dead before

they could ever be

what might have been

we'll never see

so why go round

and round again

to show how wrong

(or right)

our law has been

why not instead

spend precious breath

on those

we find

this side of death

who may not see

age one or three

or ever know

great joy or glee

or even

feel a mother's

kiss

or have one time

full tummy bliss

why not use

our fleeting days

to think about

the many ways

we can make

our own space

a somewhat better

living place

for those who are

still here

here now

with heavy hearts

and

furrowed brows.

they did matter

and matter still

perhaps

to the ones

for whom time

does not elapse

who cannot

forget

what was

and

never will be

again

for while

we deal in

speculation

it's

their past

their pain and

their chagrin.

while she blasphemes

the god of butterflies

who flit and fly

'cross green glades

on sunny days

in May,

shower water

pummels

slick skin

as alizarin water

drains

the ache

which does not

diminish

but rather

crescendoes

with

each

drop

Voice a monotone whisper she says, I was hugging Hannah close, rocking, murmuring, crooning, crying hard right along with her..seemed like hours. Staring at endless nothing, she continues, When she finally stopped, I was so happy she had finally fallen asleep...so happy.

Sarah jumps awake and leans over to peer at the clock on her night table.

12:05 am! Where is he? He should be home by now.

She gets up and goes to the bathroom, listening for movement. All is silent and still in the house.

Crawling back into bed, she burrows under the blanket, missing Sam's warmth. She closes her eyes, fighting worry as she tries to sleep.

An hour later, the wind howls. Sarah shivers. Reaching out, she finds only his pillow. Her heart pounds as anxiey assails her.

He shouldn't have made the long drive home so late. He should have gotten a room. Maybe he left a message...

Glancing at her cell phone, the solid light taunts her.

In the same moment, the lamp she'd left on for Sam in the living room goes out.

Thank God.

She hears the thud of his footsteps on the stairs, the squeak as he reaches the last one.

"I was so worried," Sarah says as Sam slips into the room.

He crawls in beside her and she wraps herself around him.

"After thirty years, I don't sleep well when you're not home," she whispers, kissing his cheek.

I love you, baby.

"I love you," she whispers. Feeling his stillness, she smiles. He is asleep already. She closes her eyes.

"Mom!"

Startled, Sarah sits up and tries to focus. "Andy? What are you doing here, sweetheart? What's wrong?"

"Mom, the police are downstairs."

"What?" Looking right, she sees the empty space beside her.

"Is Dad downstairs with them?"

Confused, he replies, "No, Mom." He kneels down in front of her, holding her hands in his. "I was Dad's emergency contact." He clears his throat. "There was an accident. That's why I'm here. That's why they're here."

"Wait, what? There must be a mistake. Check the bathroom. Dad was here." She tries to get up and leave, but Andy pulls her into his arms.

"A tractor trailer lost control and shot across the divider on the highway. He was killed instantly."

"No. No, that's impossible. He was here. HE WAS HERE. He came home. I fell asleep in his arms. He said 'I love you.'"

"Mom..."

"Oh, you guys are playing a joke on me for being such a worrywort. Not funny, guys." She pulls away and runs out of the room and down the stairs. "Sam!! You are not funny. This is not funny!"

She sees the officers standing just inside the door.

I'm so sorry, baby. I love you.

"Sam!"

She moans, crumbling to the floor.

"Sam."

Lara hopes to be a ballet dancer when she grows up. It has been her dream since she saw the Nutcracker and Swan Lake with her grandmother when she was six and seven, respectively. She has been studying ever since. She works very hard, taking dance classes every day, including Saturdays. It is her goal to attend the School of American Ballet when she turns thirteen and can travel to the city on her own. She has already submitted a scholarship application and will audition in May. Since it is the feeder school to The New York City Ballet, she has faith that her efforts will bear fruit and she will one day leap across the stage at Lincoln Center's David H Koch Theater.

Dana wishes she could be a ballet dancer. She saw one on tv one day. There were no dance schools in her town, but that didn't stop her from leaping around the living room imitating the dancers until one day when she tripped and broke Mama's favorite lamp. Mama yelled and told her to stop acting a fool and clean up that mess.

Dana dreams of becoming a dancer every night. She prays that her dreams will come true. She has faith that her prayers will be answered.

If I were to discover in a flash of clarity that I was omnipotent, I would use the power to do anything to make myself omniscient, and with this power to know all, I would examine the multitudinous interactions of every person to ever draw breath to determine if there exists any plane of existence that does not end in humanity's self-destruction. If it does, I will dispense with free will and ensure that the world I have envisioned comes to pass. If it turns out, however, that humanity is inherently flawed, that self-destruction is always inevitable, I will accept as failed the great experiment that is humanity and allow the present reality to run its course till its natural conclusion: annihilation.

Perhaps I'll get a dog.

There is an episode of BBC America that my husband can watch (and has) repeatedly. The main character is a baby iguana that manages to escape dozens of hungry snakes within minutes of birth. (It's a rather fast-paced chase scene that may have you jumping up from the couch urging on the fleet footed fellow, getting one's adrenaline pumping as much as your favorite action film.)

Can you imagine within moments of taking your first breath, having the wherewithal to run for your life, to know instinctively that being still is a good first thought (if I remember correcrly, the snakes cannot see, but they sense motion), but running is the absolute and necessary follow up to the failure of stillness? Running fast and far and prefarably high up the side of a nearby hill?

They are wired that way.

Nature's wiring is mind-blowing.

Every living thing on the planet is wired. Or programmed. And although some species are more complex than others, the whole of it, from the single cell amoeba to human beings and everything in between, above and below, is intricate, interconnected and mostly still a mystery to us.

Ever wonder if stars have DNA?

What if,

when your heart stops beating,

the blood stops flowing,

your brain ceases to function,

and your flesh begins to decompose

as it returns to the simple elements

that are the building blocks

of all that we see,

that is, when you die,

what if

the I that is you

ceases to be?

Or, rather,

becomes more,

other,

as it merges

with all those who went before,

who are,

and who have yet to be.

What if,

time and space

as we experience them

are just constructions

that allow us to be

in our present forms -

Diverse, discordant, limited, mortal.

What if,

the end of this form

returns us to a plane of existence

where everything is simultaneously -

One, congruent, infinite, eternal?

“This is the day for which so many in the world have prayed. We at A1Nano, the not-for-profit research and development arm of AlphaAmaElon, Inc., are proud to announce that our ContraNanoC, or CNC as we call it in the lab, is ready for consumption. It will do for sufferers of cancer what quinine did for malaria. But better. Much better.

“What is CNC? We have injected vegetarian capsules with our patented A1 imbued parasites. Each capsule contains one million nanoscopic, smart parasites that includes both the cancer killer and the vaporizer. The suggested dosage? One capsule. One time. No chemo. No radiation. No hair loss. No expensive treatments that destroy mental and physical health, financial security, relationships.

“How does it work? Well, the cancer killing parasites immediately spread out to all areas of the body, including the brain and wipe out any cancerous growths as well as any cancer-causing organisms, chemicals or cells found roaming the body. As soon as the vaporizer senses that the body has reached maximum levels of cancer-cleanliness, all the cancer killers are eliminated, and, subsequently, the vaporizers deactivate. All the CNC is then excreted, leaving behind a healthy, cancer-free body.

“The best of times awaits!”

Thunderous applause erupts. Around the world in homes and hospitals, stores, train stations, airports, everywhere there is a speaker, people listen. Tears of joy abound. Strangers hug the person closest to them. Finally, FINALLY, they think, the greatest scientific minds have done something besides create instruments of war and death. Within days, that elusive killer cancer would be a thing of the past.

More importantly, thought a very small group scattered across the globe, within six months, the undetectable and highly contractable A1 nanoparasite, KtP, would be imbedded in the prefrontal cortex of every human being (and possibly some domestic animals, tests were inconclusive).

Except for this select group of great minds who had each ingested the antidote that would keep their gray matter free to think and make important decisions on behalf of the earth’s inhabitants, thus allowing a return to the just governance of a wisdom-loving ruling class who could make the most well-informed decisions on behalf of the masses.

It would be so much easier to keep the peace when no one questioned their decisions…

Translated from жылдыздардын тили

“Your report, Commander.”

“My lord and master of the light, I have concluded that despite the waves of planetary distress we have perceived, we would be best served to wait.”

“Wait? Your task was to plan the invasion and your conclusion is wait? We’ve done nothing but wait.”

“Please, my lord and master of the light, let me explain.”

“Do.”

“The behaviors and actions of the dominant species on the planet are the most relevant cause of the ever-swifter destruction of their home.”

“Yes, yes, which is why you were to plan an invasion. Without floods.”

“Yes, my lord, if you please. Reviewing the history of the dominant species, specifically since they ceased to live in small, self-sufficient communities whose actions were all geared toward ensuring that each member of the group could eat, be clothed and have shelter from the elements, I noted a very significant change.”

“Do tell.”

“The dominant species has gravitated into ever larger groups. It is a mere accident of genesis whether the individual is in a group that endeavors to ensure the well-being of most if not all of its members or if the many exist on the whim of a small few who have collected power to themselves. Between the extremes, of course, are variations.”

“Do you have a point, Commander?”

“Yes, well, I have discovered that when the members of the dominant species feel themselves threatened, they tend to unite with others who find themselves similarly threatened. Thus, if we were to invade, the likelihood is great that although some would welcome our intervention sensing it to be an improvement to the incompetence that abounds amongst the loudest, and some would betray their fellow inhabitants if they thought they themselves would benefit, the ruling powers with military might would gravitate to one another uniting disparate, previously adversarial groups, and make use of the unstable weapons they’ve created in an attempt to eliminate the threat. Us.”

“Impossible. We cannot be destroyed.”

“Well, yes, that is so, my lord and master of all that is light. However, they can destroy each other, as they are destroying themselves presently, incapable of seeing beyond the moment. And not just themselves, but the planet we hope to save.”

“The planet will regenerate. It was made to survive.”

“Yes, and if you please, it is already doing so.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My lord, if we just wait, the planet will save itself.”

“Save itself. Save itself?”

“Earthquakes, typhoons, mudslides, volcanic eruptions, forest fires, melting glaciers, tornados, hurricanes, droughts – the dominant species will continue to be overwhelmed by natural disasters until they will either change…or they won’t. Regardless, nature will win. If and when the species dies, nature will be reborn. Life will begin again. As it has done before."

“It was a little different then…”

“Yes, anyway, the most important weapon of the natural world, of course, are the myriad viruses that have seemed to sprout from the air, (or subspecies) causing finger pointing, if you will, fearmongering, scape-goating – a feast of negative behaviors that have been exploited by their media and on what they call social media. Where once on their planet information was limited in time and scope, now everyone knows everything and, therefore, nothing, immediately. So many untruths have been professed by those who were trusted, and now there are so many avenues of information, it seems everything is a fact and therefore nothing is. There is no truth.”

“Excuse me?”

“Forgive me, my lord and master of the light, You are the Way, the Truth and the Light. But not on this planet. Even those who claim to believe have forgotten how to do unto others as they would have done to themselves as a general point of departure for behavior. As I was saying, the viruses are killing people. The outrage and lack of trust is moving the temperature to boiling and soon anger and despair will finish off what nature alone could not. We need only wait.”

“So, no fire and brimstone?”

“No, my lord. You need not pierce your heart destroying that which you love in order to save it. There is every reason to hope that some will survive nature’s fury and, though history may contradict me, I believe they will learn and be better. Do better."

“Let it be so, Commander. Let us wait.”

“As you wish.”

And in that moment, across the earth, people looked up in awe at the beautiful rainbow in the sky.