I grew up in a fairly conservative Christian family. I think every family wedding I’ve ever attended, the topic of “wives, submit to your husbands” was mentioned somewhere during the ceremony. My aunts, my female cousins, my male cousins’ wives (I have a big family) were all lauded for ‘submitting’ to their husbands.

I remember asking my mom about it once. My mom is not the submissive type. She does what she thinks is right and will speak her mind, no matter what anyone says. As a kid, I saw her as the head of the household rather than my dad. My dad was the breadwinner since my mom was a stay-at-home mom, but my mom did literally everything else, and I never really saw her ask my dad’s opinion on any of her decisions.

When I asked her, she told me that she did believe that women should submit to their husbands, and when I pointed out that I didn’t think she behaved that way, she told me that she thought she did. She described discussing things like high-value purchases and big decisions with my dad, and only going through with them if they both agreed. To me, that didn’t sound like submission; it sounded like a partnership.

At the time, I didn’t like the idea of submission. I was a proud young woman. I had only dated one man before my husband, but I spent much of my youth as “one of the guys” in the various groups I was involved in, and I always felt like I had to prove that I fit in. I had to prove that I was as strong as them, as tough as them, as independent as them.

And then I started dating my husband, who shows his love through acts of service. I was baffled by this man who insisted on holding the door for me. He would even walk to the passenger side door to open it for me before closing it after I was comfortably seated and walking to the other side of the car to get in the driver’s seat. It was probably the only thing we ever really fought about. I was too proud to let this man do things for me just because I was a woman.

It took me far too long to realize that he wasn’t doing things for me because it was “chivalrous.” He was doing things for me because he loves me. He was putting me first.

I think that’s when I realized what submission should be. If you look at a couple practicing submission, I don’t think it should look like one person bowing before the other. Instead, it should look like both people showing each other kindness, thinking of the other person before themselves. It should look like a partnership.

I'm still not terribly fond of that scripture about wives submitting to their husbands, but I think that’s more because of how some people interpret it than the scripture itself. Because the other half of that scripture tells men to love their wives as Jesus loved the church, and Jesus died for the church. He put the church first before his own life. The thing that made Jesus so different from the other spiritual leaders of his time was that he was a servant leader. He showed others his love by serving them.

There are still a lot of things that I don’t agree with my conservative family about, and I probably don’t see this topic the same way they do, but after being married to my wonderful husband for ten years, I no longer see submission as a weakness, like I once did. It’s not a strength either, at least not for an individual, though I suppose it can be considered a strength for a couple. It’s an act of love.

the strongest people

are willing to sacrifice

themselves

to save others

to submit

their entire being

for the possibility

of a better outcome

As a human, it is normal to feel as though, that submitting to another human is a weakness. Keeping in mind, I am a very stubborn human. But this only relate to other humans.

In my spiritual life, I do not believe that submission is a weakness, I fully believe it is a strength...

Submitting to God takes bravery and faith in the intangible. It is walking a dark road but believing that there is a reason. It is pushing doubt aside from time to time and reminding yourself that God is not to be questioned. Because, even when you don't see, feel that force nudging you in the right direction and hear that voice you desperately need to hear in your darkest time telling you, "It is all going to be fine" you submit because you Believe that even though you can't tell if your prayers are being heard, as there are no signs, you trust that God has already walked the path he has designed just for you... for your purpose. Regardless of how dark it is, God knows that at the end you will be stronger.

I was always told

to keep my head above the water,

but succumbing to the pain

feels so much better.

I was always told

to submit to my husband,

but that told me

i always come second.

so i will keep my head low,

yet bow down to no-one

until someone comes along

and unlocks the heart

i hid away

years ago

Submission.

to give all of oneself freely.

to trust wholeheartedly.

without reservation.

body.

mind.

soul.

to respect and understand

all the flaws and faults

and love someone even more.

The misconception is that submission is weak or strength.

Submission is in fact dominance.

And dominance, submission.