Qualms in the Audubon Butterfly Garden
At this moment in time,
(almost 3 years ago)
I felt pressure to choose between them.
Them; my sister and my husband.
My two great loves.
It may seem as though
I’m beseeching the heavens
I’m being welcomely distracted
By a beautiful passing butterfly.
Like it or Lump it
I was texting one of my favorite people and I remember thinking;
Show her how she makes you feel so she can be comfortable to do the same. Gosh, my crazy hair! Don't take the picture. Mmm, do it. Don't be a punk.
Yeah, my mind was flying around like a boomerang in that moment because I never show my natural hair out and wild like that. So, this was an opportunity to step out of my comfort zone. Plus, I wanted to show my favorite person that I don't like taking pictures either but I do it because it puts a smile on her face as I hope she gets more comfortable, too. :)
I already have my face on my profile picture ( Maskless) so I'm taking this time to shamefully showcase the best football team in the world--the Denver Broncos !! I hope this shows up well when it's uploaded!
Who Am I?
WTF am I doing here?
I’m 48 (correction the Big 50) in this picture. My family turned their backs on me and threw me out like trash. I knew it was going to happen. I am all alone, abandoned. My fears came true. I have been rejected no one loves me, and I knew it. They never cared and now they are showing it.
I became homeless in 2019 walking the streets of Dallas all year. Because of the people I gave my life to for 30 years, rejected me.
But in that time of hopelessness and despair. I learned who I was. I learned Who God is for me. I learned true love is loving me. For me to stop giving my good love to others who only reject it. For me to see the creation I am. I Know my truth.
I have a better idea of what my purpose is today at 52, but I still feel clueless.
It’s a dog eat dog world
I’ve been thrown to the wolves
I am being devoured
bent over and fucked
hour after hour
I ask for help from God
from man, woman
guides and angels
and nothing happens.
More despair is what I get
when I say those prayers.
To the Man upstairs.
That’s because I must
reject the shit love being offered.
Be patient for God’s love
it’s rare, You must wait for it
Miracles come in the last hour
the darkest hour, when there is
I must reject and
I will no longer
I Could Burn Away
I could burn away on the wind
And no one would notice.
I am a wisp in this whole game
Just like everyone else.
I'll pretend I'm special
Even though I know I'm not.
I'm one with this place
And with you.
Look at my face and see
What you can find
And I'll keep on acting
Like this will matter at all.
In this picture..
you see me waiting in alert. i just molted an hour before, and have eaten the shed skin. i look soft and cuddly, but soon, the new exposed layer of outer skin will harden. being molted and soft is dangerous, as the other carnivores of the swamp may take this as an opportunity to strike. so i need to be on my guard. at the moment i was caught on film, i was thinking how eating the shed skin should be done differently, possibly with some sauce, or as a salad. i recall also wondering if the cameraman who is taking this picture is aware of the radioactivity level he’s exposed to.
that used to be a big problem, radioacticity, that is. there are almost no photos of me from the past, as that film would mostly burn, and photographers would suffer from radiation poisoning, if they were not wearing protective clothing. it was a sad example of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. luckily, i have since changed my living environment to great extent, and now return to the dumpsite only when there is a new batch of my favorite sludge. living in a mostly radioactive-free lifestyle has also reduced the frequancy of molting. now, a simple dandruf shampoo is all i need as a precaution. the days of dermatophagy are finished i am sad to say. as it turns out, molted skin does not taste better with sauce. only more fattening. better to eat greens, you guys.
In 2013 a woman hit me texting while driving
I tried to kill myself about two months in because I had went insane from pain
It was not a small attempt
After a few months of hell, I was diagnosed with something called 'the suicide disease'
I was lucky enough to be seen by the man who actually wrote the book on the disorder
In 2014 I had my first 2 brain injuries
Wind can cause me to pass out from pain seizures
Before I knew this beast's full backstory and how it got it's name I had already lost 3 people I had met who kill themselves.
my whole life changed... for many years I wondered what that text was
Seven years of tourture
Winter can kill you if you have a pain stroke so everyone with the diagnosis wears scarves
This photo was taken for an education guide to train first responders, nurses, and doctors
Most poeple with the diagnosis have attempted or completed suicide in the first two years
The world health organization (WHO) does not recognize the TN because of it's rarety
That means way less if any research and supports are happening while men, women, and children are killing themselves from pain.
Our local news meteorologist, mom of two young children killed herself 3 months after a lazer eye surgery gave her a form of TN in her eye
The story was about the details of her suicide and the NEWS did nothing to share awareness or outline the reasons why the pain was too much so not to sway people from the laser eye treatments- a big sponsor of the morning news, even though 15 other people who has the same proceedure also ended up with a suicide disease.
sponsorship over suicide disease...
I was thinking she looked adorable & I wanted a picture to capture the moment.
Let me tell you about a 3am photo shoot in my bathroom in order to make myself stay awake to finish all of my work. It was awful my contacts were drying out my eyes I felt gross and tired so what better confidence booster than to set up your phone and take some pictures. This is one of the results the rest are far, far more dramatic.