I’ve just begun telling my secrets, only recently. I was programmed being told over and over again, DON’T TALK!

”you don’t air your dirty laundry”

“don’t let your skeleton’s out of the closet”

don’t tell your dirty little secrets”

“you gotta go along to get along”

“don’t tattle”

“snitches get stitches”

“no one likes a tattle tale”

then we’ve got a song to go along making sure we “DON’T TELL” called “Tattletail”

″tattletail tattletail hanging from a bull’s wire, if he hollers make him pay $50 every day”

if you say something you will pay!

I was taught very firmly if I spoke I got beaten!!! I was told daily, ”you’re to be seen NOT heard.” 100 % truth! I had a very evil “dad” he beat me, locked me in the darkness of the cold cellar for days, to keep me from talking and telling about his dirty little deeds!

it’s taking me 50 years to finally talk and ”let the cat out of the bag” “open that whoop ass can of worms” now I am doing as I was created to be. I was born to talk! literally, my numerology says I was born to talk, no wonder I keep being beaten! they keep beating me and choking me trying to silence me but I was born to talk, there is no silencing me now. I have a metal plate in my face from being beaten so badly!!! Numerology also said I was born to write. So here I am putting these two things together I was born to do. Talking with my written words.

The biggest secret was kept from myself, and I just learned of it. I am still in shock!

Now I understand why my "mom" walked out of the door when I was two never to see her again. Now I understand why there are NO pictures of my “mother” being pregnant with me but getting married to my dad after I arrived. Now I understand why I was so terribly abused!!! Trying to keep me from talking!!! Now I KNOW why I don’t look like ONE person in that family. My ex-husband and our daughters are the only ones who saw then people who said they are my family and they ALL say I look NOTHING like any of them, I totally don’t fit with them, now I understand!

I understand why I was only a possession like luggage they had to lug around. A burden, a pain, annoyance, because...

Those people that said they are my family ARE NOT!!! I don’t know how they ended up with me, but now I understand why we always moved, we lived in the car most of the time. I never had food or clothes. As soon as a school would ask questions we moved! No furniture, no home for most of the time.

Now it makes sense why when he (daddy dearest) handed me my ten inches by five inches black with white writing birth certificate he said ”DON’T LOSE THIS, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO REPLACE IT, YOU WERE BORN ON THE NAVY BASE AND IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET PAPERWORK”

I lost it last year when I became homeless. Now I am not being able to replace it just like he said!!! Crazy!!! It all makes sense why her (my “mother’s) parents lived fifteen mins from my dad’s parents but they NEVER came to see me or call me or anything! I never knew them ever! Makes sense... I didn’t "belong" to them!

The biggest secret was kept from me! from myself and I just learned of it 3 days ago.

I AM AN ORPHAN!!! I HAVE NO PARENTS!!! NO FAMILY!!! NO ONE!!!

I just found out my mom was raped and she died in birth. No family. No parents. Orphan... man this is hard to learn after 52 years.

I am completely alone currently not one person is in my life! I’ve been thrown out to the curb like trash just before I turned 50! I heard this happens to the women, but I didn’t think it would happen to me. I am told I am beautiful, you act like beauty is treated so great, ha a big HA! I was married 30 to the same abusive man, finally left, daughters turned their backs on me don't talk to me now. I gave my life up for those people and for what? to be thrown out like trash.

It's terrible people treating each other like this when IT'S family. Like it's ok to shit on family. Treat them however you want. They always have to forgive and love you, you "family" not my case.

I didn’t obtain my secret from any person. This information came to me in a way I cannot deny, in a way it isn’t from anyone other than God himself.

It all makes so much sense, why I have been so alone in the world my whole life.

My purpose for being born and being here is to show the world we DON’T "BELONG" TO ONE ANOTHER. Your children don’t belong to you, we should not attach ourselves to family as we do.

We won’t know who we are created to be, we won’t know who we are, as long as we are focusing on others and attaching ourselves to others. To know thyself is to KNOW your creator.

The secrets my “dad” didn't't want me to tell are about the daily, stripped naked, beatings until I bled! The many times he placed me on the bed for I was too small to climb on it myself, yelling at me to “lay there at take it” as he let the men put their dicks in me at the age of three and four, for his drugs. Yes, daddy dearest loved his drugs more! Now I understand how he did what he did, he isn’t my “dad”

He thought I wouldn’t remember! I remember I remember so much!!!!

It is him who doesn’t remember because he was always drunk and doing his drugs!!! He was most abusive! Beating me ALL THE TIME, scaring me, waking me up every night in the middle of the night, starting at the age of two, making me make my bed until he could pop a quarter on it! I always had bursies and cuts on me.

I always thought the teachers never did anything about it, they saw. I always thought they didn't care. Now I believe “daddy dearest” fled, took me away in the white four-door with red interior “getaway car”. My ninth grade year alone I went to 7 different schools. I never even got a report card that year, we moved every time just before I was going to get it. We MOVED ALL THE TIME.

He IS a demon, I am an angel. I am God’s messenger. I have two unbelievable crazy 100 % true stories about seeing “daddy dearest” die... only NOT dying!

CRAZY

He was impaled facing up the first time. He was in an accident on the navy ship, there was an explosion and it blew him backward onto a pile where he was impaled and he got ran over by a big heavy metal car in the 70′s The car skidded on his head and came to a complete stop on top of his head! Yes, the car tire/wheel was on top of his head when it stopped. I had to scream at the person " you're on my dad's head, you're on my dad's head" it’s a very long story and crazy as fuck!

This is all very true, and if you heard the things I’ve lived through, you will ask “HOW DO YOU STILL SMILE?” it is what everyone asks...

Because I came here looking for love, you came here looking for a job, families, and homes. I found the key to heaven, it’s not Jesus. It’s LOVE. You must find love, and when you do... never let it go, not for anyone, especially the demons! For if you do, you don’t get into heaven.

I found God’s law

“for as LOVE cannot dwell in any place expect the Soul ( Psyche ) and the Soul can Only enter heaven through LOVE!”

It is love we need to go be with God, not guns, not a church, not a bible, not a husband or wife, not children, not anything you can touch or see. Only feel, it’s in your own heart. You must know how to love you, or you will never love your creator. To love you and know who you are is LOVE!

Now that I KNOW WHO I AM... next are my powers and abilities. WE ALL HAVE THEM.

Athena

09/28/2020

2:22 am

I have a lot of secrets.

But I suppose the one that I'm struggling most with at the minute.

I'm an obsessive daydreamer.

I know the impression that gives, and I want to refute that. I'm not an airhead - I went to school, got grades better than the majority of the country. I'm not someone who lacks confidence either - hell, I might hate myself, but I wear who I am with pride, screw ups and all.

That's not my secret. I'm pretty open to the fact that hey - I daydream, and it's a coping method.

No, what I keep secret is how much I do it and just how damn much it affects me. Just how much I'm falling behind in work because I can't stop slipping into my mind.

This facade I've built - it won't take admitting that I need therapy less than a month after I finished it. I can take pain, I can take bad shit happening, but what I can't take - what kills me inside - is that I can't stop this. (It's not for lack of trying.)

And the thing is, see, had it been something physical (I have OCD) I could have snapped myself out of it. I've done it before.

So I suppose my secret is that I spend at least 40-45% of my time daydreaming or wishing I could slip into a daydream.

I hate it. I hate myself.

I'm never going to show that though. That's just not who I am today.

Do you want to hear my own secret? Ok, I will tell you it. Look to below to show my secrets:

- I am very lazy. Yes, that's my helpless side...

- I want to make big money fast. But I don't know how?

- My peers are very lucky boys, but I am...

- I want to love someone. But I can't find her...

- I am firstborn son. I know, that's very responsible...

- I want to kiss white asian or white-european girls. But why? I don't know...

- I am alone. I want to walk alone...

What do think, who am I???