who never told me
he loved me
his whole life
looked up at me
as I pushed his wheelchair
the day before he died
"You are my angel."
That was enough.
When a Star Dies
Your molecules bounced around your skin, an aura of anxiety and too much... everything. You radiated sunlight and radioactivity, lighting my world and mutating it. My Gemini dad - the Janus two-faced god of my childhood - I loved you and wanted to punch you in equal measures. You pushed me to the outer limits of myself. Made me achieve - goading, praising, berating, manipulating the best and the worst of out me. Because I am your daughter, kryptonite born of your own D.N.A. We were addicted to each other, I was your heroine and heroin. Now I'm a junkie still spiraling through withdrawal sixteen years later. My skin itches for your intense hugs, my mind crashes for one more debate, and my heart feels cut out. A cookie cutter dad shaped hole slowly bleeding out. When a star dies, it takes the universe with it.
#challenge #fathersday #complicatedlove #grief
Borderline Personality Disorder
I don't know what to give you this year
and if I try something from the heart, you'll hate it
it's like I'm dealing with two people
a Jekyll and Hyde
and I don't know how to react
to those outbursts or raised hands
that send me sobbing in panic attacks.
Let's just say
things were different
how they were two Christmas's ago
maybe six years in the past
I'd know what you want
and we'd be okay.
But you kinda forced me out the house today
and told me to do something stupid
and to never come back here
and you know what's funny?
That stupid thing would have been the best Father's Day gift
what you've always wanted
me gone forever
even if it means me scattered in pieces on the road somewhere.
let's not forget
you made mom think I'm crazy
He is Delta
He lives for them
He works for them
He breathes for them
He will one day die for them
But not today
Life is more than
Precious for him
Their lives are Precious
Even when he is in pain
He works through it
Pain is not Permanent
But Love is
Their love for him
Lifts him up
He Rules his Domain
They respect him
They Fuel him to be Great
He works until his body
He wouldn’t Change his
He breaks his back
And he is the happiest
He accepts it all
Because this is
His Domain. His Home
He is more than a
He is a Husband
And a Father
He Builds this Life
For them and only them
His love is unparalleled
He is Delta
Forever Protecting. Always There.
To You, Dad
You were great and always am.
Thanks. I thank God for such a good Dad as you.
Thanks for getting it right Dad.
My Dad taught me that anything you need to know about life can be found in Nature documentaries, Dr.Who and Star Trek.
I'll always be grateful.
Eyes open halfway to the morning light
Squinting, I turn over
Hearing high pitched familiar voices from the other room
My children needing me as always
But today I want extended sleep
To close my heavy lids and
Instead, I rise slowly
Following my children bounding down the stairs
My lead feet lead to the kitchen to retrieve my black screen, sleeping phone
I wake it gently, scrolling past images of last night
But then my world crashes with the look of one icon
A simple text, reveals something deeper.
Sister’s voice trembling, stuttering to get the words out…
Shutter the thought.
Where did you go?
And now I wish I had stayed in bed forever.
1935- 1 December 1998
Native American Cowboy bronc buster
Known in certain circles as the Coyote
The charming one, the trickster, thief
Stealer of hearts, shape shifter
World drifter, womanizer.
My mom is both to me
There's nothing much to him. Just brown, curly hair; deep, brown, dull eyes; tan, soft skin. He abused my mom, tortured her, isolated her from her family, got her pregnant, then tried to kill me before I was born. He never came around after I was born. I never had a father figure.
So I guess, in a sense, my mom was my "dad" as well as being my mom. She took both roles as her own. And now that she's gone, I lost both parents in one swift motion.