Woe Is Me! Woe to Our Nation!
This is the sport of texting! The stakes are high and the rewards are plentiful - to the winners! I'm the Sad Person With No Life, here to tell you all about it!
Texting requires extreme focus and extensive training! Professional texters may spend as much as 12 hours on the phone, texting all their baes! Only through tough training and practice can a person ever hope to become a professional! Texting is pursued by the best and brightest teenagers of the nation, as well as their wannabe "cool" parents!
Here are the rules for professional texting:
1. Own the newest iPhone. Only the newest iPhone will work for this intensive sport. Owners of any other phones will be prohibited from participating, and will be relegated to status of "that one weird kid with the Android phone", a fate worse than death.
2. Texters must be able to reply to any message in under 10 seconds.
3. All text messages must contain a minimum of 3 uses of "LOL"
4. There must be at least 5 nonsense "slang" words that make no sense
5. At least 12 emojis per message, but 15 is highly recommended.
6. Be sure to make fun of your parents as much as possible! it's not like you'll ever be in that position. LOL ;)