Is the rush I feel in my wound-licked soul

the holy spirit or just abused, rusty

fans behind the pews, working overtime to keep

cool amid summer heat, derived

from impending fire and brimstone?

I squirm. 

The pastor holds up a bible 

and says, HE is joining us

HE is here, manifest.

Repent, and raise those hands!

The emperor with no clothes felt

more clothed than me right then,

the roof removed from my sin-riddled

self, marred and twisted by judgment

casket blown open, a seal broken

standing face to face

with God

or a rusty fan. 

We were born as dust

embodied with seeds

straightened as roots grew

multiplied as wind blew

alphabetized by sun and water

and time

running as we're still

waiting for the moonlight

to rest

that's made manifest.

Outnumbered by our own

mid twenties bankrupt babies

crying for job spots

as we were cradled for bigger things

like music for shadow dancers

or night tempered alley performance

but that won't pay

as words don't pay

as filthy governments won't pay

for beauty or harmony,

all is reserved for business

adding zeros to their numbers

as zeros naturally grow in stems

and olive leaves cure headache

that job seeking gives

that's made manifest.

Ecological thoughts

in economical structures

they forgot the numbers

in multiplying roots

hollow sentences

in forsaken harmony

found between black and white

between C and C sustained and A

and F and english breakfast tea

and black coffee and a sour treat

grown in trees

fallen into our hands

while we were thinking gravity

that's made manifest.

Insurance won't cover angst

or depression

or passion scars

or elite art pissing in dark alleys,

but a broken leg is a bigger issue

than sadness in a broken tissue

or everything that drowns

in seawaves and philosophy

inside an empty check

inside an empty bottle

draught by an empty young man

reading an empty manifest

about misconceived things

inside an empty structure

that's also made manifest.

I saw the words unsaid, I knew

You truly meant them, 

Too.

I saw the silence absorbed by

The golden embrace:

You.

I saw your suitcases, the two

Already packed, all

Full.

I saw you packed teardrops as well,

Some were mine, some were

Yours.

And I made no effort, nothing

To hold, hold onto

You.

I knew you,

River, you were

a kinder thing -

      what sunless wild tore

      your tongue into

      this spitting froth -

      knotted with your heart,

      what swallowed stone

      made home now 

      grates to frantic grit

the song that

held me gently

once?

Darling, if you only knew

How your voice roars

Louder than any thunder

Your soul's melody, more powerful

Than waves pounding against the rocky shore

Flowers begin to grow

Every time your soft soles kiss the Earth

Your eyes - a sea of green and blue hues

The universe bows before you

You are not as small as you think

My child,

You could manifest anything beyond your wildest dreams

Whisper your promises

in echoes of life -

words filling cracks

in my mind.

A blissful shelter

calming my turmoil.

restless manifestations

that the sun

will ignite the heart,

flash future expectations.

symphonies of cardinals.

But the sun alienates

my fading emotions

in ephemeral transitory

brevity as life changes

and evolves and

metamorphoses into

molten red ball.

Life begins and ends,

ashes in the ground,

but flashes of

future expectations

vow growth

of new beginnings.

Flames of warmth

rekindle and ooze

through battered

crevices in façades

rekindling

manifest destiny -

to love and live

and wave hello

and goodbye

knowing that which

I have sowed

will continue

as my legacy

and I will

continue on,

a seed in

the fresh earth.

She told him

She wasn't interested

And she wasn't

Emotionally available

Her time was limited, so

She told him

To stay away

And she urged him--

She defined herself as

A bad choice, warning him:

"I will hurt you."

She even told him

Pop culture had created

The perfect phrase to explain:

"It's not you, it's me."

But he didn't listen

He kept pushing, and

He kept asking for more

And eventually

She caved, and

She let him in

Affording him courtship

She became vulnerable

And she really did try

She compromised, and

It was fun while it lasted

He was kind, and

He turned her on

They talked about poetry

And literature and music

But the courtship

It grew large fast

It enveloped her

With its oversized dimension

Occupying her capacity

With no space for

Anyone or anything new

And it left no room

For her to breathe

And her chest tightened

With anxiety ascending, so

She begged him for space

She explained that

She couldn't breathe

Her dual conciousness was

Collapsing, and

Her gut filled with soot

She began to burn

At both ends, forcing

Her lungs to the side

When all she needed

Was oxygen, and

A deep cleansing breath

But she was unable

She couldn't inhale

And still

He didn't listen

As he watched her

Gasp for air

She was hysterical, and

Treading with fright

So she told him

She'd fuck his brother

While his nephews watched

She'd murder his mother

With the straightedge

Of his very best razor, and

She'd drink all of his booze

Until she regurgitated

All of the lies they'd told

And she'd destroy his house

And she'd boil his cat

And she planned to spend

All of his money, leaving him

Homeless and broke

And perhaps it was all a threat

Or perhaps she really meant it

Darwin could explain--

One's survival evolves

But finally --

He finally listened

He finally took a step back

He said that he wanted

All of his books back, and

What am I supposed to do

with this new bottle of viagra?

And he said

He couldn't understand

She'd come at him

From left field swinging

This was ALL news to him

How could she hurt him

She never talked about

The need for space, and

Now she was saying

Such awful things

Pushing him away, and

Threatening him

So he'd leave

And he was mortified

By the pain and the shock

But she DID warn him

From the very beginning

She said if

She wasn't availed

The room that she needed

To breathe and exist

She'd panic, and

In a desperation to survive

The courtship wouldn't last

She told him

What she needed, and

She asked for it honestly

She even bargained

And she BEGGED

Because she knew eventually

The relationship would manifest

Into something destructive

And ugly and unforgivable

So she grew deviant with

The Devil's evil blessing

And she did what she had to

To get away

And to live.

In search for the space

She needed to breathe

Because suffocating is painful

Especially in slow motion

But now she wades, alone

Drowning in guilt

Even though she was honest

She cut him with ice

And she shudders

With the sadness

She caused him to bear, and

She isolates herself

In her own pit of tar

With petroleum seeping

From her pores, and

Fossilizing her dead heart

She seems cold now, and

Maybe she is

Or maybe she always was...

Or maybe--

She was fragile

With exceptional needs for

Extra breathing room, and

For a little more space

Above what is "normal"

But her strong independence

Proclaimed the honest truth

She was so fucking fearful

That'd she'd never

Catch her breath, and

If he had listened at all

In the beginning--

Or even in the middle

Perhaps the apparition

Of her trepidation exploding

Would never have surfaced.

she was like a crumbled piece of paper,

thrown into the realm of darkness

with no hopes of living and no desire of existing

until one day, she learned the manifestation miracles.

the stars and the constellations were with her this time,

for when her soul was on fire everything was forbid

forbid from going the wrong side

and just like that she waited for the magic to happen.

day and night, oh yeah

day and night she strived hard and harder

coz someone wise has said,

'he who strives, conquers the universe'

this time it wasn't just the universe,

it was the universes and their masters

for she was nothing but a plain brush

that couldn't survive without the canvas.

thus with her beloved universe she set

set ready to manifest,

manifest a whole lot of miracles

for turning dreams into reality was her enigma, an enigma so rare.

I Believe

In Magic

the Magick

of Words

&

the Spells

They Cast

&

Will

the Will

to See

the Deed

Done

Manifest

&

Eros

O’ Eros

With Out

There

Would be

No Desire

No Duality

Mired

So

the Muses

Say

To me

Trinity

#B27321

I've known you for lifetimes.

We were Pharaohs and Kings

Servants and Slaves,

You've kissed my dirty forehead

With sun-stained lips

Exclaiming, Tecum vivere amem, tecum obeam libens

We were Inventors,

Hungry and feverish.

We helped to create this

And we will surely watch it change

Colors like quiet laughing.

"We were Artists," you say,

"And Actors," I say.

And you smile like the movies,

But not like the movies

At all.

We have gone out kicking and screaming,

Stoic and silent.

We have lain in ashes

Inhaling each other and

Sending wishes to the wind:

I hope she reveals herself to me.

I hope we recognize our love.

I hope I find him. 

But my heart is a boomerang,

It always comes back to you.