I stitched

our fingers

t o g e t h e r

to force

a love

t o g e t h e r.

But no matter how tightly woven they were

you would always

find a way

to break them

a p a r t.

(Why did I keep letting you break my heart?)

It seems as if—

where am I?

I was just—

why?

No.

How did it get to this point?

I miss you.

Hello?

Can anyone hear me?

Please help me!

I can’t seem to—

Why can’t I move?

I want to go—

I don’t have a home.

I miss you.

The blood is on my hands—

I want to forget.

No!

I can’t.

It hurts.

I love you!

No.

No.

NO.

Why did you have to do this?

Why did you have to—

How could you leave me?!

I miss you.

I

M i s s

You.

Come back.

Why did you slit your wrists?

I watched you—

No.

You

are

Alive.

I just want—

When—?

How—?

I was just with you...

How did I get here?

Why do

my emotions

keep

drifting away?

(I want them to stay.)

But when I grasp at them

they always deflate...

(I want to feel featherweight.)

They

always seem

to pop...

(I want this all to stop).

I keep trying

but these

feelings

keep dying.

(I want to be flying).

These balloons of emotions

make me feel

nothing

but dead.

When will this fucking end?

the crystal blue

sky

deepens

with

shades

and hues

as my love

deepens for you.

golden

stars

glide,

glistening

in the dark

depths

of night.

my hand

softly

sips

in

your smooth

edges

as

we dance

with

fire,

lighting

the empty possibilities

with liquid magic.

i swallow

this serene

dusk

with ravenous

lust,

hoping

to be filled by

the infinite

wonders

of this midnight dream.

But even the moon

fades

into dust,

and this love

will never last

past the

glassy

glow

of the

hopeful stars.

(so let’s dip our souls in this cloudless blue and let them harden like the golden memories of this unforgettable moment.)

lilacs softly sway

to the sweet hum

of her sugary voice

dipped in crystallized rays

of sunny days.

her lips melt

my shivering heart

into pools

of fragile emotions

flowing endlessly between

the cracks of my soul.

she tastes

of lemongrass

and feels

of petaled flowers

that arose

my senses

to infinite heights.

she has found a way

to wrap me in a warm filled bubble

that makes

the world

seem so small

yet so large,

but it’s with careless knowing

as the only

thing

that matters

is living

with this golden goddess of mine.

Have you ever

looked over an edge

and felt a sort of

invisible weight

pressing down on

your frozen frame?

Every end

to a stable platform

leads my thoughts

to the unstable

emptiness

that comes from

o n e

s t e p

f o r w a r d.

Every time I look down

with h o l l o w eyes

and mystified lies

my heart beats slower

(as if it knows

I’m okay with the way

the ground sways

closer

beckoning me

to let go.)

Every time

I lean over

an edge

my mind

p l u n g e s into rivers

swimming about

in thoughts

rushing past me so fast.

(fear courses through my veins like ice).

When I stand

close

to my death

my limbs

f r e e z e over

(I can’t move, I can’t move, I can’t move).

You’d think

it was the distance

between

me and the ground

that I am afraid of.

But it isn’t the falling

I’m afraid of;

It’s the knowing

that I want to

take that one step forward

into the unstable abyss

that jolts me backwards

with heavy breaths.

“I’m just afraid of heights” I say

but really

I’m afraid of myself.

—phone rings—

my heart beats

f r a n t i c a l l y

—phone rings—

why does he decide to call now?

it’s been years

of voicemails

and

s i l e n c e

years of

l o n e l i n e s s

and

w o n d e r i n g

(wondering where i went wrong, or if he still cared)

—phone rings—

Y E A R S

doesn’t he realize how much that hurt me?

years

of

late night

whiskey tears

years

of

straining to read

glowing texts in the dark

attempting to find the answer

to all of my

b u r n i n g

questions

—phone rings—

no

he does not get to call me

after all of these years

of

e m p t i n e s s

(it isn’t fair)

—phone rings—

(i take one deep breath)

i will not stoop down to his level

“Hello”

(that one word was the start of a conversation but the end to years of suffering)

i want to fly away

on wings of glossy night

far into the sky

becoming a star

(a beautiful sight)

i want to swim

in the ocean of darkness

surrounded by lightness

(because it is only my content-ness that matters)

let me

fly away

into the unknown

for i am not afraid of fear

when all I have to do

is leap

into the dark

with

glittering hope

riding on my back.

let me fly away

for

i

am

ready

to

live

can you help me

when I’m in this state

of unknowingness

not

knowing

what

way is

th e

r igh t

w a

y.

im struggling

cant you see?

im

b r ea k ing

cr a ck ing

like a beat up

mirror.

im

s

h

a

t

t

e

r

i

n

g

im in pain

and I don’t know

how to put my mirror

back together

i dont know

how to see

cl ea rly

anymore.

(can you replace my broken mirror?)