Insecurities roll in.
Put a lighter to my thoughts,
up in smoke & burning.
full of doubt.
I wish my mind had a drain,
just like water in a tub, emptying.
Diverging my attention.
Looking towards the stars,
as a mariner on sea, navigating.
Thinking of you,
My wasted time, I bet lots on you,
how they do at casinos, gambling.
Too many what-if’s
I feel my brain start to rattle,
same as magic 8 balls, answering.
Recalling great memories
Laying here, replaying my past,
similar to a video tape, rewinding.
I am content.
Some times I’m not & then I am,
arguing with myself, debating.
Desperate for sleep.
My eyelids turn into blinds,
they slowly come down, closing.
All for a man who breaks in illegally
Christmas time is almost here.
Houses decorated, holiday cheer.
Black Friday shopping, gift deals.
Parent’s stress, budgets stretched.
Kids making their Christmas lists.
Elf on the shelf, a mistletoe kiss.
Presents wrapped, secretly hid.
Put up the tree, ornaments amid.
Following our family traditions.
Baking cookies, new Green dishes
Candy canes, family visits
Chronicling an adult’s Christmas.
Eagerly waiting for St. Nicholas.
Rest In Peace
Eyes of emerald green, glistening.
Like two vast rolling fields, easy getting lost in.
Miles & Miles of mystery & depth
Those eyes hide hurt, darkness & memories.
Two vast rolling fields, she uses as a cemetery.
Piles of her pain, waiting in their graves.
Burying her emotions behind eyes of emerald green.
My minds riddled with disease.
A walking contradictory.
I am one being with two personalities.
My biggest obstacle is I versus me.
Im not what you see, exactly.
But what you see, really is me.
It leads into chaos called anxiety.
Established, is what you perceive me to be.
I feel as if I’m worth nothing.
It’s like my mind speaks negativity.
Brave, fighting for my beliefs on national tv.
Behind closed doors I’m weak.
I need a mental break I think.
All of this handed down to me genetically.
A collection of mental instability.
Then we have the best of all, the hyperactivity.
I’ll never understand the adhd
It is and isn’t sometimes a blessing.
My parents predisposed me, unknowingly.
Both schizophrenic, Collectively.
Mental health is an enemy.
Tea for two
Shots with you
Bedtime by midnight
Out ’til sunlight
Acting on impulse
Living it simple
Casual sex fades
Making love sate
Wild and free
Snuggle with me
We are trouble
Home’s our bubble
Just a phase
Forever and always
Thankfully parted ways
Real love stays
Who, What, When, Why?
Who has ever started the idea of social constructs?
People are people, nothing should matter except personality, respect & another's conduct.
What cost would you pay in order to stay relevant?
Not until I turned thirty, have I contemplated it. Let’s teach the youth to fit in…within personal boundaries they set.
When did they start to pressure us all, implying to say & do whatever we need to live life wealthy & prominent?
I wish we were taught it’s what’s on the inside, not to focus on the outside like we’re false objects.
Why has this world fallen dependent on false ideals & to shun anyone who may think differently than you?
The fact that we’re encouraged to be the same as everyone so we have an easier life, rather than our authentic selves… trust me, it’s untrue!
Where The Wild Things Are
Mischief, that’s all Max’s mother seen.
He was wearing his wolf suit.
As he ran around, acting obscene.
She’s had enough!
She let out a roar, “Wild thing”, she screamed.
Max told her that he’d eat her up.
So he was sent to bed, no eating or anything
Max was misunderstood.
He hopped on a sail boat, quickly.
His imagination was very vivid.
Soon he arrived where the wild things must be.
The beasts tried to make him fearful.
He said “Be still”, taming them magically.
They claimed him to be the most wild thing.
Max frightened them because he wasn’t afraid.
He was crowned to be their king.
“Let the wild Rumpus Start“, Max yelled.
Max & the beasts danced around, some did sing
Max had enough!
He sent them to bed without something to eat.
What Max wanted, was to be near loved ones.
So he jumped on his sail boat, off to sea.
All of the beasts wanted him to stay!
Unhappy, the beasts showed Max their teeth.
It didn’t work, “we love you“ they cried.
He knew home, he’s destined to be.
Finally, Max was back in his room.
There sat his dinner, a nice surprise.
The best part, it was still warm!
I Should Be Asleep
Many nights I lay awake, my eyes take off swimming through a dark broad sky.
Hypnotized by the deep black depth, into navy blue gradients
My mind takes flight to the brightest star, burning a cranberry
color, so radiant.
Every star twinkled so proud, scattered, messy like tinsel on a tree thrown up there maybe by aliens.
We humans have that one thing in common, we see the same moon and stars across the globe from Egypt, U.s to the Virgin Islands.
Just enough to illuminate the birth of civilization up until the day that this world will end.
Instead of sleeping, I brainstorm ways I can extend a cane to pull the moon & stars to my window pane.
My eyes get tired, but keep on swimming, imaging if falling comets sound like a carol sang in the unison way.
If I could pick, I’d be nocturnal to avoid lights, study astronomy from present day.
My eyes finally came back to me, a slumber I’d fallen fast into with hopeful thoughts, I can’t complain.
There’s one day a year, families come in to enjoy their company & an over filled plate.
We have turkey & Stuffing made with sage, fake smiles & secret competition to see whose family’s more great.
Mashed potatoes & gravy, rather buttering bread, they butter each other up to have someone on their side for political debates.
I love the rutabaga, it’s my favorite & I enjoy every bite while I watch it be avoided like I avoid The cousins with uncunning traits.
They love green bean casserole, it’s full of cheese, ritz, add in jealousy over stories of the pretend lives they create.
Some try the spaghetti squash, it’s savory & sweet, not like the brother-in-law who uses people to pump up an ego that he needs to inflate.
I can’t forget the corn, that’s a staple food, salted & peppered with a dash of the aunts in the kitchen whispering about their daily complaints.
My husband & I adore the pumpkin pie, two slices apiece that we take to the kids table, the adults & we just don’t relate.
Sometimes Things Shape Up
Growing up my Mom worked a lot and my Dad was a good Dad when we was around. This year my parents were together, living in my mother’s new home. She decided to have Thanksgiving at our house for her side of the family and my father’s. This was the first time, ever. They were married since 1988, it was 2001… trust me, it being the first meant something ridiculous would play out.
My parent’s had a chaotic marriage, they either loved each other or hated each other. When they laughed, they laughed hard… it wasn’t often. My sister and I heard them in the kitchen, hysterical! It was nice to see them together, so we ran down the steps and into the kitchen. My mom came walking out of the downstairs bathroom with a new unused razor, plastic cap still on it. It was the kind of razor women use to shave their legs, etc. She walked over to the sink, laid the razor on the counter & asked my father to hold the turkey, firm. The look in my face must have been priceless because both my parents noticed and laughed more.
The turkey still had a mass amount of feathers on it. She was late purchasing the turkey because of work. Gerritys had a kosher turkey, she said,“what the hell” & grabbed it. My dad took it out of the freezer to thaw, but kept it in the plastic packaging. My mother cut the packaging open & hit the ground laughing.
I watched these two spend two hours having to shave the god damn turkey, my Dad drinking beer & my mom drinking mixed drinks. I’m sure it would not have took that long, but they were laughing so hard. Having to watch that play out was one of those things that people wouldn’t believe. Never will I find someone talk about their mother and father shaving the feathers off of the Thanksgiving turkey.