i couldn’t love you that much

its too good to be true

no way that i’ve found the one

someone i care so much about

this couldn’t of happened to me

people never want to stay

so you must be a figment of my imagination

a projection of my desires

but you’re real

i can feel you with my senses

and i love you with all five

i love the smell of you wafting past my nose

as i sort through laundry

so many pieces that belong to you

just some of the many things you share with me

i love the sound of your voice

it echoes through my ears when you’re gone

as does the call for a kiss

and i will always come running

i love the taste of your lips

so sweet and warm

i taste you as i drive away

and savor the nights memory

i love the view of your eyes

i pull away just to see them more clearly

to see two portals into such an interesting soul

full of love for me

i love the feelings of your skin on my palms

your warmth radiates through me

providing a sense of comfort

that reminds me that you’re mine and i am yours

you are good

and you are true

i want you in the mud

when your stem has fallen

petals reaching down

i want you at your best

and your worst

when the tears start

when the stem breaks

i want to be there

why would i leave

when the roots are still growing

my roots are growing too

intertwining with yours

and when your petals

reach towards the sun

i’ll be there

always will

my love

i still remember the way

i smiled in the car on the way home

the way my cheeks were so full with joy

that they lifted my glasses

my vision becoming smaller

as my eyes squinted with thrill

i didnt feel the seat under me

or the wheel in between my fingers

all i could feel was

love?

i dont remember driving

or where i was going

home?

i felt like i had found it

and kissed it goodbye

i had just held hands with home

and looked into its eyes

surely this is the place

so comfortable and with room to grow

i’ve thought i had found home

many times before

but only to find broken windows

that i wasn’t willing to fix

this home is perfect

not because its perfect

but for the warmth coming from the fireplace

the flowers swaying in the wind in the yard

this home is perfect

because it’s you

my farmhouse on acreage

my wrap around porch with a dog napping on it

as i drove home

i was ignorant

but my smile knew all that was to come

more breathtaking

than the mountains in Arizona

your colors are more vivid

than the desert sunsets

your essence gentler

than the deer that walk among the cactus and I

your presence consumes me more

than the view in Colorado

more inspiring

than the climb to the top of the mountains

your eyes are more soothing

than the crystal lakes I’ve touched

you are more pure

than the fine white sand in Florida

more complex and vast

than the outstretching ocean

you are more fascinating

than the shells I collect

of all of the stunning places I’ve seen

you are the most beautiful to me

I have risen from the ash

dusting myself off to start

scrubbing the nooks of my being

and over time

I will be clean again

Like a lotus flower

Blooming out of mud

becoming the symbol of purity

I come from the mud

desire and hate

searching for the truth

grasping at shiny things

It turns out glass can cut you

Now I crane my neck

as we drive past trees

Staring up at the clouds as I walk

I run into something

and shift back into this reality

This reality that we focus on so much

Planning, speaking, worrying

like the sky wasn’t looking down on you all this time

like the cells of those plants were’t turning the sun into fuel

as you sat in anger over what was said to you

words spoken from the lips of another earthly being

coming from a mind that has not walked your path

I spent so much time wallowing in the mud

not knowing

the clouds were there the whole time

I used to hate my nose

I thought it was too big

I will get a nose job when I’m older

I was sure of it

now I love my nose

clouds drifting and morphing in the sky

fresh vibrant green leaves displaying life

creations that come out of my hands

the possibilities

opportunities across this reality

each syllable spoken rippling across

the universe to affect others

everything seems so big now

compared to my nose

usually i flip over rocks

and find snakes

writhing around

disguising themselves in the brush

waiting til i exhale to strike

i wish they would strike before

before i think i’m safe

when i’ve found comfort

in admiring the leaves

under the rock

this time i think i might have found it

something good

tempting me with genuineness

that will really be fulfilled

maybe it’s real

I’ve had a few roses

but they all withered away

people seem to favor bouquets

but I’m waiting for ones with roots

ones that will hold true

i don’t like to witness the flowers

slowly let go of their strength

fading into the color of dried blood

like a wound that should of been cleaned

but was left to scab

i want to water and care for them

see the flora grow and evolve over time

give them the opportunity

to become something

even more beautiful

trimmed roses look nice at first glance

but have you ever seen a garden?

if you trace the ink in her skin

and go beyond the bruises on her knuckles

you can see what’s inside

you must travel over

the bones that protrude at her shoulders

and look past

the scars on her arm

what have you revealed?

is it what you hoped for?

is the truth any different than what you already saw?

you will come to find the scars go deeper

laced into every fiber of her spirit

the spiders of her life

spinning webs around in her DNA

this is where she cries out in agony

the pain too much to hold on to

so she screams it

and bleeds it out

this is where she stops herself in conversation

saves it for herself

or discards it completely

for it would not be received

or worse

it might become real

every dark place has it’s beauty

the nooks you have to know about to find them

here is a smile

when she watches the birds soar overhead

the firm grip of a paintbrush in her hand

as she creates her own reality

did you find what you were looking for?

an ounce of purity?

a dark secret?

or even yourself?

my skin was battered and bruised

I kept it on as long as I could

scared to reveal what was underneath

for fear of finding something worse

one day I was struck

my skin tore

I picked at the wound

pulled back the edges

what i saw was not only beautiful

but terrifying

I stitched myself up

an attempt to keep my outside together

after poking and prodding

mending and repairing

it all fell apart

I had shed my skin

and stored it away to look back on

today I disposed of it

for I no longer need it