Restless, troubled, peeved and worried

scattered in my thoughts and dreams

Walk in

no sleep

drained, mopey, down

then I see you walking around

clipboard in hand

ready to note my mistakes

judge

Fuming, repulsed, nervous, frustrated

In and out with such haste

notepad full

observation done

quiet, calm

until another one.

I sit in fear.

I hide in fear.

I live in fear.

Fear of everything.

Fear of nothing.

Fear surrounds me.

Fear inside me.

Fear of all that I am and became.

Fear of me and fear of you.

Fear consumes and drains

I'm so tired.

Why am I here?

So sad, scared, and full of fear.

I can't escape the thoughts in my head.

Fear of failure,

afraid to start, afraid to stop,

Afraid to show myself in art.

Looking to show more of my heart.

Can't shake it.

It's always there.

Creeping, lurking, behind every corner of my mind.

I can't escape the fear inside.

Seriously, what changed?

Was it something I said or did?

Did I offend? Forget to mend?

Stupid.

Dumb.

Numb.

I wish I was a little less selfish.

Selfish? Maybe it was YOU.

Why am I so hard on myself, when YOU played a role too!

Why are you so unaware of my sad and tired stare?

My gaze is blank.

Our friendship tanked.

Was it me or was it you?

I'm owning up to my part. When are you going to start?

Pause.

Silence.

Reflection.

Grace.

Breathe as I am dressing.

Grab the drumsticks, the gig begins.

Breathe deep, play hard.

Earn the gravy, the dough.

Come home, rest. Then eat some pie.

Grace.

Liberating and lonely.

Freed and trapped.

Isolated and surrounded.

Brave and afraid.

Mindful and mindless.

Spontaneous and planned.

Lost and found.

Sometimes a little alone time, goes a long way.

All day long, nonstop.

No breaks.

Always on the move.

What a chaotic morning! My class and I just walk in.

Finally get settled, and the three bosses show up with grins.

Walking around, notepad, tablets out.

Searching for something to doubt.

"What is the purpose? What will they do with these?"

" Well, they are 5 making puppets you see. They are having fun and building their comprehension"

Someone is not satistified with the tension.

" But why doesn't each group have a copy of the book?"

I take a deep breath, and politley said, " Look,

I just don't have enough you see. "

I wish the day would just end right then and there.

"GET OUT!" I said in my head. "LEAVE and let us be! We are having fun with our project, GEE!!"

Oh no, the day was far from over. You wanted to meet me and my team later that day.

What time is good, was never asked. Our lunch was taken away to complete this task.

Hungry. Stomach grumbling. My team approaches your office door.

"Five minutes more," you asked as food crumbles on your floor.

Walk back, heads down. Can't say a thing.

Ten miuntes later, maybe it was twelve, you walk into the room with a ding.

Six ladies waiting with lumps in our chests.

You ask about this and that, glad you are enjoying this little chat.

"More rubrics, checklists, DATA. Yes!" you say.

No. Just go away.

Just leave us to teach. We do great work.

Our kids are all smiles throughout the day.

Please, let this pressure go away.

Give us more resources, more guidance, okay?

Our students are not numbers, but humans beings.

We all have feelings.

You walk out the door.

We all take a breath.

Back to work.

See you the next time you visit.

Metal swooshing, swirling round,

nothing will ever touch the ground.

Floating slow, soaring fast,

how long will this madness last?

Will everyone please stop being so rash

and clean up this cosmic trash.