I am looking forward to certainty; never again doubting, worrying, and wavering between unbelief and faith.
I cried myself asleep. Then I cried myself awake. I had a liquid lunch of warm salty tears. All I wanted was you. As the sunset and the darkness covered my room, I felt bitterness sinking into my chest. I yelled at you and then I cried some more.
Life is a cycle of death and resurrection;
Things die so other things can live.
Friend or Foe
I'm worried about making new friendships in my thirties. My best friend and I have been friends since we were thirteen. My right hand gal pal that I met in college has been my friend for sixteen years now. My recent friendships don't feel sturdy. I met a new friend five years ago and my ex didn't like her. I thought she was sweet and a bit sad. I felt bad for her. Turns out he may have been right about a few things. I don't think I know how to do this anymore or maybe I just don't want to do this anymore (sidenote this is also my issue with dating in my thirties.) It was easy when all we had to do was like each other's clothes or the same boys. Now I can't just let strangers into my life. I need to know their intentions. I need to know why they want to be my friend. Is this friendship purposeful? Is this friendship healthy and godly? Will I have to block you? I'm annoyed and it makes me want to shutdown. It's my default defense mechanism. The Bible says if you want friends then be friendly. Maybe the entire problem here is me
Last March I went on my first date in four years. Instead of him sitting across from me, he put our chairs together, put his arm around me, and rested his hand on my leg. I told him affection and PDA give me anxiety. That was our only date.
It has been five years since I disappeared. I could not remember how to show up for myself. I do not want to live as a vacant soul. I want to re-emerge.
I am my father’s estranged daughter and my mother’s favorite, albeit broken little glass animal.
I was seated in the balcony, a million miles from the stage and you were a tower, even from there, but here we are together.
Months of silence, then he invited me to his show. He showed up with her.
He gasped desperately.
We all held our breath in familiar horror.