I like this topic. It seems secondary but is so very important a theme-- primary. I feel Friend is more of a verb conceptually than a noun. A Being rather than an Entity. A Becoming rather than a State. It is the relationship of one Self to an Other.
One is drawn to Others for reasons inexplicable. I use One very deliberately and avoid person, because this relationship occurs as much with other humans, as with animals, or objects even-- odd as that might sound. All depends on personality, more so than human nature. (Friendship is not reserved as a human capacity; and we know that One can be human, and unfriendly.)
My observation is that most people are Interested-- they are adherent to the idea that Friendship is Give & Take. With an emphasis almost inevitably on what is Received. Or if given, then on what is gained from the apprehension of the Receipt. Where genuine friendship exists, there is no such Transaction.
To me the underlying trait of true Friend is Disinterest.
When you are Friending someone, or something, you do your best and with no expectations of return. You simply have a recognition of the need or needs of someone or something else and attend to it; whether it is being present, giving encouragement, or warning, or sustenance, it is done for the Good of the situation. Almost as if you have an unwritten obligation to that Other. Maybe from a past lifetime.
In the course of this opening up of One's Self to interaction, there is considerable risk. The Other has its own personality and characteristics. You run the risk of having your habits and thinking altered by that Other. A thing which may happen quite inadvertently and to the dismay of the Other, who suddenly finds things that were regarded with esteem to be vanquished in the necessary reaction that occurs when entities, on whatever level, meet. This occurred to me recently. I lost my ability to multitask. And everyone reassures me that it is for the best, that it's simply better to do one thing at a time, for the result of thing; but it is a Loss, to me, because it means simply that less gets done.
As an illustration of Friendship, I offer my Bajeczka. My familiar, whose name translates from the Polish to mean "Story," literally, though it could also be Fairytale. (*This is a true story.) My Bajeczka was half Siamese, half American Shorthair. Solid ginger, untypical for a female. Mackerel pattern. Her only brother, Słonecznik ("Sunflower") was Blotch tabby, also solid ginger. The two were born to our tiny red point Siamese, who my older sister had rescued from a tree with her friend Amy while at the bus stop. We were 12 and 14 respectively at the time. Free to good home, Słonecznik was adopted within minutes of "availability." Weeks passed. Nobody wanted Bajeczka, because she was female and deemed eventual kitten-making burden.
Nobody, I should say, except me. There was something about this cat that was unlike any I had ever experienced (and we'd had plenty, all great). I had this distinct feeling that I had been Friended. That this cat would choose my company even if I had nothing to give, in terms of material things (food, shelter, basic needs). Bajeczka saw me, and sought me, to perch on my shoulder as I did homework, or worked around the studio, or to take a walk in the yard with me side by side for 14 years. I suppose someone might say-- "sounds like a dog." To which I nod--depends on the dog.
One person leaves the room and the conversation shifts.
"Did you hear about...."
It never fails.
We all have a target on our backs, giving aim to whoever we surround ourselves with. It doesn't matter how hard you try to appease or do right by others, there will be someone ready to spread negative lies or painful truths about you.
The herd mentality is strong in the human species. Everyone joining in to feel on top or a part of something.
A true friend is someone who doesn't cower in your absence. Someone who is loyal regardless the slander that is spewed while your back is turned.
Standing up to a herd and stepping outside of the pack, willing to take a hit for someone you call friend. Sacrificing comfort for the protection of another is the purest form of friendship.
We all are fucked up in our own ways. A true friend won't be the one secretly laughing at you for it, valuing self-preservation more than you.
I just want the ability to actually love, to understand the differences between loves. Because love is not only romantic, but also familial, and in friendships.
All I need is trust
Anything else on its own is not enough
Nothing can make up for lack of trust
Only bringing self-doubt, annoyance and heartbreak
Because there is nothing that trust hasn't made
A friendship without trust becomes a pyre
They started playing with matches,
So I started playing with fire
To give what you take from me
Those who come together in shared experiences, understanding and gratitude have the strongest bonds. Often I have come across people who only wish to take from me emotionally, but become unwilling to return the same level of support when needed. The one who carries the load while the other prances ahead is not a mutually beneficial relationship. A healthy friendship is found in two who can embrace each other unconditionally, who can push and pull each other forward. Strength is admitting when you are too fragile to carry it all on your own.
I don't bestow the title of "friend" upon just anyone. To me it is a precious gift...a gift that I give and a gift that I need to be given. I have a very small circle of friends, but the friends I have are my chosen family...my inner circle...my urban tribe. I cherish them dearly and would do anything for them.
I am so fortunate to have found these incredible people, who have joined me on my life's journey. All of them are many different things to me, but most importantly they are loyal. I think loyalty is the cornerstone of friendship. It is the number one expression of friendship that makes me feel safe and secure to be myself, and to truly let people in to see the real me...deep, down inside, and don't judge me when I express my true self.
I am a very loyal person myself...loyal to a fault, and I give to my friends that very same precious gift of loyalty. To me that is so important to give and receive as a friend. I know that my choices in friends has completely changed and enriched my life, and for that I am so fortunate and blessed.
To let you in on a little secret, they feel the same way about me, which truly makes life grand!
Integrity in Sync
if it’s 2 a.m.
and I can’t sleep,
you’re awake anyhow
so we exchange heys
with one of many
when I feel off
– my mind’s gone
or my wallet got lost
– you say exactly
what I need
we hang out,
I receive respect –
no need for explanation;
our values match, and we
have open communication.
This is why, I call you
my best friend
The most valuable trait I can find in a friend is trust; unbreakable, ride or die, trust.
the most valuable thing one could find in any friendship is loyalty. Knowing that someone will have your back as your have theirs.
As the sun ascends from the east,
A tapestry of orange engulfs the sky,
Memories etched in its radiant hues,
Promises woven with each passing day.
Happiness resides not in mere dreams,
But in the blessings, we hold dear,
Those who fill every precious moment,
Whose absence leaves a void too clear.
In our envisioned frames of the future,
They find their rightful place,
Their presence, a beacon of solace,
An embrace that time cannot erase.
Together, we face the depths of fear,
When the world wears a smile,
In their eyes, we glimpse strength,
For they understand us, free from guile.
A call that holds no agenda or cause,
Just a simple query, "Are you okay?"
Year after year, we draw them close,
Sharing triumphs, marking each day.
And in their patient souls, a virtue unfurled,
They become irreplaceable, the rarest of gems.
For in a world of haste and restless whirls,
They offer solace and tranquility, like diadems.
With steadfast calm, they weather life's storms,
Guiding us with unwavering grace.
Their gentle words, like healing balm,
Bring peace to our tumultuous space.
In moments of chaos, they stand serene,
Their patience an anchor that keeps us strong.
They teach us the beauty of waiting unseen,
And with understanding, right our every wrong.
In a realm where instant gratification reigns,
Their presence is a beacon, a resolute sign.
Their patience, a testament that remains,
That their love and worth are truly divine.
No happiness greater than a life embraced,
With joy, laughter, and love by our sides.
In their company, our hearts find solace and rest,
Forever grateful for the love that abides.