I'm thankful for God choosing me to trust with his most important duties.

I'm thankful for the parents he gave me to learn from.

I'm thankful for my sight, my health, and the right to be heard.

I'm thankful for all of my reader and followers on anything I do.

I'm thankful for my family, children, and friends that loves me for me.

As winter

draws nigh

and days

grow short

and cold,

I am

grateful:

for the home

that awaits me

after working

long hours,

warm and welcoming,

despite

showing it's age

here and there;

for the arms

that hold me

close

each night,

as they've done

for more than

half my life;

for the friends

few and distant

but always present

if only

in a three word text;

for a son

who

loves life

and lives

every moment

gratefully,

joyfully

fully,

touching

all he meets

with a bit of

magic;

for each breath

unencumbered by

illness that allows

me another day

to dream awake.

It's been a while since I put it into words.

The good things in life. The things we take for granted. Like enough food. Or the roof over my head. The steady companionship of a dear friend, or better yet the caring of group of women who are more my family than my own sister. Then there's the big one. I'm still alive. Even after all the horrid things my body has thrown at me over the years, I can type to write and take care of my basic needs myself. Big one there.

The more difficult things to be grateful for are harder to bring into the light. Like the abuses of childhood which make me so resilient now.

The unspeakable atrocities committed when I was only five, then at ten, and fifteen. Funny how those happened at intervals where I was able to bury the previous experience before the next assault on my psyche. I'm thankful for the time to make thick scars before the next wound.

The losses over my lifetime. My husband, his love, and his agonizing suffering in the last years we had together, make me shed tears at times still, ten years after he passed away. I'm grateful for the time we had and the lessons we taught each other. The strength of spirit and faith which comes from trial by fire, is a reward worthy of the test.

The amputation of my lower left leg, thanks to a genetic time bomb tangled in my DNA, at the just two weeks before my husband passed, is the icing on a very sour cake. Now as I look back on the time spent in hospital arranging for a funeral and getting fitted for a brand new prosthetic leg, I realize each step along the way has made me what I am today.

I'm thankful for the kind, caring woman I am now. I'm thankful for the internal spine of steel which keeps me alert, thinking and able to write a novel without every having to put an outline on paper. The memory which serves me so well might also serve up flashes of the past at inconvenient moments, but each of those horrifying moments are the blocks in my foundation. No matter how it shakes, I survive.

The color aquamarine

A child who asked “will you hold my hand”

Hot chocolate

My 97-year-old mother

The song ‘Unforgettable’

i unclasped my head like a purse and tipped it out onto my lap. i sifted through all the dark things that i've grown weary of. i picked out the pretty, shiny things. i even found that after some rubbing, the dark rusty things could also be pretty and shiny.

i made a little pile next to me of the reasons that this year i'm excited for summer. i had to scrub quite hard at these ones, but when they sparkled, i was almost blinded.

i picked through all the films i'm going to be able to watch with my mum now that she's home.

i inspected stretching in the morning when i wake up and put it with the rest of my growing mountain.

i grabbed for two more and polished some rust off them.

i can walk around in the rain and i can scratch under my cat's chin.

it's easier to clean off the dirt and rust now. that's what i'm most grateful for.

There are so many things to be thankful for this year.

I'm thankful for getting out of toxic relationships

and standing up for what I truly deserve.

I'm thankful for the closeness of my family

as we went through hardships and celebrations.

I'm thankful for my new position at work

and all my amazing coworkers for welcoming me with open arms.

I'm thankful for finding my worth

and stepping out of my comfort zone each and every day.

And lastly, I'm thankful for this writing outlet

where I have been able to share my good days and bad

through beautiful words and fanciful language.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you!

1. I’m thankful for becoming a teen mother. Why? If I didn’t become a mother at 17 years old to my beautiful daughter, along with birthing my son at 22 years old, than I might not have any children. When I was only 26 years old, I had to have an emergency hysterectomy to remove a softball sized mass connected to my ovary. During the procedure they learned it was connected to my colon. If I didn’t have Alexa & Jojo when I did, I don’t think I would have had much time to have any.

2. I am thankful for being alive. I suffered horrific domestic abuse, as a young mother. Howeve, a decade later I was brave enough to publish a fictional novel called “A Different Ending”, loosely based on my story. It’s fiction because I wanted survivors to connect to things & feel understood. I was physicall, sexually, mentally & emotionally abused. Today I take 6 pills daily to help me with nerve damage in my face due to no receiving medical attention for my jaw that was misaligned after being hit unconscious…BUT I am alive & even better I have helped countless domestic abuse victims become survivors! As a domestic abuse advocate, I find resources within communities, so victims can safely leave. This makes being alive, even better than imagined.

3. I am thankful for my husband. This man found me at such a vulnerable time in my life. I was broken after the traumas of abuse. He picked me up, but made sure I knew that I needed to pick myself up the rest of the way. He’s loved me when even I found it hard to do so. He adopted my daughter, who is our daughter. Her biological father signed off, when I escaped from him and that life. He isn’t A 50/50 man, he is an 80 if all I can be is 20 that day. He works hard & pitch in at home. He is a remarkable father & husband.

4. I am thankful for my mother and finally having the few years to be closer than ever, before she passed in 2020. We didn’t always have a good relationship. As I became a mother, I realized how hard she worked & I could never get through the things she was through. I always chose my Dad when he was around, probably because he wasn’t always around… great father when there, but not a good husband. I grew up around a lot of chaos. My mom and I just didn’t understand each other, although she spoiled us rotten with love and everything else. Granted, I loved never hearing no, but I realized money didn’t erase the violence or other things in the home when my parents were together. She was an amazing Nana and had my kids equal time that my husband and I did... just because she wanted them. She had eternal struggles bipolar, depression and later I learned PPD (type of schizophrenia), which you would never know. I love and loved my mother. I am so lucky to have had her, we all!

5. I am thankful to be thankful for anything in life or just my life overall. After a tumultuous childhood, a domestically abuse relationship as a teen mother, the losses I dealt with, my health issues at such a young age and everything else, I struggled to be thankful for anything beside my children! I realized how incredibly lucky I really am for the opportunities I’ve created for myself, the love I receive & everything that makes me smile. Never did I think I’d get the chance to have intriguing children, a published book, the ability to help people live life, an interview on a world wide platform about being a domestic abuse advocate or write (I tried including the interview, but it wouldn’t let me. Figured it would bring these reasons to life). I’ve weathered more bad storms than good, but that’s what taught me to value the sunshine, no matter how dim or bright. I’m just thankful for my life, as a whole… I hope this is an acceptable for a 5th reason, although cliché.

I am grateful to be home

at peace

this crystalline night

safe secure

alone

to write

clearing my cluttered mind

one thought at a time

feeling sleep come.