Forgot it was Valentine's Day 'till I saw the Doodle. Honestly, it surprised me how little I cared. I had class to go to and problems to start, research work for my meeting.

It was the first rainy day in months. High of sixty in an eighty-degree week. Gray and cloudy and wet and I loved it. I'm from the gray and the wet and the green, and this place grinds me down. This day after day of desert, day after day of the heat and the sun.

The cool was refreshing, it lifted me up as I stepped out the doorway, put a smile on my face as I splashed through the streets. Grabbed dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, and we walked with umbrellas unopened.

And when I got home there was a box on my doorstep, wrapped up in plastic so it wouldn't get wet. Little heart-shaped chocolates, made by my mother, and more bubble wrap than you would use on a vase.

The sound of the car door slamming echoed across the car park. I watched as the car lights left the carpark and pulled away up the hill. Shouldering my pack I wander down through the half closed main street of this coastal village. Out of season there are few people around, there's the shop that sells Cornish fudge, the kids used to love that when they were little. The shop is just operning so I buy a small packet, the stuff is disgustingly sweet but I have a long way to go I might need a sugar burst later.

That's the pub were Dad managed to tip a pint of beer onto my lap, the chip shop - closed for renervations, re-operning in April- that has provided many an evening meal, the b&b the Captain and I stayed in one weekend many years ago.

The shop that sells lucky charms is still there, I had one for years until I lost it on a trip to Australia. Deciding to buy a replacement, a 'Joan o'the wad' I swing my pack off and retrieve my purse, tucked in the back is a note

Happy Valentine's day, see you tomorrow xx

Later, walking along the wild Cornish cliffs with the wind buffeting me, the seagulls screaming over head and the scent of gorse in the air I feel grateful, sometimes the best gift you can give someone is the chance to be alone.

I can remember a time when for many years I longed for love.

Love had a very warped meaning for me back then.

I basically needed someone to devote their entire human experience to my enjoyment.

I felt inside like people should love me, that it was protocol.

All religions say that we should love, right?

Love would stop wars, right?

I felt love was being conciderate of others, and making sure others were happy. I felt that love meant constant giving with no traces of selfishness. I felt that love was to be expressed. I felt that family should always show unconditional love. I felt that friends should always be there with forgiving hearts. I felt that partners should be faithful and wrapped up in each other all of the time. I felt that social charity groups should be nonjudgemental.

Well thanks to you writers I read to many fiction novels. Ha. Just kidding. I misinterpreted all of it. Since I expected more of every human I met than they could or should give, I spent many Valentine's Day alone. Or feeling very alone anyway. People couldn't handle feeling bad because someone expected them to fill the hole inside of their heart. We have to that ourselves.

When I finally focused on me and not others I slowly begin to realize that I enjoyed my own company. I would treat myself on this sweet holiday. I begin to find things in the world I loved and enjoyed. As I grew to love myself and this experience I drew others to me that enjoyed what I did. I recieved my first Valentine gift that I didn't guilt someone into sharing five years ago from my now fiance. I now am enjoying different types of love.

Enjoy the Valentine's gift hidden in your own heart this time. You will never look back.

Doesn't bother me one bit.

Why would it? It's just a hallmark card day, pointless.

In fact, Valentine's day is useless to everyone. Why should you only put the effort in to be romantic one day of the year if you are with someone or fancy someone from afar?

You should be doing it every day, or if that's too much once a week at least.

Just me and my thoughts,

Six years in a row.

I'm sure I made history.

New record, probably.

The outward thoughts try to comfort me.

It doesn't bother me anymore.

I don't even care.

Who needs a valentine?

I don't need anyone.

But still, the dark reminds me I'm a liar.

For in those still nights,

While I lay in an empty bed

And swallow melting chocolate

Listening to angry sad music,

My tears remind me that I wish I had someone.

I’ve become so accustomed to spending this day alone.

It doesn’t phase me very much because I’m frequently on my own.

I’m not going to lie, a gift or three would be great.

Better yet, a handsome man taking me on a date.

But I’m okay and I’ll always be fine by myself.

No chocolates to eat so this day keeps me in good health.

Being alone on Valentine's day is just as lonely as being alone any other day.

If you're lonely, there are a lot of ifs and places for the mind to wander off to. A lot of drinks to go with thoughts that might lead but to repeat themselves like echoes.

If you're just alone it's... not bad at all.

Valentine's not as "in your face" as Christmas.

Laundry.

Shower.

Lay in bed.

I avoid social media for fear of seeing you in the arms of another.

For fear of my heart breaking once more.

As I come to the realization that this day, a day that meant so much a year ago, is no longer important to me.

It is just another day of being alone while yearning with all my heart for you.