I choose to love you in silence,

For silence will shield me from rejection.

i choose to love you from a distance,

For distance will protect from me from pain

I choose to feel you in the wind,

For the wind is gentle on my skin than my heart feeling the warmth of your own

I choose to look away from eye contact,

For the fear you will see the war that goes deep into my eyes

I choose to not let love in whole heartedly, for the fear of being in capable and left behind

I choose to be on my own, to experience what it’s like to step into my soul

For now, I choose to love you in silence

There's something about change

that leaves me terrified to make a move.

The fear of losing this,

for what feels like it'll be the last time,

is too great.

But the thought of change

also entices me.

It draws me in, then leaves me craving more.

Offers hope,

with no promise of following through.

The thing about change

is that it could go too many different ways.

It could be the best thing that ever happens to me,

or it could devastate me,

tear me apart in the blink of an eye.

The big thing though,

about change,

is that it can also happen slowly.

You could pull away,

we could fade, become lost.

And that type of change

is what keeps me coming back for more,

I get this false hope that you're not leaving.

I put my livelihood on the line

for someone who has no intention of staying.

Change can be positive,

but it's mostly only noticed

when it hurts.

When it tears apart

the one thing you have to live for.

I hit my peak. I hit my peak of trauma and pain. My mind was overflowing with thought, while my sadness was eating away at my heart. I was fighting the feelings of grief, an overwhelming amount of grief. Between 2018 and 2020 I lost my father-in-law to suicide, my best friend since childhood to addiction, my grandmother to sickness and my mother to an accidental overdose. Death is hard enough to deal with, but when you consider the reason behind a person’s death, certain reasons will make grief even more complicated.

I was suffering to say the least. I had so much that I needed to put into words, but talking wasn’t enough. To me, talking was the equivalent to water dripping from a faucet. I was able to get some thoughts and words out little by little. However, it wasn’t enough! I needed those thoughts and words to come out the way water uncontrollably flows over a waterfall. I was drowning because I couldn’t express myself. I needed a little direction, in order to get those words from my mind, to my fingers. My thoughts were everywhere and I didn’t know where to start.

Accidentally I came across Prose on Google.com. I was struggling to sleep and I needed an outlet. I needed a prompt. I needed to write. Searching the internet for prompts at three o’ clock in the morning, I came across this website and eagerly I created an account. I read through such beautiful pieces, some filled with pain that I understood. Quickly I knew that I was in the right place.

After reading such honest works amongst fictional posts, I felt safe and I opened up the floodgates. I scanned the challenges and found one I loved. For the first time in a long time, these writers who have no idea who I am nor do I know who they are, made me feel like I belonged.

It’s almost one year since I found this community, my community. Within this time on Prose, my mind isn’t drowning and I began to reconstruct my heart. Writing truly heals and having the opportunity to be apart of prose, has saved me in more ways than one. A community of writers is a special group of people. To truly understand the depth of healing we provide for each other, is something I wish everyone could experience. Prose is a place where my sadness wanders and my anxiety disappears, allowing love and peace to take the forefront. It’s a place where my mind and my heart pulls my authentic self out, so proudly.

Thank you all for your participation. The stories that were entered were just fantastic. Grand ideas and fun executions. enough fluff, lets get to the winners!

The story that took the top is:

"Fate's Firey Fist" by Jonas Stewart.

As usual, there were a few other gems scattered throughout, no point in leaving those out. While these stories wont take the top spot, they are still winners!

"The Raven and the Ghost" by CCG

"There's Gold In Those Hills" by Eric Johnson

"The Final Huddle" by Dusty Grien

Thank you all for participaing, hope to see you in the next challenge!