Sometimes I think

I’ve lived too long -

a thousand years

of turmoil

engraved

on my skin.

Layers of light

rising out of reach,

interlaced thoughts

obscured by fog.

Coldness cleaving

to my soul

in icy daggers.

I look within

and see beginnings

of precious times

still to come -

the future pulses

within my heartbeat

as I feel warmth

of liquid sun

rebounding in waves

of promise.

Sometimes I think I’ve lived too long. From a young age I was told to be careful what I do and how I do, being a black man in America makes you feel like you’re in danger at all times and every day, hour, minute, second, and breathe is blessing. I think I’ve lived too long to not feel comfortable as me to be comfortable living because even though I know I’m in danger to everyone else I’m the dangerous one. I think I’ve lived too long because I’ve had success which isn’t expected of someone of my dark skin. I think I’ve lived to long and I think it’s only a matter of time before my too long life becomes a too short life, a life filled with what ifs and maybe if I did. I think I’ve lived too long but I haven’t lived long enough. @Famewriter

Sometimes I think I’ve lived too long

Taken up too much time on this planet

Covered too much space

That’s just how life is

Sometimes I think I’ve changed too many people

Made them to be exactly who I need

It doesn’t matter that they aren’t who they were

We have more in common now

That’s just how life is

Sometimes I think the world would be better without me

The arguments caused by me wouldn’t exist

Everyone could live in peace

As they did before I came

And ruined everything

That’s just how life is

Sometimes I think I’m too hard on myself

But then I remember how much is my fault

I remember all the lies I’ve told

And all the grudges I just can’t let go

That’s just how life is

Sometimes I think I should be less controlling

I like to know exact details about everything

I like to make sure everything is going according to plan

That can get in the way of things sometimes

I need to trust others to do the right thing more often

That’s just how life is

Sometimes I think I need to do something about my procrastination

But I don’t know how

It keeps me from writing and doing school work

I know it’s an inconvenience

But I don’t know how to stop it

I don’t know how to force myself to do what I need to

That’s just how life is

Sometimes I think I’m a complete mess

Because of all the reasons listed above and more

I don’t know how to change myself

I don’t know if I’m really fine

And the only reason I think otherwise is that I’m unconfident

That’s just how life is

Sometimes I wish I could just disappear

I wish I could stay in one place for the rest of my life

And never have to worry about anything

And never have to do anything else

But that’s just not how life works

Sometimes, I just wish things were different

But I have to live with what I have

I have to be happy with what I have

Because it’s all I will ever have

Unless I make a change

And I can’t see myself doing anything drastic

It’s just how life works

Sometimes I think I’ve lived too long,

I have been a mother to kids that are not mine,

I have raised them,

loved them and helped them grow.

I have been people’s friends,

Their rock,

Their support system,

I have been there for them.

I have been in love,

I gave my heart away,

Trusted that it wouldn’t get broken,

But it did.

I have been someone’s daughter,

I grew up,

I went to school,

I graduated,

I worked,

I give my parents my love.

I work,

I sleep,

I eat,

I care,

I give and never ask for anything in return.

I have done all of this and I’m exhausted,

I feel like I have lived a lifetime but I’m only 24,

24 isn’t that old at all yet I’m expected to have my life in order,

I’m expected to be everything I’m not.

At 24 I shouldn’t feel like this.

I shouldn’t feel like a failure,

I shouldn’t feel like I have lived too long.

Even with all of this I still wear a smile. Sometimes it’s fake because I don’t want people to worry,

And sometimes I don’t have the energy to explain why.

But I am smiling more for real than a mask that I have in a long time.

I still feel like I have lived too long but it’s a life I’m wanting to live.

I’m happy and even though right now my heart and soul are hurting I know I’m happy and everything will be okay.

And a really amazing friend told me ‘I know it’s a cliche but only time and good people around will heal you, no other way around it, I guess in the end you just wait until the pain is bearable and you can breathe without you throat getting tight... Its hard’

It’s a long life I’m willing and wanting to live.

Sometimes I think I've lived too long

But in my mind I know that's wrong.

The years I've lived are not too much

Compared to great grandma such-and-such

Adults bloom from a child's stem

I know someday I'll be like them.

And all grown up I'd sit and sigh,

At a ripe old age be ready to die.

I'd rather go with childhood's grace

Still written on my untouched face.

A brow with grown years still unknown

Preserved in each buried bone.

Not that I'm ungrateful for life

The chance to someday be a wife

And raise up children of my own

Who someday too, will be all grown.

But I've seen enough life in these few years

Untainted by adulthood's tears.

I've lived this time in perfect ways

With hope and love and childhood plays.

Sometimes I think I've lived too long.

Let me go now while still this song

Of youth plays on my rosy lips

Unmarred by age and its eclipse.

sometimes i think i’ve lived too long

but then i remember all i still have to do

then i remember all that i’ll never have time for

and i realize

there is no such thing as living too long

every second we get on this planet is precious

the good and the bad

in reality,

i think no one has ever lived long enough

no one has ever gotten to do everything they could

i’m going to do everything my short time allows me too

and i’ll do whatever i can

to make my time long and worthwhile

you haven’t lived too long

there are still people who need you

whether it’s now or in the future

don’t let them down

by making your life shorter than it was meant to be

Now I am an empty house, all alone, abandoned

out on the open prairie.

My roof sags, and leaks. My windows all broken now, where once had shiny glass.

Once my rooms were full of laughter and song

the family lived here all day long.

Once I felt the pitter patter of little feet

Running in and out to the street.

On one of my door facings you can see how

much the little ones have grown.

There was once a garden out back

and a clothesline to hang clothes to dry.

But these memories sometimes make an old

House like me shudder and cry.

Ma passed then Pa too, the kids they just didn’t know what to do.

So here I am in an empty field, with an empty life,

Sometimes I think I lived too long.

DB.

Have I overstayed my welcome?

I looked up Fantasy

and pounded a

rapture

on the

door...

A portal opened in 

my eye as I...

peered through 

the key 

hole.

Why does no one answer

all these questions

compelling 

me to 

task...?!

I've downed bottled wisdom

but a Host or

Hostess

did not

find.

Left standing just outside

shall I leave then

note or

calling

card...

To remind the Land that

I once arrived

and served

out my

time...?

#SometimesIfeelveLivedTooLong #Challenge #?!

"I think I've got too many memories getting in the way of me,

I'm 'bout to go Tonya Harding on the whole world's knee."

-FOB

Sometimes I think I've lived too long.

The days pass like silk through my fingertips,

Memories that unfold quietly, softly.

I remember my mother's smile,

And the sound of her singing is something I cannot hear anymore,

It seems like with everything that passes,

I lose a little every day.

I remember playing in the grass with my sister,

The blades tickling my feet,

Rolling through the hills,

Collecting violets and daises, the sun up in the noon sky.

My father's laughter used to echo through this house,

He chuckled at something my older brother said,

I sat on his knee as the records played,

Tugging at the buttons on his shirt.

I was the youngest,

And now I'm the only one left,

Memories that fade like old clothes in the wash,

Are the only thing I have left of the past.

@Famewriter