i thought constellations can be found in the skies until the very first time i looked into your eyes
your eyes are formed like constellations
whenever i look at them all i see are stars
they spark even brighter than the Southern Cross
the closest thing to "home" aside from earth and mars
You on my mind
I'm confused as to why all of my thoughts look like you.
I should have
I should have kept communicating with them regardless of the situation.
I should have seen that they were the ones who were really worthy of my attention.
I should have found the guts to leave the toxicity in my life when they were still waiting for me to do so.
I should have listened to my heart when they were still here.
I should have hugged them twice as tight as they did.
If only I knew that would be the last time I'd be able to do it.
i have a book
it's a short story called "It's South" and it's published under my account.
iv - end
IT'S SOUTH - IV (END)
Note: This letter was written later after the concert.
I seriously have no idea on how to write this letter, because I've never written one in my entire life. Rocky said I should just write everything I feel, so that's what I'm going to do.
I feel hurt.
It's very painful, Stan. The feeling after taking a lot of drugs, the thick plastic tubes connecting my flesh to these huge machines. It hurts a lot.
I also feel hot.
I didn't know why since it's already December, so I should be feeling cold instead. But it's so hot, I'm literally sweating right now. I feel so hot that my little sister had to turn the air conditioning units on and wipe the continuous drops of sweat on my forehead.
By the way, Rocky and I had to book an urgent flight back to Illinois, because I seriously feel like I'm going to pass out any second and never be able to open my eyes again. So we are currently here at home. I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you about this sudden vacation. This is why I decided to write you a letter.
Mom is here, holding my hand while crying her heart out. Rocky's right beside me, guiding me as I write this letter for you. Dad is currently outside, trying to dial everyone he knows just to get a doctor for me, since we couldn't get to the hospital because the snow isn't showing any sign of stopping.
I feel scared too, Stan.
I'm scared that dad wouldn't be able to find someone to help me. I'm scared that I might not even finish this letter at all. I already told Rocky to make sure you get this, because I might not be the one to give it to you, which scares me the most.
I'm scared that I might never see you again.
Or hug you like I did just a few hours ago.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my condition like Alyssa told me to. I didn't want you to worry. But I've been spending the past few days debating if I should do it or not. I know you believe me, and I'm already thankful for that.
I didn't really expect to ever be writing this letter for someone. I thought I was gonna grow old all by myself, since I don't ever get a chance to go to parties or clubs in hopes of meeting the love of my life there. Fortunately, I found him just at the apartment next to mine.
From the day I found your lost camera bag at the bus stop, I already knew it belonged to someone special. I mean, out of all the people walking by that bus stop, I was the one who found it. So that has to mean something. I didn't want you to think of me as the type of person who believes in shit like destiny and love at first sight and all that, but I'm assuming this letter exposes the truth for me, isn't it?
I also feel happy.
I'm happy that I got to meet you outside your apartment because you were desperately searching for the old camera that I happen to pick up at the bus stop that night. Still think it's a coincidence? 'Cause I know it's not.
I'm happy that I got to look at those alluring hazelnut orbs that you have the moment you turned around when I said my first "Hi." Oh, how I love drowning in those pools of chocolate brown. I couldn't even remember how many times I already got lost on those captivating gems. I just knew I'm never gonna get tired of looking at them and admiring the absolute magic they possess.
I know this might sound horrible, but I'm also happy that you and Alexa broke up because if not, then I wouldn't get to meet you at all. I know how amazing your previous relationship with her was, and I'm not ever gonna try to compete with that. I didn't even know why I wanted to finish watching every video the two of you have on that old camera of yours considering that I was so inlove with you. I know I should be jealous because that's what a normal person would feel after seeing the love of her life flirt and laugh with another girl, right?
I don't know. Maybe I just really liked seeing you happy even though it wasn't because of me.
I'm so happy that I had the urge to watch every video in your camera because if I didn't, then I wouldn't be able to find out about your insane obssession with the songs of the 1975 (which plays on the background of literally every single video in that thing.) God, you have no idea how much that made me happy, because I'm obssessed with them too! Maybe it was just really meant to be.
Anyway, I don't have any idea on how to end a letter, because like I said, I've never written one before. So I'm just going to say this to you once again.
I love you.
Please don't be sad if ever I'm not the one to give you this letter. Like I told you, I like seeing you happy. It makes me feel the same way.
I know it's impossible not to cry if ever I'm not the one to give this to you, so I'm gonna let it pass the first time. I don't want to see you from heaven crying over and over because seriously, I'm gonna go down there and haunt you for the rest of your life. I already texted Dennise and asked her to summon me from the dead if you ever try to do something I wouldn't like. That bitch knows some serious voodoo, so you better make sure that I see you from up there living your life and being as happy as you can be.
And when you miss me, just remember this.
You're Stanley South.
You're the love of my life.
It means that everyone else is just a waste of my time.
I love you so much to all the galaxies and back, and I always fucking will.
Don't ever forget me.
The brown haired boy turned around and saw an old man in a casual clothing standing in front of him. He was confused about whoever that guy was, but nevertheless, he answered politely.
"Yes? Can I help you with something?"
"I'm the man who takes polaroid pictures from the recent concert. I realized I didn't had the chance to give the actual photo to you. So, here it is." The man said, reaching towards the direction of the brown haired boy.
"Oh, yeah. I do remember you." He said as he took the polaroid picture from the old man.
The brown haired boy stared at the tiny piece of photo in his hand. It was a photo of him and Chloe at the concert of the 1975. He smiled to himself, reminicing the wonderful memory that he's never planning to ever forget.
He didn't even know how to feel when Rocky gave him the letter. He remembered crying his eyes out that night, feeling destroyed, incomplete, and lost. It just hurts everywhere, he almost even felt numb because of the pain.
Thinking about the possibility that the reason for the death of the girl he loved is because of the most unforgettable night they had at that concert just clenches his heart and tears it into tiny little pieces. He regrets not being able to hug the green eyed girl tighter and longer that night and to kiss the fuck out of those luscious pink lips. But the thing that he regrets the most is not being able to say 'I love you' back.
And remind Chloe, the love of his life, that he always will, too.
He didn't realize that he was already starting to get lost in his thoughts while staring at the picture, if the man didn't clear his throat to get his attention back.
"I'm sorry, what?" The brown haired boy asked after blinking his thoughts away.
The man smiled, gesturing with a black marker that he got from his camera bag. "Do you want me to write on it for you?"
He didn't hesitate to smile black and politely nodded, handing the small picture back to the old man.
"Is there a specific caption, sir?" The man asked as he wore his glasses.
The brown haired boy had to stop of a moment to think of an amazing caption. Something memorable. Something magical.
Just as magical as Chloe.
However, he realized that he wasn't really good at putting words together, so he decided that their names would do. "Uhm, just write 'Chloe and South'."
The man nodded, starting to paint the letters down on the picture beautifully using the black ink. South watched as he did. However, when the old man was about to write the second name mentioned, he stopped him at the very last minute.
"Wait, no." The brown haired boy said, causing the old man to look up at him questioningly. "Actually," He said, looking at the beautiful green eyed girl in photo, whose hands were wrapped around his neck while pouting in an attempt to do a cute pose, and then back to the old man.
IT'S SOUTH - III
"Chloe, what the fuck are you doing?"
The green eyed girl sighed, walking further away from the stage so that she can clearly hear the person she is talking to on the other line. "I'm hanging out with Stan."
"Go the fuck home right now. You know you're not allowed to go to places where there are too much people."
"Dad, I'm fine. I don't even feel anything wrong with me at all."
"Chloe, I told you to go home right now. It's not safe for you to be out there partying with some stranger-"
"Stanley's not a stranger."
"You've only known him for a week."
"Our relationship isn't defined by how long we've known each other, dad." Chloe couldn't help but raise her voice. She didn't mean to sound disrespectful, but she couldn't help but get mad at her father for putting the blame to her friend about something he didn't even do,
"I'm just looking out for you, princess. It's not safe for you to be going out on concerts or parties or any other crowded places. It's going to worsen your condition-"
"Dad, I said I'm fine." The green eyed girl cut her off, dropping the call, putting her phone on silent and pushing it back inside her pocket.
She knew that her father just wants to make sure she's okay, but she does not want to spend the rest of her life hiding inside her (or South's) apartment just because of her condition.
Chloe is diagnosed with Hypertonic Cardiomyopathy.
Since she was a kid, she wasn't allowed to go to crowded places as it may cause her to get too tired, resulting to a struggle of breathing normally. She was homeschooled just so that she wouldn't have to go through the struggles of eating lunch in a crowded cafeteria or walk through the crowded hallways of her school to be able to get to her classes.
Ever since her family found out about her condition, they have always been extra protective of her. It was very hard for her dad to let her live in an apartment in New York all by herself, but he knew that he had no choice because things like this are just really meant to happen sooner or later. Chloe couldn't live under his roof for the rest of her life.
She's never had many friends, aside from her cousin Rocky. She's literally the only person Chloe has ever played with when they were kids because her dad was too scared that going out on a playground or at the park is going to cause her too much physical activity.
She also knew a girl called Dennise, whom she met online. She didn't know why but the moment they chatted, it just clicked, and the green eyed girl was very thankful for that. She's met Dennise's girlfriend as well, Alyssa, whom she can safely call her friend too. They often visit her in her apartment during their free time. In fact, the day she escorted the two to the bus stop was also the day she found a black camera bag lying on the cemented ground, seemingly dropped by someone.
The day she met Stanley South.
The day she knew that he was the love of her life.
The day she realized that she has to live her life to the fullest, especially now that she's found him, her other half.
"Chloe, everything okay?"
Chloe was pulled out of her thoughts when she heared a familiar voice from behind. She turned around only to be met with her favorite hazelnut orbs staring right through her soul.
She decided to shake her thoughts off and give him the sweetest smile. "Ofcourse. Come on, let's get back inside."
South's hand was grabbed by the green eyed girl as they went back inside the venue of the live concert of The 1975. He didn't know how Chloe found out about his obssession with the band. The girl just stormed inside his apartment that night, asking him to get dressed because they were going to a concert. He smiled to himself when he remembered the visible frustration on Chloe's face when he was taking too long to convince.
"God, Stan. Can you just do it? And hurry up, will you? We're running out of time, it's about to start in a few minutes!"
South chuckled as he made his way towards his room to change. "I'm honestly loving your surprises, Chloe. Maybe you should hide things from me more often."
Little did he know, the green eyed girl's already hiding a huge secret from him.
Only this time, he would never like the surprise.
Lying about her condition didn't make things easier for Chloe either. The first time she entered the brown haired boy's apartment without consent was because she just desperately needed someone to talk to.
"Chloe, why did you come here?"
The green eyed girl tried her best to ignore the question and just continue watching one of the videos on South's old camera. She was doing a pretty good job ignoring him until the camera was snatched out of her grip by her new neighbor. "Hey, come on I wanna watch!"
"What is it that you need?"
'You.' Chloe mentally slapped herself for almost saying that. "I just wanted to hang out."
'The truth is, I need someone to talk to because I'm having one of those nights where I feel so bad for myself for having this kind of life and being stuck in a situation that I literally can't do anything about.'
Chloe's attention immediately turned to her brown haired neighbor, who took a quick shot of her with his camera the moment she turned around to face him.
She knew she was blushing. Fortunately, it was pretty dark in there for South to notice.
"What was that for?" She shyly asked the latter who is now looking at the beautiful photo of the girl he loves that he just took.
Yes, he loves Chloe.
He didn't know how. All he knew was that one day, his annoying green eyed neighbor would storm inside his apartment without any warning to force him to hang out with her, and then the next day, he loves her.
He loves her.
I love you. South thought to himself as he admired the photo of the wonderful person he's looking at on his old camera.
He looked up at Chloe, who's already looking at him expectantly for answers, and smiled before responding.
"You asked me that night if I could take your photo with my camera, right?"
Chloe didn't know how to respond to that. She didn't even know how to feel at that very second. She wanted to cry because of the incredible joy her heart feels at that moment, but at the same time, she wanted to cry out of guilt.
She knew that the brown haired boy deserves to know about her condition because she never know if she might just leave him all by himself one day. She didn't want to surprise her Stan with something that's far different from the random The 1975 concert tickets. She wants to just tell him because she knows that's what she must do if she really do love him.
And she really do.
I love you.
She didn't hesitate to wrap both of her arms around South's neck and pull him in for a tight embrace. She burried her face deep into his neck, trying to hold in a huge wave of tears. However, she failed, because the moment she whispered three words in the brown haired boy's ear, tears just started to endelssly flow down her face.
"I love you."
IT'S SOUTH - II
South turned the shower off before stepping out of the bathroom. With only a white, fluffy towel wrapped around his naked body, he opened the lights of his bedroom, only to reveal a distracted green eyed girl sitting on his bed, causing him to jump in surprise.
"What the fuck? Have you ever heared of knocking?" He asked sarcastically while holding tightly onto his towel with one hand.
Chloe looked up from the gadget that she's holding in her hands and rolled her eyes at her brown haired neighbor. "I did. But you weren't answering, so I stole the spare key under your doormat." She said before turning her attention back to the what she was holding. "You should really start looking for an unusual place to put that, you might get robbed if it stays hidden under that old rug."
South turned around to grab some clothes from his cabinet, not noticing what the green eyed girl was holding in her hands. He entered the bathroom once again to change into a fresh pair of pj's before going back to where his neighbor is.
The brown haired boy smirked to himself when he saw that Chloe didn't even moved a muscle and just stayed in her position the entire time, but his eyes slowly widened when he realized that his neighbor was looking at the content of his old camera.
"What are doing? Give me that!" He said as he snatched the gadget quickly from the green eyed girl's grip.
"Heeeeeyyyyy! I wasn't done watching!" Chloe whined and pouted, looking at South with slight irritation.
The latter just rolled his eyes before shutting the camera off and placing it back inside its old bag. "You shouldn't go through people's belongings without permission, you know?"
Chloe scoffed, standing up from the bed and walking towards the newly moved boy. "You were so much nicer to that girl in the video. Alexa?" She stopped right behind the twenty-one-year-old boy, making sure to leave only a few inches between their bodies. "Is she, like, your girlfriend?"
South turned around only to be met with the green eyed girl's face that is only a few inches away from his. He tried to ignore the weird feeling that is currently building inside his stomach as he gets lost in the various shades of green in his neighbor's stunning eyes. He wanted to slap himself for getting distracted on the beauty possessed by Chloe's emerald orbs once again, but how can he blame himself for that? Anyone who sees these gems THIS close would, too.
Releasing out a forced cough, South looked away and replied, "Why do you care?" He walked away from his annoying neighbor and sat at the edge of his bed where the latter was once sitting a few seconds ago. "Are you, like, jealous?" He asked, copying the green eyed girl's tone.
Chloe just rolled her eyes at her neighbor once more. "See? That attitude's far diffrent from the one you had in the video."
"Just shut up."
"You shut up."
South covered his face with both hands in frustration. God, could she be more annoying? He let out a deep sigh, trying his best to stay calm because despite of being a serious pain in the ass, she knew that Chloe didn't deserve to be yelled at.
"Chloe, why did you come here?" He asked as he removed his hands from his face. He looked at the green eyed girl and saw her holding the camera once again. Without saying anything else, the brown haired boy stood up and walked towards his neighbor. He stopped right infront of the distracted green eyed girl and grabbed the camera from her hands.
"Hey, come on I wanna watch!" Chloe tried to reach out once again but South raised the small gadget up so the green eyed girl wouldn't be able to reach it.
"What is it that you need?" South questioned again, still raising the camera up in the air and looking straight at his annoying neighbor's eyes.
When she realized that there is no way the brown haired boy was letting her borrow his camera, Chloe eventually gave up. She crossed her arms and sighed. "I just wanted to hang out."
"Well, I can't."
"Because I'm going to bed."
"Can I come in bed with you?"
South's eyes widened at the raven haired girl's question. He knew that it wasn't serious, but what he didn't understand is why his heart started racing as if it's going to leap out of his chest.
He opened her mouth to try and respond normally, but he couldn't help but stutter as he did. "S-shut up and leave."
"Fine." Chloe said as she headed towards the door of the brown haired boy's apartment. She barely reached the exit when she turned around once again to face South, who's following her behind.
"Can you take a photo of me in there?"
South sighed, the coldness in his eyes still not going away as he stared at the pouting green eyed girl.
"I said no."
"Alright, alright. I'm going." The green eyed girl rolled her eyes before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss on her brown haired neighbor's cheek, who was clearly caught off guard at the sudden gesture.
Chloe smirked to herself when she saw the effect of the kiss on her newly moved neighbor. "Goodnight, Stanley." She said teasingly, bringing the latter back to reality.
The brown haired boy sighed, trying his best not to carry the green eyed girl and throw her out of his apartment himself. "I already told you, it's South."
"Okay, Stan." Chloe smiled at him teasingly and winked before walking out of the apartment.
IT'S SOUTH - I
The brown haired boy just rolled his eyes at his annoying green eyed neighbor. He turned around and entered his apartment immediately without even greeting the green eyed girl back.
Well, she deserved it for continuously calling him that when he already told her not to.
Throwing the last piece of garment on the ground that's left in his luggage, the brown haired boy couldn't help but curse under his breath. He didn't know where he put the old video camera that he's been using a long time ago to record various videos of him and her ex girlfriend, Alexa, when they were still together.
Sighing in defeat, he started to just put the clothes back inside his luggage, deciding to just look for the missing camera later on after he finished unpacking.
He knew that it shouldn't bother him anymore because it will be a lot easier for him to move on without that stupid camera, but he's still having a hard time from completely letting go of the only memory left of the girl he used to love and start a new chapter all by himself.
But hey, leaving their hometown and migrating to New York is already good enough as his first step, right?
He was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts when he heared a very enthusiastic voice from behind. The brown haired boy turned around and there he was met with a raven haired girl that has the most beautiful emerald eyes he's ever seen in his entire twenty-one years of existence. It wasn't difficult for the newly moved boy to get lost in that pool of green, that's why he had to blink twice for the girl infront of him not to notice the inappropriate staring.
"Oh..." The unnamed green eyed goddess whispered when the brown haired boy didn't respond. She started to create different gestures using her hand which caused the latter to raise an eyebrow in confusion.
"Uh, what are you doing?" He slowly asked, causing the green eyed girl to stop what she was doing and letting out a small child-like giggle which is, by the way, the most beautiful sound he's ever heared (so far).
"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry, I literally thought you were deaf because you were not responding to me a while ago." The green eyed girl continued to laugh at her mistake, but she slowly stopped when her newly moved neighbor just glared at her.
She pouted, furrowing her eyebrows as she stared back at her pissed off neighbor. "Oh, come on, Stanley. Don't be mad. I already said sorry."
The mention of his name caused the boy's hazelnut eyes to widen in surprise. How the hell does this girl know his name?
"Wha- How did you know my name?" Surprise was definitely evident in the twenty-one-year-old's voice, causing his green eyed neighbor to let out a giggle once more.
"You have a cute voice when you're caught off guard." She teased, causing the boy called 'Stanley' to bring his cold and blank facial expression back out of sudden consciousness.
Realizing that her new neighbor is in a sour mood at the moment, the girl pulled her hand that was once hiding behind her back and showed it to the boy, revealing a small, black camera sling bag hanging on her palm.
"This is yours, right?" The green eyed girl asked right before the brown haired boy grabbed the bag from her hand in a quick motion. "There was an ID inside, that's why I found out what your name is."
"So you just run around opening lost bags you find in the streets without any consent from the owner?" The brown haired boy said in a cold tone. He meant no offense, but he was relieved when he noticed that the green eyed girl is taking none, and instead, is just furrowing her cute eyebrows once again.
"You're so mean to your neighbors, Stan."
"Don't call me that."
The brown haired boy sighed. When he and Alexa broke up, he hated being called by his first name 'Stanley.' He prefers to be called by his middle name 'South' because it was the way his ex used to call him everytime.
Stanley South. Doesn't it sound nice?
He shrugged the random thought off before responding to the green eyed girl infront of him, who now has a huge grin on her face.
Oh, how she enjoyed seeing the annoyed expression on her brown haired neighbor's face.
The newly moved boy narrowed his eyes at the raven haired girl before turning around to unlock his apartment door. "It's South."
South heared his annoying neighbor scoff, but he didn't bother to look back as he bent down to grab his luggages that were lying on the ground. "South's a weird name." The green eyed girl whispered, making the brown haired boy turn around to face her once again.
He sighed, still looking at his green eyed neighbor with so much coldness in his hazelnut orbs. "What do you want?"
The raven haired girl just gave him her sweetest smile as she attempted to turn around. "Nothing. Just wanna get to know my cute neighbor. I'm Chloe, by the way." She said with a teasing smile present in her face before starting to walk away from her newly moved neighbor's front steps. "See you around, Stan!"
What is love?
Love is a person.
What does it look like?
She looks like you.
What does it sound like?
She sounds like you.
What does it feel like?
She feels like you.
’Cause when I talk about love
I only talk about you.
What is love all about?