The hardest part
The hardest part
was not the silence
rather than a soft thump
nor the absence of movement
instead of a kick
or having to push out
my lifeless second born.
The hardest part
was explaining to
my tearful three year old
why he wasn't going to be
a big brother.
ER
one night
something inside
my body ruptured
my hospital stay
cost hundreds of dollars
but by far
the most terrifying part
was watching a young woman
in my same
hospital gown
admit to the nurse
she didn’t want
to live anymore
and my pain
paled against
her empty gaze
Final Moments
He looked into his sons eyes and held back tears as he knelt by the little bed.
The machines chirped.
"Where am I going when I die dad?"
His atheism had been a badge of honor until now.
Tears streamed uncontrollably now. He began to tremble.
"Heaven buddy."
Mamma’s Lily
Today, there was a burial near my husband’s grave. Cruel sickness took a young mother, just as it had my husband. The service had me weeping at his grave. His memory.
A girl, maybe five, came up and handed me a lily.
“Mamma would have wanted you to have it.”
The Monster I Became
I hate you.
You didn't raise me.
You tolerated me.
We both grew older.
My heart grew colder, and I drew further from you.
Hoped I'd never see you again.
Then I got the call.
"You're mother's dying"
When their words stopped, I couldn't stop crying.
I love you.
Cancer. Inoperable.
My Golden got cancer at age five. Mouth pain warranted a vet visit.
At work the call came: “Cancer. Inoperable,” he said. I broke down and stared outside.
Four weeks later, I sat with Murphy on my lap.
The vet cried as he gave the shot.
So did I.
mother/murder
cradling -
allows no separation.
gotta hold you
to my breastplate
so our hearts can learn to beat the same.
we’re going to make the same mistakes-
i’ll hate who you become,
despise the reminder of self.
you should call me murder,
mother is for women who love their daughters.
Third Wheel
They did notice when the sidewalk narrowed and I fell behind, or when I stopped to tie my shoe, or when I cut my losses and just went home.
My little girl
I held her in my arms for the first time, it took nine months. She let out her final breath, before she could open her eyes.
Trigger warning-an excerpt
…after he used me, he asked, “You don’t cum easy, huh?”
And just like that, I had the most horrifying feeling that this was going to be my life from now on:
Someone to be used and then told how much they sucked at being used.