School
THE RULES MAKE NO SENSE!!!!!
If bring a book to school, they love you. If you bring a kindle, you are the devil’s spawn.
Keep your phone in your in your locker and turned off at all times. A- redundent. B- What if we go on lockdown and need to text our parents? Our school has a HISTORY of lockdowns!!! Our parents are watching the news, but have no way of contact us. Why? Because of you, School.
The classes are repetitive, the teachers are often incompetent, creativity is stifled, funding is non-existant, and unreasonable expectations are piled on every day.
So I’m sorry that my school spirit isn’t strong enough for you.
Punctuality
I hate being late.
I was raised in the Midwest, and it took a long while to drive anywhere, but when you had somewhere to be, by God, you made it on time.
I pride myself on my internal clock's ability to log hours / minutes spent, and predict how long it will take to prepare - transport - find - arrive at my final destination. With the advent of GPS all this can boil down now to beautiful science, with only a few exceptions for accidents or divine intervention. It honestly pains me to run late, to the point my stomach twists in on itself and the shame and horror of my inability to show respect for someone's time cripples me. I can't stand it. I tend to prefer leaving overly early and waiting, rather than face the painful recriminations of poor scheduling.
.....
Then I moved to California.
And I'm sorry, but this entire fucking state is late to everything.
It started with school events - watching in horror as people continued to roll in even an hour after something had started, and in equal horror as nobody stopped them. Then there were social events - again, a revolving door of people coming at all times of the party and leaving whenever. I learned my friends purposely set their start times two hours ahead of when they really wanted anyone to show up, knowing they wouldn't make it on time. Then professionally even there were latecomers to meetings, people calling in via Bluetooth from cars, and my mind just snapped.
How????
I get the ungodly amount of traffic this overpacked state has, God bless it, but sweet Christmas in July can we not learn to compensate?? Have multiple events at different times rather than an ongoing slosh that people will only semi enjoy half of at any given point?? Use all that Silicon Valley know-how to create more remote work opportunities where all you have to do is get up, get dressed, and stand in front of a computer screen at a reasonable time??
When I married a native I had to learn to let go, and for the most part I've accomplished it. I no longer get sick to my stomach, I just grit my teeth and swear under my breath a lot. Given my grumpy demeanor nobody really notices. When I do complain everyone assumes I'm joking and all I can think is how they would last back East where their lack of temporal concern would immediately blacklist them in their communities.
Perhaps that's the real problem, though. Out here there are no real communities - it's not about respecting other people's time, it's about doing things on your time - and hence if you have to deal with traffic or crowds or whatnot that's on society, not you. After realizing how we've crammed people into ever growing job centers, with no thought to the sheer number of parents or workers who have to navigate through the horde to get to soccer practice or sales calls, it makes sense that no one cares anymore about punctuality. They only care that you put in the effort to make it at all.
Maybe one day when I'm retired, I can go back to being on time.
Or maybe, by then, I'll have slowed down enough to where I no longer care.
I’m Amazed By You
Yes, you read that right!
I'm AMAAAAAZED by you
AGHAAAAST at you
ENTHRAAAALLED by your ability
to make it about you
I DIDN'T LIKE THE MOVIE!
How sad for you.
THE SCIENCE DIDN'T MAKE SENSE!
That's why it's a movie.
I HAVE A DEGREE AND I KNOW!
He strikes, again!
MY FRIEND HAS LOST HER JOB!
How terrible for her.
I WISH SHE WORKED WITH ME!
How kind thoughted of you.
MY JOB HAS GREAT COMPENSATION!
Another one bites the dust!
TODAY'S MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY!
Happy birthday to her.
HAVE YOU ALL TOLD HER SO?
I just did.
I TOLD HER THIS MORNING, AND IT WAS THE BEST!
How are you doing this?
DID YOU BRING THE ROAST TO THE POTLUCK?
Yes, I hope you liked it.
I BROUGHT THE CHEESE TRAY!
Well, thank you for doing that.
I PAID $50 FOR IT!
Why the fuck would you feel proud of that?
HOW'S YOUR DIET GOING?
Well, thank you for asking.
YOU KNOW I LOST MORE WEIGHT BY DOIN-
No!
Nope!
You're done!
It's over!
This is the end of this poem.
I'm, like, really pissed off at you, right now.
Just shut up.
I'm done.
Mom, I read your diary.
Don't worry, nothing I didn't already know. You're tired, you're scared,
You don't
want to
go to
church.
I would've found out eventually. Other people like to tell me things.
All the things you don't.
Like my
Like how you've been divorced.
Like how I shouldn't come out to my aunt and uncle because they're homophobic. Oh, right, back to church.
Because here's something important: I DON'T WANT TO GO EITHER. You know that. I had to scream at you for months, fake being sick every Sunday for years, shove down my panic attacks when we walked into the chapel, but finally you figured that the fuck out.
And you didn't let me stay home until month after I told you that, a month of you dragging me to our STUPID church for another USELESS sermon that you think for some reason is more important then my mental health well
IT'S
NOT.
Shut up and stop crying when I say I don't want to be a christian. I went to church on christmas because I didn't want you to scream---not because I've found god again.
To be honest, I don't think I ever found him in the first place.
This isn't a phase I'm going through because I'm a flighty teenager, and if you can preach tolerance of other religions or lack thereof, you can practice it and leave me the FUCK ALONE for wanting to reconsider my beliefs. I'm never been so at peace with my spirituality and if you want to fuck that up then go ahead because I'm done letting you run my mind. You can take me to church on easter or all year for that matter but it won't make a difference, it won't do anything, give up.
I know you don't want to go to church, mom. I don't know why you won't speak up for me when dad tells me how much it hurts him to have me stay at home for two hours a day. I don't know why you refuse to have a conversation about this without inviting him because you're the only one I can talk to about it. And I really wish you'd say something but you Won't so i'll just ignore you. Enjoy church mom, because if you won't stick up for me then I won't help you when you inevitably decide you can't lie anymore and tell dad he has to go to church alone.
Well, not alone, since my brother loves church. Forget finding your own spiritual understanding, let's just drag the third grader to church and see if he turns out okay. In fact, let's drill god into his head so well that when he starts to question why he's the only kid in his house to pray at dinnertime, he'll try and convert his sister!
Sorry, that's just speculation. Like the fantasy you have about me returning to church, this whole ordeal a momentary lapse in a long, god-fearing life.
Fuck that. I'm angry, I'm done, you won't tell me anything but I don't fucking care. Enjoy your sunday, I'm going to plan for a future after I move out and don't have to listen to you say, "That woman has a son. You would like him, since he doesn't want to go to church either."
I'm not the golden child, mom. My older brother already took that from me. I don't know what you were expecting, but clearly it wasn't this. I'm going to take the bible you put in my room and chuck it out the window, if you don't mind.
Have a good night. You should probably write more things in your diary that you don't feel like telling me or ever addressing in your life. In the mean time, I'll publish a post that I don't feel like addressing with you any time in the next decade, because like mother like daughter, right?
I think the apple jumped out of the tree.
Nothing Worse
Nothing worse,
Nothing more terrible -
Than a liar and a fake
A narcissistic sociopath -
Who just wants to take
A manipulater,
Twisting and turning,
Far worse than a hater,
It will feel good - the burning,
You never know what they’re thinking,
Always misleading, charming
Morphing into whatever you need,
Most ignore all that is alarming
You won’t know they got you,
They’re just that (good?) bad,
You won’t know they destroyed you
Until they already have
© Kimberly Caplinger 2020
20 Second Poems
Being set in one’s ways
"Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are the same story!"
"No they aren't."
"Yes they are! I can prove it to you!"
"No, they aren't, and I don't care about your argument."
This was a real life exchange that got me heated. It isn't about the argument, it's about the fact that this person (who is actually quite intelligent) would dismiss a potentially valid argument about two interesting pieces of fiction and their relationship, simply because they choose to not be swayed in another direction.
There is nothing worse for this country or this planet than people who are too set in their ways. I hate nothing more than the thought process "This is what I learned, so this is what I believe."