Post-it note scribbler...
My writing typically begins on post-it notes, random papers, or in the notes section of my phone. I am here because I have a lot of thoughts but am not one to vocalize them.
Fictional writing provides that escape, comfort, and control. I live through my characters. Feeling their connections, their failures, and triumphs. It helps me process what is happening in the real world.
Being here helps prioritize this need and to centralize my thoughts. Pleasure to be with of the follow writer and scribblers.
Security and Freedom
Attempts and setbacks. Childhood is rough, in the sense that we have to learn that learn isn't always about being right or getting what we want. Honestly, most of us adults struggle with control or lack of it to this day. Life ticks forward. What is guaranteed tomorrow is a new day. A new opportunity. One job, one relationship may be but a season. Heartbreak, grief, longing shall all come in full force then to manageable, livable. Our character comes from in our reactions and our learning from our trials. We seek a balance of freedom and security. We want the fun job but maybe not the salary, so we play it safe. We need the good health insurance so we settle. Or opposite, we run to danger simply for the fear and avoidance of responsibility. It's human to want, to need both. It is a struggle in tandem with the season.
For me, I seek the thrill of feeling alive. Vacations, skydiving, and weekends trail running. At the same time, I stay in a job that is only somewhat meaningful because it keeps me at a lifestyle I am used to. Relationally, I chose a partner who I could see a future with but a million and one things could affect what that future may be.
To me, the answer is try to practice gratitude for what I do have and the chances I have been given. Seasons of life, seasons of change and growth.
To Yell or Build a Wall?
Don't your realize you could end up ten feet under? You choose the bottle over yourself and everyone you love. For a man who says, "family is everything," seems like that is not true anymore. I try to reason with you. To help you see. I go from anger, to playing the victim, to worry over you.
Yes, your actions affect me but truly you are hurting yourself. I mourn from the thought losing you one day.
I pray to whatever higher power that you will see reason. I pray because this out of my control. My hope is you will see and that you will not harm anyone in the process.
It's truly such a shame that I have had to put up boundaries; when we were once united as one.