For the amount of money I spent on you, you kinda leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Tell the Coffee Maker Only
"I think you need an auto cut off if you stay on too long."
"I'm going to get you to get started at four AM."
"Sometimes you taste too strong."
"You're not as hot as you're supposed to be."
"Your cord is too short."
"You really need a filter."
"I know you do them all, Columbians, the whole Breakfast Club, the Doughnut Shop and more."
I Need a Keurig
This has been brewing for a long time. I think it is time for an upgrade. You were good to start out, but now I am ready for more. I need more than you can give me. I need something stronger, faster. I need options. I want something I can be proud of, not something old and dirty that I need to hide.
You used to be my comfort, but now you won't turn on for me anymore. I should have known you would fail me when I stole you from my sister. You just don't taste the same anymore.
Always produces a great aroma
Consistently makes me happy
Requires minimal effort
Easy to maintain
Above all, Quiet
Ode to an Ancient Coffeemaker
You used to be perky, the one thing I could always count on first thing every morning to make me smile.
I know I don't really need you but guess what - fuck the health nuts, I'm never getting rid of you. Even if I have to pretend to like decaf.
You give me anxiety.
I don't like you bitter.
You make me shakey, buttwad.
I am sorry...
Why did you make it so light, I asked for black not white can you do it again but this time make it black...
1. I don't need to waste resources on any type of filter anymore, and I have had far too many bad days with you in it now, than without for my liking. You only brew negative nostalgia Mr. you’ve also ruined coffee for me; you trash.
2. 'I'm sorry I can only turn you on for two hours at a time'
3. "Why yes sir, Mr. Coffee I sure will poison the decaf and not tell the others"
Not the Keurig
The coffeemaker never had to look
as it set out to cook
Unlike you my love
who measured twice
and then thrice
Perfection in the making.