She gasps and delivers me a smile mixed with shock and a need for me not to stop. I smile, trying to smooth out the wickedness of it as my fingers glide within her deeper; exploring, playing, and just simply enjoying the act.
She watches the staff of the restaurant shuffle by our corner table, all a bit too busy to notice what was transpiring or perhaps too busy to care. I watch her watch for us. I marvel at how she struggles to pose a normal look as she flicks moments of uncontrollable pleasure.
I notice our waitress approaching, out of the corner of my eye, with our wine. I let my fingers retreat my lover and watch her contort a smile as our waitress arrives at our table. A look passes between the two of them, it says everything and nothing at all, and tweaks my personal arousal to another level. We order our dinner and as our waitress parts our company, I lift my wet fingers to my lips and watch my lover watch me suck them off and watch her tremble. I slip my hand back under the table, under her dress, and glide my fingers back inside of her.
“I...need you inside me, now,” is her wisping reply to my invasion.
“Seems Iike I am already inside…”
“I NEED you fucking me, now!” she stated, through clenched teeth, cutting me off.
If I was less aroused, I would tease her about not having dinner yet. But, I almost want nothing more than fulfilling her request. We are both too worked up for an encounter in the bathroom. Slipping out to the jeep would be a missed opportunity.
If I push her over the edge now, she will return the favor in one way later. If I leave her to linger on the edge throughout dinner, she will attack me a different way later. I can only have one or the other, and I wasn’t sure which I desired more, because both versions stirred my growing lust.
My fingers swim within her, while I imagine two delicious possibilities.
The candles flicker on the table, yet they cannot beat the brightness of her deep smile.
“I have never had anyone make me a candle-lit dinner before, can you believe that? Thank you so much!”
“No,” I reply honestly, “but their missed opportunity is obviously my reward. And it is my pleasure, but don’t thank me until after dinner. You might not find my cooking warranted of thanks.”
She blushes and smiles. I love her smile. It is a happy, honest thing. It compliments her eyes and the shape of her face. I love every moment with her. Every date she manages to weave into my soul a bit more. She makes my heart race, no matter how much I try to reign it in. I wonder how all of her exes let her get away. I suppose I knew one reason, but it seemed so superficial. Must be hard in this day and age for a woman to wait until she is married. I admire her more for it.
I watch her take her first bite, watch the pleasure from it paint her face in new, lovely ways. Makes me want to make her meals morning, noon, and night, just to keep getting that wonderful feedback.
“This is absolutely delicious!” she said.
All I could think was how the meal paled to how wonderful she seemed to be. In the moment, I am tongue-tied, so all I can return her is a grateful smile. It is not enough. She deserves so much more.
“Ohhhh…” she gasps as I circle the ice around her stiff nipple. I look at her blindfolded face and I am torn. I hate not being able to gaze into her eyes as I tease her flesh. I love how she responses to those teases with one of her senses removed.
I yearn to pop either nipple into my mouth. Part hunger, part curiosity if she has reached a point of going over her initial edge from just that act alone.
Her back arches quickly as I blow warm breath on her free, recently iced nipple. So close. So damn hungry. I haven’t even made it any lower than her navel yet. I watch her heavy breathing. I listen to her happy whimpers. I lust for all of her, as I feel her lusts radiate back toward me. Invisible threads hooking in me and slowly weakening any resolve of resistance I have.
I circle her navel once more with the ice.
I trace the ice downward.
She blindly reaches for me, her hand finding my arousal. I groan at her touch. Try to maintain a level of control.
The ice is almost completely melted as it slips further down, her legs part.
Before my cool fingers reach her, she pulls forward and slips me in her mouth. I gasp and as my fingers find she has already gone over her edge. He mouth consumes me with a hunger that translates her illicit desire to me. I look at her blindfolded face and I am torn. It is a small feeling compared to how she draws my lust to the surface of my being.
“Ohhhh…” she gasps as she tastes the strawberry I hold to her mouth. I smile looking at her blindfolded face while I watch the juice from the berry dribble down her chin. It is both innocent, childlike, and sexy.
“You spoil me so. I cannot wait for what is next,” she says after gobbling up the rest of the berry. I cannot help but laugh at her simple joy.
“All sorts of delicious things,” I reply, as I struggle with which thing would be the next perfect surprise. I hand her the champagne to sip while I ponder my next choice.
I am eager for the moment that I can drop the blindfold and watch her take in the breathtaking landscape around me. I cannot wait to soak in her joy and tattoo the moment to my heart.
I press a piece of smoked gouda to her lips and she takes a bite. So trusting. She gasps, “Wow. That is really good, what is it?”
I smile and kiss her neck lightly, she gasps harder. “A smoked gouda that I found, somewhere along the way.”
She laughs. She loves how I just find things ‘along the way’. I have a number of other things I want her to taste, blinded, but I just cannot wait. I quickly undo the blindfold so it drops off of her eyes. I melt on the inside as I watch her become breathless at the scene all around us. I kiss her cheek softly, catching the single joyful tear in my lips adding the taste of her to the memory that I am burning of this moment.
She rides me with a desperation that she has never displayed. It turns me on and worries me all at once. It feels like a first time or a last time. I hold her hips as she rides, watching how erotic and gorgeous she is bouncing up and down on me.
She rides with an intensity to send me over the edge first. I resist as long as possible, I have never needed to prolong a moment with her as much as this one.
She begs me, she commands me, she curses to me to fuck her. I have been, but I slowly slip into rhythm with her. I fought against matching that rhythm, wanting to lengthen the moment as long as possible. But she is a woman you can resist for only so long.
I impale her, she engulfs me, over and over. She arches. I grunt deeper inside.
Impales, engulfs, impales, engulf. Moans, screams, curses, whimpers. There is nothing but us. We are everything.
She releases, then I do. Or I do and then she. It is impossible to tell. It doesn’t matter.
“I love you, so, much,” she cries. My throat catches.
She always gave her body so freely, but always guarded her heart. My heart pounds. I pull her down and kiss her tears away. “I love you too.” I do not know if she trembles so because of lustful bliss or utter fear.
We sit curled under the blanket next to the fireplace, as I stroke her hair, not knowing what else to do. I just let her cry in my arms. This was not how I planned this night to go. I attempted to make another magical moment for her. Another night to feed her sweet heart with. Instead I am left stroking her hair, knowing there are no words to express after the call she just received from her mother.
The cruelty of life slips on you even in the best of times.
“I am so sorry.”
“Shhh...you have nothing to be sorry about,” I whisper.
“I know tonight was suppose to be special.”
“Time with you is what is special. Up until now the times have been sweet…”
“I love you so much! I cannot imagine life without you. I was looking forward to my dad meeting you. He would have loved you.”
My throat catches, and I cannot find the words. It is the first time she said those words to me. My heart pounds hearing them, even as it breaks seeing her broken.
I love her too, but the words catch. It seems wrong to say them with what she is going through in the moment, just learning she lost her father. It seems wrong not to say them. I take a leap of faith. “I love you too.”
Day 63: I find myself at an impossible dilemma. About seventy days ago, I took up my friend Lisa’s challenge for me and tried to date more than one person at a time. She assured me that I would find it easier to do and have a better chance meeting who I am meant to be with that way.
Ali and I had instant physical chemistry. She was a ‘bad’ girl that tried to be ‘good’ with me and failed, miserably. I drunk her lust in like a man dying of thirst and it unlocked my own lusts in ways I would have never imagined. Ali is addicting, but she was so closed off emotionally. Her lust was almost a defense mechanism. Until her heart broke open on my lap, almost daring me to hurt her. Instead, she entangled me more. As the days go by our lusts grow with our budding love. It would be the sweetest thing, if she was the only one in my life.
Amy on the other hand, I had chemistry in a different way. We snapped together emotionally. We were practically finishing each other’s sentences on the first date. She was way too easy to fall in love with. I could wait until the end of time to be lucky enough to finally have the chance to make love with her.
I assumed one or the other would have found a reason to end things with me. I know I will have to make a decision fairly soon, but I am finding it impossible to do so. I hate that I went down this road. I despair when I finally take one fork in it over the other. I despair even more the possibility of losing both of them. There is no chance of being ‘just friends’ with one. There is no chance of a calm parting with either.
This dating experiment wasn’t suppose to go this way. I am having a hard time imagining life without Ali in it. Just as hard to imagine life without Amy. My friend Lisa just watches me in my agony, and points out that it is proof of just how special a guy I am. She has always tried to convince me of that.
I cannot help but feel anything but that. For sometime soon, I am going to have to hurt someone I would have never wanted to hurt.
Hence, my impossible dilemma.