i only move forward

when i am

not supposed to?

it was a slow drift

into the fog

everyone around me

they say that

they feel this

this

this

this

this is happy

this is fun

this is exciting

and i feel

absolutely nothing.

i was not trying

to cut the roots

(bleed sap-blood)

maybe

paper thin leaves

beneath

paper thin skin

would want to see

the sun

maybe

it would help

to let some light

into the darkness.

maybe

i would try to

feel again

but this tree

does not need

sunlight,

not like i do.

it turns it's boughs

towards to blackness.

it is so tempting

to let you live on

in my body

but i must let you go

(not grow)

you are my anchor

you told me

but you only wanted

to keep me

beneath

you

climbing a mountain

sitting at the top

with granola bars

and apples

she says

its all

satisfaction

and relief

and wonder

and awe.

i ran

to the tree

in the garden

on comly avenue

sat in the rain

sat in the branches

wet skin on skin

and waited for the lightning

but it never came so

i ran.

is that an

airplane or

a star?

you can wish without

a star,

(did you know this?)

you can

wish and

you can

hope.