You rest your warm hand on my thigh. It is supposed to be comforting; a reassuring touch from a loving parent.
I try not to flinch, but I do so anyway. Your warmth feels nothing like what my friends spoke of. Instead, your warmth is but a reminder of a time when hands lingered to places they should never have. Your warmth is a trail of molten lava, slowly making its way to my heart, only to leave behind disgust in the form of ashes.
The ashes, even when blown away, somehow always find a way to return.
she no longer keeps me warm.
original song title - “She Keeps Me Warm” by Mary Lambert
her touch against mine
feels like a kiss from heaven.
the way her eyes subtly told me "i love you"
made my cheeks turn pink.
her laugh will forever be recorded in my heart
and i'll play it every night before bed.
when her arms are around me
i think to myself "don't ever let go."
her smile is the most beautiful thing to exist
and that will never be up for debate.
my first kiss was given to her
and i hope she ends up being my last.
every second spent with her
feels like something out of a fairytale
and i hope to spend the rest of my life with her.
but that'll never happen.
our lips will no longer feel
each other's love.
my only regret is that
i never cherished her smile enough.
her arms are no longer around me.
maybe i should've said it out loud instead of only thinking it.
i'll play her laugh every night before bed
and cry about how i will never be able to hear it again.
my cheeks don't turn pink over her eyes anymore
especially when they won't be able to tell me that she loves me.
her touch is cold and frigid
as she ascends to heaven.
maybe that's why her touch feels like heaven.
I never liked the heat
The feeling of suffocation that comes along with it
Yet, when your eyes meet mine
I can't help but feel the temperature rising
So obvious it is
The heat, annoying if anything
It doesn't reserve my secret
Instead it radiates from my face
At a certain level,
I have come to like the feeling
The rising temperature
Only ignited when with you
I can tell you see my reaction
With every rise
A smirk arises from you
Making the heat almost unbearable
Oh how I long for the feeling
Every time we meet
The unbearable, addicting heat.
When I was younger, I swam in a little pool under a willow tree. A rope swing hung from the sweeping branches, and sometimes I'd leap off mid-swing to splash down into the refreshing water, laughing, happy. It was charming, picturesque, something out of a storybook, a book of memories, shoved into the attic of my mind.
I can't remember the feeling of water against my skin, I can't remember the sensation of coolness or chill. All I know is the suffocating lullaby of desert heat. All I know is this smothering, blazing expanse of molten sand. I don't know how long I've been here, alone in my solitary desert world. The sky is electric blue, brighter than anything I've seen before.
My only companion is the sun, a fearsome, watchful demon standing guard over this lifeless realm. Or rather, soon-to-be lifeless. I'm still here, I'm still kicking. I can't say I remember how I got here, though—it feels like I went to sleep one night, back in the real world, back in my childhood house by the willow tree, and woke up here, wherever here is.
There aren't any buildings or structures to disturb the landscape, nothing except my body. I don't even have much of a shadow, it's always noon here, always mid-day. The sun doesn't move from its perch in the sky, it stays there, an eye, watching me, watching it all, unmoving, unblinking, unnerving.
I don't know how I'm alive, I don't know if I'm alive. I don't know where I am, and I don't know how much time has passed. Time certainly moves differently here, in that it doesn't, it doesn't move at all. Nothing changes, nothing shifts. There's no wind to turn sand over, no breeze to rustle the landscape. The sky stays the same, no clouds ever dare disrupt that deep electric blue.
All I know is that it's hot. It's so hot, so unbearably hot. And yet, here I am, bearing it, somehow, some way. I don't think I should be alive, I don't think living creatures are meant to endure this bitter misery. The heat never leaves my mind, and I wonder where I am.
I don't think I've ever heard of a desert like this one—so empty, so barren. I think I'm the only component moving in this otherwise immobile image, but to be quite honest, I don't even know if I'm moving. I put one foot forward, then the next, then repeat, but I can't quite tell whether my motion is confined to the bounds of my mind, imagined.
I wonder if this is Hell.
What is heat
agitated particles ,
radiation, they shake and colide,
make increasing complexity , or chaos.
what stood firm loses hold,
what conducted, resists,
my IQ drops, as sweat beads,
all i can think of, is why can't it be november all year round?!
The sun spoke
soft lies in the morning
as I lifted my head
to revisit a world,
would be scattered,
hollow and lonely,
clinging for breathe
in the desperate
The Forbidden. Date Night
Mr. Sawyer, I mean James, picked me up in his red Corvette. I had never gotten in any car like this before and was very impressed.
“Hi,“I said. He had gotten out and opened the door for me. I was a wearing a jean skirt and a black crop top.
“Hi, Sydney.” He said and didn’t make eye contact. Maybe this was a bad idea.
“Where do you want to go?”
“I got reservations at the Italian restaurant down the street.”
“Oh I love Italian.”
He looked at me and smiled. I got in the car and he closed the door. He walked around to his side and got in.
James was wearing dress pants, with a buttoned down grey shirt and it was actually tucked in for once. He smelled amazing. Like Old Spice. His hair was slicked back with gel and he was, unfortunately cleaned shaven. I always loved it when he didn’t shave for a couple days back in high school.
We didn’t say much on the ride to the restaurant or during the wait for our table.
When we finally sat down our waiter came right over and we ordered drinks.
And then it was quiet again.
“So, James, how was the rest of your day?”
I asked making small talk.
“It was fine,” and he looked down at the menu.
Is he really going to make me do all the talking even after he knows how much I hate it?
I stared at him willing him to look up but he didn’t. I cleared me throat and he finally looked up and saw I was glaring.
He smiled at me, the nerve of him. “Yes?”
“I...you are being quiet.” I said loosing my nerve.
“I am” he said matter of factly.
“Why?” I asked a little more forcefully.
He sighed and put the menu down.
“Because I am not sure what to say to you yet. Or what we are actually doing. I was so in the wrong earlier. You may not be my student anymore but that doesn’t mean it’s right of me to want you the way I do. And the way I did back then. I am not that type of person.”
“You liked me back then?” That’s all I could fixate on and I loved hearing it.
He shook his head. “Yeah and it was completely wrong. You drove me nuts. And the one time you came into my office, and I saw...”
He stopped and took a sip of his water. “Never mind that’s not important. This is wrong Sydney. I know your not underage anymore but your still a kid. You need to be dating guys your age. Trust me, they want to date you.”
“I don’t want to date them. They are so immature...and wait what did you mean about that one time in your office? What did you see?” I think I knew what he was talking about but I wasn’t sure.
“I swore then I wouldn’t say anything and I won’t now.”
“You saw what I wrote didn’t you?” I blurted not able to handle the suspense anymore after all these years.
His eyes widened and but then his brows furrowed and he looked at me with such desire in his eyes it took my breath away. “Yes. And I can’t not say what you wrote made me almost make the worst mistake in my life. I wanted to give you what you wrote in your notebook.”
“Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have been right then. But it could be right now,” I pleaded.
He sat forward and rubbed his face with his hand and he seemed so defeated. Maybe I was being unfair. I had been underaged and he was an adult then. I know if I felt like he had about any student, I would have felt all wrong and perverted. But that was then and this is now. It’s not like he is pushing anything on me. If anything I am. Maybe I should slow down? But I never felt like this about anyone and he has been all I have been able to think about for five years.
“James, I am sorry I am pushing this. I’m not sure what has gotten into me. Will you forgive me and we can have a nice dinner?”
He looked at me and smiled at me. “You shouldn’t be apologizing. I should be. I practically jumped you in the cafeteria.”
“What no you didn’t.” I laughed remembering how heated I felt.
We enjoyed a nice dinner together talking about ourselves and learning about the other.
Each minute, I felt closer to him than I did anyone else. And all I could do was smile at him.
“Would you like your check? Or would you like desert first?” The waiter asked
James looked at me and I said, “no I don’t need desert, I am stuffed.”
“Oh good, me too.” He laughed and turned towards the waiter.
Our check came fairly quickly and James grabbed it before I could see it.
“Can’t I pay half?” He looked at me with a faked hurt expression.
“No you can not.” And he smiled.
I pushed out my bottom lip, pleading.
We both had been drinking and I was definitely feeling the effects and he was happier and seemed to be feeling it too.
We left the restauraunt walking side by side and our hands brushing lightly. It was a cool, spring night and the lights from the city light up the black starless sky. Our path led us toward the parking garage that he parked at earlier and we made our way to his car.
“So where to now?” He asked.
“I’m not sure”. I said standing next to his car.
We were parked in a garage across the street from the restaurant. He stood next to me and I stared up at him trying my best, mentally, to tell him to kiss me.
“Your doing it again...” he said quietly.
“Doing what?” I asked innocently.
The right side of his mouth quirked up and he shook his head. “This is so wrong,” he breathed out. I almost didn’t hear him over the sounds of my breathing and the honking horns on the street.
I cocked my head to the right and tilted it up, questioningly. I didn’t want to voice it.
He ran his hands threw his hair as he watched me. “Your driving me crazy, Sydney.” He took a step toward me and I didn’t flinch or move away. I stood there waiting, hoping.
“What will I do about you?” I could smell the alcohol on his breath but he seemed completely sober. I know when someone is drunk and he definitely wasn’t, even though he drank way more than I did. But I wasn’t drunk either. Maybe drunk on the endorphins floating through my head and the surreal feeling of this moment.
He stepped closer and grabbed my hand. “I didn’t think I’d see you again after school. I’m happy I did.”
“Me too.” And I smiled up at him.
He looked at me with warmth in his eyes and sexual desire the likes I had never seen before. I didn’t want to tell him I had never been kissed. Or that I had never been this close to another guy or felt this way about another guy. It could scare him off.
My hand tightened around his and then he pulled me to him, leaned down, and with his other hand wrapped it around the back of my neck and kissed me with so much force, I felt so light headed and, like I had been booted into another universe.
I never could have imagined a kiss could turn me on this much. Our lips moved together and he forced my lips apart his tongue darting into my mouth finding mine and they danced together in the most erotic kiss in my history. In my life. In like forever. God was he a good kisser.
He pulled me in more and I grabbed on to him and our bodies fit perfectly together. His smell was intoxicating and I didn’t think it was possible but I got even more lightheaded. I could have sworn I saw fireworks. It was crazy but the most unbelievable thing I had ever felt.