A curse upon you Sir! A pox!
May knots afflict your flimsy locks!
May bugs into your porridge fly!
May gnats infest your nose and eye!
And as you sob and weep and fie,
May rot torment your best ham-hocks!
May noise pollute your fishing docks!
May hanging nails catch your socks!
Farewell! Adieu! Good die!!
Oh thou wretched
thy bismirch my smearchables
Bring forth my ire , i curse thee thusLY
May your camal have the better notion,
May your sheep require lotion,
May your son come with a tick
May your fish demise of Ich,
May your wife, thy cellphone fling,
May your field, with landing rings,
May your shoe be filled with carp,
Hence to step with, on the trap,
May your grave they dig to moist,
May in shame, they'll roll, not hoist.
May the camel then return ,
And on gravrstone spit with scorn,
May your days be bitter , cold
May all misfortune to thee unfold!!
I accepted a date from a man
He seemed ok
And an above average face
We went out
I had my doubts
And the I heard
Not about him
Actually, about me
Don't talk to her
Just too friendly
Found out who she was
So I walked up
Extended my hand
She seemed surprised
Extended hand, I smiled wide
I just wanted to introduce myself
I heard me say
Because you seem to know a lot about me
But I don't even know your full name
Kill them with kindness
In a world who breeds this violence
Rumors flow as grain in a mill
But if they were about you...
Wouldnt you mind it?
You're a blubbering pustule of vile festering nonsense,
Spreading hate-riddled sickness, toppling immunity defenses.
You are besmirching our land with your mystery drivel,
accusing innocents of evils, oh, why can't you be civil?
before you go spewing more rancid notions of truth,
stuff your face with herbal remedies, maybe some gin and vermouth.
Why not run 30 miles, take a sauna or bath,
take a pill, a vacation, hike a long path,
your so full of BS I can't wait for a bowel movement,
literally any change would be an improvement.
A Thousand Missed Alarms for You and Your Cat
I wish for you only the best,
Psych! The best of the worst!
You, mine enemy,
Should consider yourself cursed.
Cursed to a lifetime of bad hair days,
Broken eyeliner and flight delays.
May you lose the cord from every dressing gown,
May you always drop your toast butter side down.
I hope it rains on the day that you wed,
Biblical storms and grey clouds overhead.
May your tyres attract every nail within sixty miles,
And just for fun, I curse thee with eternal piles.
I curse your flat pack furniture to always be one item short,
The awkward piece that cannot be individually bought.
Cancel the salon, you needn’t bother getting your nails done,
I curse you to ever lose all of them except for one.
I curse you to go grey before your time,
And be seated by the bogs each time you dine,
While we’re at it, have food poisoning twice per year,
Without losing any weight at all, my dear!
Also, how about swallowing spiders each night you sleep?
And on waking, thou shall stand on Lego with bare feet.
Oooh I know, back to the wedding - a ginormous zit!
Followed by your dress's busted zip!
Excellent, I am all out of ideas so I shall stop,
Do think on before stealing another parking spot!
I'd take to the floor
and force you to carry me out
you fucking pimp.
I'd go nonviolent resistance
in a clotted heap
then yell " Don't touch me"
my legal rights to keep.
I'd stay there where you don't want me
an unsightly mess
I'd stay there in silence
until you confess.
And you'd have to bring in lawyers
to all stand and stare
file motions wait for hearings
as I held my place there.
The police and psych workers
for me to come to my senses
I'd just a'soon bleed.
You and they cannot make me
ever go away
I'll embarrass and shame you
'til your dying day.
Oh ye of very little common wit
who proudly displayest thine ignorance,
over whom the untold wealth of wisdom
passeth as the shorebird o'er endless seas.
Be'est thou sated by such dearth as this?
For even gentle breezes doth confuse,
and produce questions that one need not ask.
Despite thine vacuousness thy voice rang,
and marred mine ears irrecoverab'ly.
such insult I hath ne'er experienced
yet not at thine words, which bore feather-weight,
but for the impetuous gallantry
which a being such as this canst deserve.
Oh ye darling of very little worth.
Departst hence before your ass gets hurt.
“Villainous Scumbags Who Wronged Me”
Dear VSWWM: What did I do? What did you do? Are you a Villainous Scumbag or a Human Scumbag or a Human? I love you back.