“Strength Lies In Nights Of Peaceful Slumbers.”
raised in harshness,
unloved as a child;
forced into the tiniest of forms;
anorexia starved her in her teens.
It was never for attention,
but to go unnoticed,
Somehow through this torment she remained
sweet, loving, warm.
And gave me and my siblings all the love she never got.
She was always painfully unable to be a typical strong woman,
but had a quiet strength which as a mother is far more valuable.
When I was young and floundering,
she showed me The Sound Of Music
And with grins and chuckles and tears we sang along;
A dream that will need
all the love you can give
Every day of your life,
for as long as you live.
Climb every mountain,
ford every stream
follow every rainbow,
’till you find your dream.”
"Climb Every Mountain" from The Sound Of Music:
"I Have Confidence" (the song which I pulled the title quote from) Also from that movie:
r a g e
by any other name
would still sound the same
i knew you existed
long before i grew fists
a womb that fed
an anger in genetics
before i could breathe air
or stutter in reply
you are the reason i still can’t cry
Ninety-six Years Young
Ninety-six years young. I never thought about days like today. The night you turned 95, we all celebrated at your favorite German restaurant. “Roll Out The Barrel” was your song of choice for the accommodating accordionist. As the evening ended, we began talking about what to plan for your next birthday.
But before turning 96, you took a fall and then another and one more. Now you must rely on others for all those things we take for granted, like getting out of bed in the morning. I’ve learned the real meaning of the word patience, and how to live in a world that is totally unpredictable.
Tomorrow you and I will look at old photos and smile when you remember years gone by. I love you, Mom, and always will.
I hated Mother’s Day
all my life
my mother difficult to love
as she made it clear she had no love for me
she taught me that
duty above all.
So she cared for me the child
as she was expected to
no more no less
and I cared for her
when her brain took her back to childhood
when her mouth smeared with chocolate cake
smiling up wordlessly
not caring who I was
she cuddled into me like a puppy
and I embraced her.
It was our mother’s day.
I felt like a mother
There was a moment where my thoughts went, "I feel like a mother."
And what I meant was, "I feel like an adult."
Because I had never quite felt like one before,
but in that moment,
standing and walking down the grocery store isle,
having had thoughts
noticing the sky through advertisement-plastered windows,
I felt like an adult for the first time
in a way that wasn't just a wish for childhood
And I don't know why, but my mind translated the word
"adult" to "mother"
"I feel like a mother."
And I thought, no silly, I'm not a mother
But I don't know, maybe my mind was right
And maybe that's what being an adult is
I used to have the otherworldly powers of
thinking your commonplace imagination has never been seen before and
seeing the small world for the first time
again and again and then
I was lost for a while in between
And I still am, most of the time
And I thought that was it,
Childhood was over and now all I get is this black-and-white-static limbo
Until I felt like a mother
and learned that being an adult might mean
a new set of powers
It All Started on the Beach
You got knocked up
On a beach
To escape your home
That was me
Then came me
Then you built me up
You knocked me down
You kept on imploding
Inploding all over those
Who came after me
Like a collapsing star
You took in all light
You sucked in all strength
To a point of oblivion
Feeding on angst
Of vast swirling vortices
Of light and strength
Into pinpoint nothingness
not for us
Sweet at night
And still with
all her love,
I knew I was
My mother was the woman who caried me for nine month.
The woman who than spent hours in pain bringing me into this world.
She is the first form of comfort I felt and the first form of love I experienced.
She is the woman who I knew as mom until the age of 5 when I realised she did actually have a legal name...and it was not 'mom'
She is the woman who played house with me up until I was 8.
The woman who described to me what happens during a french kiss.
The woman that never sugar coated the story of the birds and the bee's.
Shes also the woman that I had the most fights with, because I thought i knew better in my teens.
Shes the woman that can evoke rage within me and wash it away with a simple hug.
The woman who ensured diner was ready and so often sneak in a few candy bars just because.
Shes the woman whose perfume automatically makes me feel at home.
She was the first female role model I had.
The woman that taught me morals and values that I hope to pass down to my own kids one day.
The woman who cheered me on when I tried something new and encouraged me when i felt I was not enough.
She is strong, stubborn, emotional and so much more.