it is one of my heart's desire

to be nestled into you without end

for I am the warmest there

filled with the most calm

being by your side has found me in surrender

and it was one of the rare moments

in my life

that I had NO reason to fight

and maybe I had said it way too many times

(perhaps)

but surrendering to you... to us

in those moments when I lay by your side

it always has the same flavor

the same taste

somehow, it always feels like coming back home

I have several decades

written into my calendar

but through all the years put on my tab

you're the only person that I have found a home in

I have air to breathe

yet you are the only air that fills me whole

I have warmth in me

yet you are the heat that I truly need

I have a life to live in,

a world to sleep in

yet the life I want to live is by your side

and the place I want to rest is in our bed

between the walls of our home

my muscles ache

and my soul cries out for you

it needs you close

this body of mine yearns to rest in your embrace

but it is my spirit

that constantly calls out your name

( that has not changed - it called for you

even when it did not know

how you feel

just inches away )

my being always cried for you,

and rebelled against the injustice caused by the lack of your presence

but now it is even LOUDER

singing about you after days spent in the turquoise depths

of the water

that soothed us both.

and after joining in our little sanctuary

by the ocean and sand,

it cannot stand the distance it has away from

your fingertips,

from your skin,

your touch

oh how it HOWLS at the most random moments

I am unwell

disconnected in the world I live in

breathing too shallow, too mundane to suffice

when the only time I can breathe deeply is by your side

this soul is lost even after given the map to its home

its pieces are not in place

I am a dislocated shoulder

constantly throbbing for you

I am unwell

without the warmth of my February sun

a winter's warmth glow

that carries heat throughout the year

I feel how you ache for me

and it's a pain that hits me double

as it is a pain that is also my own

it is the same

this ache filters through every layer of my skin

it vibrates in my muscles

it is a constant cacophony of sounds rushing through my bloodstream,

I do not speak all of this often

actually it is quite rare

but what you say with words

I say with my stare

I sing in the silence in-between that I know you sense

and hear it in a way

I am unwell

I function,

I attend life,

I attend people

the air in lungs is without any damage, that is true

and yet, in the end, I seem to be covered with tiny holes

a stained colored-glass letting in light

but not holding in warmth for too long

you're everything

you bind my particles and make them a galaxy

a magnificent cluster of stars

that expends every night

until it becomes your universe

I am your

universe

and you are mine

and all I want is to collide into you

and STAY

I wanted to share it,

my feelings even if they are mostly a flood now

but I try to focus on every little wave

so I can read their lines to you

just a tiny soul missing her home

I feel you through the light that you cascade over the ocean

but I need to touch you to once again feel human

I am without walls

I am without windows

I am without wooden floors

and concrete pavements

to our home

I'm re-building my wings

so the ocean can become

only a drop as small dewdrop

placed on a flame-colored rose

"Oh, lights go down

In the moment, we're lost and found

I just wanna be by your side

If these wings could fly

For the rest of our lives"

mostly feelings in me,

so communicating through songs

(something to start with

while there is too much ocean

in one small human being)

this sphere in me

gravitates to yours without thinking

(just feelings, trembling, and vibrating to the movements

of your molecules)

still sensing each thread of your fabric

between my fingers

each tilted beam of light that has marked my skin

with your touch,

searching for air

in the vastness of this cosmos

that lacks of oxygen,

these lungs filter with stars instead of crimson

these veins are filled

with fragmented daisies and poppy petals

all dancing in my system

on paved yellow bricked walls

that lead to the Sun

I have always yearned for

and that captivated my dreams for so long,

in your presence I find air

that doesn't just fill my lungs

I find air that reaches to the deepest corners

of my being

and fills it with relief

with new smells, and bright new colors

this sphere in me

gravitates to yours without thinking, without knowing

it calls you, it reaches out

knowing that it will not rest

until our spheres come once again as one

I had someone once that was made of cosmic dust

rebelious, full of life

always falling down from a star

someone both strong and fragile ( but aren't we all like that? )

and the stars she would fall down from

were always constructed

of sharp-cut edges

( they sparkled beautifully

reflected in the moon but they caused wounds, they caused red tears

in between the fabric of her heart )

I felt someone once that was made of cosmic dust

they bled with moondrops

sugar and traumas held too tight,

they kept their innocence

even when the world

kept crushing their shell, their armour

I met someone once that

was made of cosmic dust,

of glitter and the biggest of hearts

a someone I tried to glue back together

after each of their falls

I took a needle and countless moon threads

to mend what was damaged

I helped, I soothed

but she was never mine to fix,

and after light years from that time

I have found that what needed

to be mended

was only for her to heal

I knew someone once

that was made of cosmic dust

and now they are a new born planet

that learned how to breathe

in their own beautiful cosmic depths

and as painful as it was

you becoming a planet on your own

without my help, without my moonlit soul

gave me the power to become a planet of my own

a cosmic dust that found her own home

a melody just for her