A storm approaches.
The sea, it churns.
Free will means little.
The rain begins.
Animals, trees, drenched.
Weeping leaves collapse,
teardrops for a better day.
Across the horizon,
bright fields, birds sing.
Their song is not for me.
Shivering, I stand.
Clouds follow as I roam.
Even the sun-soaked fields
would fade to gray.
The animals flee.
I heard a story once,
of how light prevails.
Why do we allow
optimists to write myths?
Like Me Please
our lovely broken minds
find their home
in facebook posts
detailing our small desires
to be known
to be famous and yet
the effects of our desperation
to be seen
in selfies and followers
cramping our ability
to rationalize much
bikinis and the like button
Lovely Broken Minds
Broken, crushed, shattered ; pieces of the mind lay scattered.
Searching for the precise desighn, near or far it's hard to find.
Flooding thoughts turn into tears, making the screams hard to hear.
To play a toxic game that isn't fair, drowning, suffocating & lonely, it's scary up there.
Racing doubts of was I right or wrong, fool me to think I would ever be strong.
Fighting demons in my head, the voices and laughter slowly spread.
Sometimes the thoughts are hard to resist, upon action pleading cries of "it doesn't have to end like this".
A little change to notice how we feel, spoken out, we start to heal.
Crushed and scratched, this is me ; my broken mind is truly lovely.
I never said a word
about the monsters in the night
I never said a word
about those who blamed me
for what they took
I buried the memories
under layers of quiet strength
and binged on food
to protect the child within
And when I was older
safe and secure
I feel apart
cascades of everything
To bury me in the terror
Strength is facing the horror
understanding your courage
and knowing no matter
how often you flash back
into the past
you know who to call
and you will not fall
to the monsters in the night
I peeled back the layers
over a hundred pounds
to bring sunshine to the
child hidden within
Strength forged in a child
has taken me through
grief for the loss of
so much since then
I can handle the worst
life throws my way
the joys are so much
because of yesterday
By me, I mean I
It’s been years since I thought of you
Since I reflected on all I’ve put you through
Years since I considerded your needs
By you I mean I, By I, I mean me
I stopped caring about how I made you feel
Harsh words and judgments, wounds are real
I took my value from my own palms
And let the mind of others define my wrongs
Everytime I feel like you’re not enough
It’s rewarded with ever decreasing self-trust
When did I lose the last of my self-compassion?
The voices of others, an overwhelming distraction
To you I mock, judge, abuse and even lie
By you I mean me, by me, I mean I
Its my own fault that I feel this way
My own disregard for the lost soul I slay
This is the problem, the cycle is on repeat
From my own torment, I cannot retreat
My last ally and my enemy are of one kind
both reside in my lovely broken mind
A part of it all
Where to start and where to stop
from beginning to end
it feels as though a nightmare
has been written and rewritten
over and over again
on my skull's corridor walls
in these endless loops of agony
a labyrinth with no entry nor exit door
it keeps on messing with my every turn
rearranging as it pleases
in needs no permissions
it's a mere head on its own
does as it pleases as if am not there
i wake up because i must
but if i could, i would say goodnight only once
i would shut my eyes one last time
and hope that tomorrow
would be better or gone
my emotions can not follow rules and lines
they rebel against me, my past, and my time
it wished to protect me
but all it does is to break me
just as these verses don't rhyme
my mind is even messier than this
sentences don't start with a letter
rather numbers, screams, or even void
I don't know how long have i been in pain,
but i know that want it to end
one day i want to wake up
and think that it's going to be ok,
without having to swallow any remedies n
or drink any tee
just by being next to someone
who cares for me more than I care for myself,
because I don't care anymore
I don't remember when I last cared
variegated thoughts and
refractory to hope and
the death of something,
screechings from within,
clawing at the the surface;
there is no air,
the liquid sky roils;
the prelude to death,
the absurdity of a burdened
mind, wilting, it waits;
Into the darkness
It's hard to breathe here,
You’re suffocating in toxicity.
You try to blink back tears and can taste their salt,
wounds may heal but scars remember their own pain.
You want escape so you seek refuge in the safe corners of your brain.
You feel yourself slipping deeper but you fight back and at times,not only survive- you thrive.
But you know this will be short-lived,
For the shadows
always creep back in- stealing the light,
And you’re dragged back down into darkness like night,
Into those places where the pain runs deep,
Into memories like nightmares that won't allow you to sleep.
I smile for everyone to see.
I keep moving forward each day but...
I don’t know where I am going.
I feel like it is nowhere but I’m going so fast.
I’m spinning most days. So fast.
In and out of work.
In and out of home.
They don’t see my anxiety.
I’m trembling inside.
They don’t see my depression.
I’m so despondent, so sad.
I need my purpose. I can’t find it.
I’ve looked. And I’ve looked. And I’ve looked.
I am so tired. Everything inside me hurts.
But I smile.
& DELIRIUM IS BLUE
From the gaps between infected synapse drifts an acrid smoke
A signal to swear that "Your mind is NOWHERE..." came the gray voice, the only truth it ever spoke
Knots form after Invega's poke which is the latest injected joke
This is the final psychological downstroke-
This is the army of demons I invoke
And what am I to do when delirium is as blue as Neptune's clouds and just as cold...?
Under sheer madness, I warp, I fold
No longer a precious metal..
No longer tinted gold
Mind set aflame, I can't be certain of my name or perhaps it is that I have simply detached
But in the dark, eyes the shade of electrical spark, watched as a new breed of insanity hatched
To a chemical mist, I wildly latched and at a mental itch, I frantically scratched, thoughts trapped beneath my splitting, bloody nails
No matter how loud or the size of the present crowd, it's as though no one can hear my psychic wails
What this entails is a suffering with six tattered sails; a broken and capsizing ship of a feeling
And delirium is blue-
There's something ELSE about it, too-
It's a predator, it's talent sanity stealing