When you find yourself inexplicably married to a peevish quibbler, your first thought is they’ve changed: ‘Such a demonically irascible creature can’t possibly be the same honorable soul I fell in love with all those years ago...there must be some deranged doppelganger at play...’ But one glance confirms your fear; ’Tis still the selfsame domestically faulty being with whom you are intimately accustomed.
There must logically be some mistake; someone to blame.
“What were you thinking, marrying this devil? You concupiscent dolt!” Self-accusations ring through the mental-gates of time.
You find yourself questioning the reality of ‘being in love’ altogether. “probably all just hormones and flights of fancy” you kid yourself.
Despite this comfortingly scientific explanation, you still wonder where the magic went. You still mourn dejectedly as the object of your former affections glares at you menacingly from behind seemingly intentionally-haughty bifocals...
But, more often than not, this sort of distastefully bleak spousal situation resolves itself in due course. A trifling remark; a well-timed raise of an eyebrow; a snortly gaffaw, is all it takes for the truth to flood back to you: You’re both still your same old love-addled selves.
Not Who - But What We Have Become
As children growing into adulthood, we watch how our parents, act, react, intertwine around most, if not all of life's intrinsic ways. We see, hear, and feel their failures and their successes. And when we get to a certain age, we invariably say, "If I ever have kids,. I'll know what not to do and make sure they have a better life than I did."
So, in those formative years we take away wisdom, setbacks, heartaches, failures, and of course, success.
Time travels onward, we meet, greet, and perhaps we think we fell in love a million times before the right one comes along. The knot is tied, a new family begun, and the trials and tribulations begin anew.
Monogamy is something we were instinctively taught. In my day, the "H" word was never mentioned. It never existed in my parents eyes. The "H" word never came up until I was in the eighth grade and this came from a group of finger-pointing, laughing boys, talking about how so and so is queer for someone's gear. The "H" word: homosexual.
It was then I learned that man and woman weren't the only species to hold title to the word monogamy, and of course this reigns great truth in today's society. Gay marriages abound, interracial marriages as well, and then there are couples who choose to remain single, yet live together, and still yet, have relationships outside that same union but still reside together under one roof.
Monogamy will be around for a long time although it is slowly dying. More divorces in recent years, and a hell of a lot of Motel 6 bedrooms being used out of state for that "all important board meeting, honey." (That statement isn't just used by men alone.)
It's a rare thing to hear of married couples celebrating their 20th, yet alone their 50th wedding anniversary. One such rarity comes to mind: Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, have been married since 1946. Come July 7th ... count ’em people, but it'll be 75 years. Maybe people need to take a page from their marriage to help guide and strengthen their own.
As for myself, I trust no word that starts with Mono.
Her Monsters Called to Mine
He looked at her from across the candlelit dinner table. Her blushing cheeks so beautiful and alluring in the soft, warm light of the restaurant as soft music played from the live band. He had waited so long for this moment, and it was finally here. He fingered the little velvet box in his jacket pocket, thinking of the moment he saw it glinting in the glass case at the jewelry store. It was perfect, just like her. But now that it was time for the big event to take place, his legs seemed to have turned to jelly, and his heart was pounding in his chest.
What if she said no?
What if she says yes?
What if this all turned out to be a wonderful dream, and he would wake up the moment before it happened?
“My love, are you alright?” Her delicate hand had reached out to him, gently squeezing his arm, “You look so pale. Are you sick?” “No, dearest!” He said a little to boisterously. Clearing his throat, he tried again, “Excuse me, no, I’m just fine. A little warm in here is all.” She smiled so brightly and compassionately, “Then, let’s go to the balcony for a moment. Our food won’t be here for a few minutes.” Balcony. Right. All he had to do was stand up and not immediately fall to the floor from nervousness.
She intwined her arm in his and the walked together through the open french doors out onto the antique, but well-kept wooden balcony that overlooked the ocean below, the sun already turned darker shades of orange as it slowly sunk beneath the horizon. ”... out here, isn’t it. My love?” He gave himself a little shake, “I’m so sorry, dearest, my head was elsewhere.” She giggled softly, kissing him on the cheek, “I said, do you feel better out here?” “Y-yes,” he stammered, “In fact, this is probably the happiest I’ve ever been, and I... I want to make it last forever.” She narrowed her eyes in confusion, “What do you mean?”
This was it.
This was the moment he had dreamed about for so long.
He took her hand as his other reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out the little black box. He sunk down to one knee, and he watched as her face slowly turned from confusion to total surprise and wonder, a small gasp escaping her lips. “I have loved you for so long, and I want you in my life forever. Will you marry me?” He opened the box to reveal a glimmering princess cut diamond ring that shone bright with the colors of the setting sun.
Her eyes began to swim with tears. She couldn’t look him in the eye. His heart was quickly sinking. This isn’t at all what he expected, “My dearest, are you-” “My love, please stand up. I have to tell you something.” He didn’t rise at first, but begrudgingly came to his feet, “I don’t... I don’t understand. I thought you wanted this, too.” “I do!” She began to wail, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect you to do this tonight. He was going to tell you, but I’ve been so ashamed.” “My dearest, whatever it could possibly be, I will never stop loving you!” “But you will!” The tense silence could be cut with a knife.
She hung her head, the tears now openly falling, “I’ve been keeping a horrible secret from you. Because I know when I tell you that you won’t love me anymore. You’ll never want to see me, again.” So many scenarios flashed through his head as his heart pounded in his ears. He surprised himself to see that he was actually starting to get angry, ” What is it? Tell me now.”
She kissed his hands and his cheek, then took a step backward away from him. She reached her beautiful hands up, which had held his so many times, and ripped away her face. Like water boiling over the edge of a pot, a black, shiny mass poured out of her skin suit, tearing it away like tissue paper. Her golden hair fell in golden heaps to reveal large antennae, her ears adorned with dangling earrings fell away to a grotesquely small head with hundreds of beady black eyes. A large, solid black armored body rose up above him like a cockroach emerging from its dark hiding place. Six, long, spidery legs emerged from her sides, stretching out from being cramped against her body.
His heart was about to burst in my chest. All he could do was gap open-mouthed at her towering form, unable to move or say a word. When she spoke, it was a reedy rasp like a sharp wind through haunted trees, “Now you know! This is my true form! Just go, my love. My heart will always belong to you.” The large roach-like insect fell down to its belly and began to quickly scamper across the balcony through the screaming onlookers as it began to climb down the support beams out to sea.
“Wait!” He suddenly shouted. She felt a hand grab onto one of her back legs. He was leaned far over the railing, desperately clinging to her, his eyes begging her to stay, “Please... don’t leave.” Her many eyes widened, reflecting his enigmatic face. She slowly crawled back onto the balcony, careful to make sure he didn’t slip and fall. He wrapped both his hands around her foreleg, because that was all he could reach, “My dearest... I am very surprised to see your true form, and i love you all the more for it.” She gasped, bringing her free leg to her pincers, “My love... but... I don’t-” “Please,” he insisted, “I’m surprised at your appearance, but not because you’re not human. It’s because... because...”
In a flurry of passion, he reached behind his left ear and pulled at the hidden zipper. His flesh suit falling away as his green, slimy scaled body rippled and tore out of his false skin. Fangs glistened with venom dripping from his open maw and horns curling behind pointed ears. At the sight of him, she reared back in shock, bracing herself against the balcony railing, “But! You’re a-!” He nodded, “I am your species sworn enemy.” “A Cthu’th’blrgd! But I should have known! A Skive can recognize a Cthu’th’blrgd from a light year away!” He stepped forward and took her hand, “Unless he shielded his light essence using a flux capacitor rigged with a neo-hydralux cylinder power core.”
She blushed, “Oh, I... um... Have you been following me?”
He took her hairy forelimbs into his serrated claws, “Yes, my dearest, from the rings of Saturn to the moons of Malkizadar’s fourth star, i have pursued you... because... because I love you more than you can ever possibly know.” She embraced him, resting her head on his neck pouch, “But our families... they will never understand. We can never return home.” He lifted her face towards him, careful not to drip venom into her many beautiful black eyes, “All i need in this universe is to know that you love me, too.” “I do!” she shouted, clicking her pincers excitedly, “I love you more deeply than all the oceans of the Prism galaxy!” A tear of acid glistened against his cheek, “Then I have everything I need.”
Once again he knelt down to one knee, showing her the princess diamond ring which now spakled with the last rays of twilight, reflecting all the stars and galaxies he crossed to be with her, “Will you marry me and create a hybrid spawn to consume this world and the next?” Her many eyes burst with tears of joy, “Yes! I will! I will marry you!”
In the usual custom, he sank his fangs deep into her back joint as she consumed part of his life force to show that they were one entity before the Old Gods. They lived over 100,000 years of perfect ecstasy, consuming all organic matter and creating zombified slaves of the human race. They gave birth to millions of hybrid offspring atrocities that drank blood and spat venom, watched as they flew out into the universe to consume other worlds, their parents fiercely proud. And as the Earth burned in sulfuric gas hellfire, all trace of humanity and creation obliterated, he took his love into his arms and whispered into her ear, “Let’s do it all again. I would live all my lifetimes with you.” Her head cradled against his chest crest, careful not to impale herself, “Yes, my love, let’s live a thousand lifetimes again.” And claw in foreleg, they left the Earth as the planet imploded and burst into a million glittering pieces as they flew out into the great unknown.
we live as our ancestors lived. millions of years ago.
raising the offspring,
feeding, oh, god, feeding...
and so, other aspects of that progression are not limited to the ancient past.
i will not hazard to answer if it is best to live a long , full life time with the same person, or if it is better to study quantom mechanics.
but i will say, that each relationship, is a wave that spreads indefinately. it may bounce against other waves, or continue dissipsting on it’s own. observing the geometry, is hazardous. it tends to disturb, and conflict with the symmetry, rather than lets things propagate unhindered.
but beware of setting things up, expecting to have things stay the same. change is in all things, and love and emotiinal attachment are dynamic. if you expect things to stay the same forever, then you clearly do not understand physics, chemistry or humans at all.
p a r t n e r s h i p
they fall together
into pairs of two
like pairs of shoes
speaking their language
sharing their views
they walk side by side
hand in hand
feels strange to me
am i not made to relate
and to be related to
am i not meant to be
one of two?
we all lose.
a piece of our heart
we can never get back.
that we can never take back.
that will never come back.
we spend so much time,
so much energy
on cultivating a flower
that only dies
and never grows back.
we all lose.
sometimes we just take a little longer.
the one you love will be taken,
one way or another,
through life or death.
we all lose.
but for a moment,
we feel like we're winning.
is that moment worth it?
The Happy Couple
The couple that works together stays together. Not everything is perfect. Not everything is bad. The happiest couples I've seen are the ones who made it work. Which includes staying true to each other, resolving fights, and keeping it fun for their family. The happiest couple is the one who makes their situation work positively for them.
Mono E Mono
Any relationship can be successful under AGREEABLE conditions. If for any reason conditions are no longer found agreeable by one or both parties. An open, honesty, amicable, discussion of such should result in the least amount of suffering for both parties involved. Not speaking up about actions found to be bothersome overtime grows into animosity and resentfulness. Which everyone can agree is not an attractive light to be captured in.
I found monogamy to be the end of self-gratification for the sake of someone else’s. Not the end of sexual gratification. But that was fleeting. Leaving my outlook a better vantage point from which to keep an eye on the adamant eve growing closer, darken, then darker. Spurning my strategic retreat from eminent destruction. Attempting to retain at least the minimum amount of decency needed to maintain my family’s respect.
If that is gone between even Monogamist partners. Your just fucking yourselves in the end.
Velvet beneath her knees
The repercussion of her reverence
Her service is sufficient
Dissipating in their descension
Aware of concubine’s eyes
Peering through carefully cut holes
In her majesty’s portrait
Evading diversion of his gaze
For fear he too will see
And awaken to the same
And a jezebel brazen
Forged by the king’s sanction
An intrusion upon the royal chambers
A queen’s crown stricken
Precious tokens falling to the floor
But not before
Her heart settles into her stomach
She and him. Her and her. Him and him. I don't see a human or a genital. None of that matters when the heart and mind want something, someone to sleep next to. Someone to cradle and cry with. The universe at least gave me a heart and feelings that are plenty enough for the whole town. I couldn't love the whole world, not alone anyways. I choose to keep my feet just a little higher of the ground than the rest. Right when it seems like a hand is about to reach mine I make sure to check my feet and finally even they cuddle the earth. I look into their eyes, they look back into mine. I shutter in fear but return back with glee. I can feel that warm summer feeling, love. Sometimes the chilly wind accompanies me back into the restaurant and there they are, standing tall and it feels like they call for me but hide it all behind a smile. How I wish to know the truth. Perhaps hearing "No." would set my mind at ease. It's so hard when all you can do is look and not touch. This is the life I chose for myslef and until I'm ready I won't play around with anyone. I've lived in this world not long enough but my mind has. I've learned better than to fall into momentary bliss and stardust-love. However, it does get cold but even so, all you have to do is wrap a warm blanket around you and take a hot bath to feel yourself and the world warming you back up. It's all about how you choose to keep the fire alive. Whether in the mind, the heart, both or even beyond. I married life before myself, but even so the human heart yearns for something more complex. My input is, that love, life, God, The Universe, Time, The Mind, all find a way and when that happens you're sure to know. We can't just be one thing, we can't rely on one thing to jump in. It's a collection of things that decide when that moment is time. No matter when that happens, life has already taken you as it's own. These decisions must be made with the input of the lusting swan, the adventurous wolf, and the prancing deer knocking on all kinds of doors. Placing yourself in a box only welcomes in darkness from the corners with no way out but the small area you have created for yourself. If you don't charish all of what you have to spend on this Earth than take a step back and look at it from the darkness, from every way, there is no one true answer to every specific problem but by broadening your views you will be able to shape your own answer and accomadte it into your life. That is what a life close and near to death, to that of pity, to finally acceptance has taught me. I would not be here if it were not for all of humanity. Truly, deep down I urge all people to open your boxes, and walk out into the whole world. Don't flatter yourself and think "what would they think" or whoever. Darling, the whole world ain't watching you, and if you capture some eyes then ask yourself why, analyze their faces, and think how you would react to seeing yourself, process this with calm and when you hit the wall of shame ask yourself why and understand that this is not the end. Many peope die with regrets and that alone is a testament to why you shouldn't leave life with regrets either. These things accompany all of us to the very edge unless if we are taught to live with all of who we are. Only then can we leave this Earth, our only home, with a heart and mind at peace with our decisions and those who we have met and befriended. Thank you readers, walk with a joy only you can understand. Goodnight.