Parenthood?
Parenthood is one of the most difficult journeys for all involved. Becoming a “parent,” is a world changing event; but on this new path: baggage is loaded and comes along for the ride, minimal training is available on this endeavor and flaws become the reality in which the battle will be forever-fought and lost. But a “Good” parent will continue to work through their own failings to make the world better for their children. Will mistakes be made? Will stupidity shine through? Will shortcomings come to the fore? Let me ask this: Is the parent/s trying? Because parents are not “All Knowing,” all they can do is try to do the right thing, try to make the right decisions, try to do what’s best for all involved, try and improve and do better. Because they fall short does not make bad parents. Failure to try…?
Endangering a child or teen is something completely different than parenting. Contact “Child Protective Services” immediately! If you are in fear for your life talk to someone immediately and get help! Do not face this alone. If you are in school talk to your teachers and counselors that are there to help you as an individual. Your parents may not understand beating you is wrong, because that is how they were raised: this is the cycle that must be broken. “Child Protective Services” can also help train them how to become better parents and perhaps save a life.
For @Allyson
Dear Allyson,
It is never okay to hurt someone physically, emotionally, or mentally.
Parents correct their children when they do something wrong. The dividing line between good parents and bad parents is this:
When good parents correct their children, they do it out of love, while bad parents do it out of anger or maliciousness. Also, good parents don't make their children fear for their life and even when they spank their child, they don't leave bruises.
I don't think you're judging them wrong, either. Good parents tell their children they love them, and make them feel worth something, because they are.
No matter what your parents tell you, you are not worthless. Everyone has a purpose, and everyone is equally loved by God. No one has the right to tell you otherwise.
Allyson, I know this is really hard for you, and I'm praying for you. I think it would be wise to talk to someone you really, really trust about what's going on, like your grandmother or another relative. They can really help you through these hard times. Just hang in there with everything you've got, and know that people care about you and are praying for.
Love from your friend,
@Chainedinshadow
For Allyson
Being a parent has been the toughest thing I've ever done, there are no right ways, no books to follow, but there are definitely wrong ways and lines that can be crossed. We are all shaped as parents by our own parents- sometimes this is great and sometimes this is tragic. Typically we carry a mix of our childhood into our own parenting skills. For example: extremely religious families tend to raise children who either a) become extremely religious or b) completely rebel. The same can be said for children who are raised in traumatic situations (not that church cannot be traumatic it absolutely can). A child that grows up in a broken home with addiction for example will either a) carry on the addiction into their life or b) leave it behind.
We are all subjected to a myriad of things that shape who we are as parents. When two people raise kids together they are bringing in two completely different references from which to parent, and this can make parenting really shitty. As a parent I can say that I never want my child to feel judged, on the flip side of that I have no problem letting her know when she's not doing right. That being said she is younger than you by a few years.
Remember that while they have some control over you, you are a completely separate human who will take these memories and leave one day. Soon, you will be out on your own, and then it will be up to you whether or not you even remain in contact with them. You may look back and see that their judging and harshness came from their own place of childhood trauma.
As far as them touching or hurting you, at your age, absolutely not acceptable in my opinion. I have never and will never use physical punishment on a child of any age. Many families do- but if it's coming from a place of anger then it is more than inappropriate, it is abuse. This is something that you will carry with you, and hopefully can break the chains in your own life.
If they are harming you to the point of feeling your life is threatened please know that under no circumstances is that even remotely okay. They have legal rights (in most states) to punish you although that is a really fine line.
I'm not sure who's telling you your parents are great, but likely they are seeing a one sided story. A story seen from the point of view from the parents, and not from the teenager. So as an outsider, a parent, and a teen not that long ago myself, I'd say you are warranted to feel this way.
Please know there are people who can help you if you need it.