I wonder why my stomach growls,

Yet when I eat I get sick.

Only to realize it's been 24 hours since I've ate.

Shaking hands and a racing mind.

I wish I could be normal,

Just one time.

One day.

Let me eat a meal without the pain.

Without the conviction from my mind.

Telling me this is why I'm fat,

The only way to fix it is to stop eating.

But one can only go so long without food.

Why do I hate myself for being human?

A new light,

A new day,

A new face,

A new fight.

I was born to win this race.

A new name,

Less tame,

I'm not the same.

I'm not the broken girl I used to be.

I'm stronger and now I see,

How valuable I really am,

I don't care when people decide they want to flee.

A new light,

A new day,

A new face,

A new fight.

I was born to win this race.

I'm done being pushed around.

I'm done crying and not making a sound.

I'm done feeling the pieces of my heart,

Fall to the ground,

Till eventually it'll no longer pound.

It's me, myself and I.

That's the one thing I've been told that's not a lie.

I've got me,

It took me long enough to see.

I don't need everybody else,

Because this is MY life story.

TRASH.

BITCH.

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

YOU RUINED ME.

MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WASN'T MYSELF.

TRASH.

BITCH.

THIS IS WHAT YOU MADE ME.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I told you this would happen.

Nobody stays.

I didn't realize I made you feel this way.

I was just being me,

I forgot to hide my personality.

It was my mistake.

I'm sorry.

STOP BLAMING ME.

ACTING LIKE IT'S MY FAULT,

WHEN YOU KNOW IT'S YOURS.

All my life,

I've begged to be loved.

On my knees,

Crying out for someone to love me.

Nobody ever cared.

They looked right past me and walked out the door.

I'm tired of begging to be loved.

I'll beg no more.

If you want to leave,

That's fine by me.

Just make sure you close the door on your way out.

Don't ask to come back so we can have a repeat of this situation.

Because I'm done begging to be loved.

I'm done trying to fix imaginary mistakes.

The sleepless nights,

Wondering where I went wrong this time.

The mascara stains on my pillows from the tears,

As I lay in bed,

My heart broken into a million pieces,

Thinking I'd be better off dead.

All I do is drive people away,

When all I want is for them to stay.

But they leave,

Because all I do is make mistakes.

All I do is disappoint them all.

I'm tired of begging to be loved.

I'll beg no more,

I've had enough.

A face from the past,

Brought me back to the day I seen you last.

Couldn't help but cry,

I remember the curve,

I remember coming to,

Seeing the tree against the car,

I remember the feeling of the airbag smacking into the side of my head.

I remember hearing the ringing.

Feeling sick,

I couldn't believe it.

A face from the past,

That made me laugh,

Up until the last second,

When my demons looked at me and beckoned.

You were gone,

Wanted nothing to do with me.

So seeing you was a shock to my system.

A malfunction it caused.

A plethora of memories,

A time long gone.

You were all I had,

And you left.

Followed everyone else right out the door.

Now you look at me with disgust,

As if I'm the one that was in the wrong.

All I wanted was to be happy.

I deserve to be happy.

But you took my happiness away,

Put it inna dark place,

All I wanted was for you to stay.

Imagine screwing up,

Again and again.

Can't do anything right,

Might as well stop trying.

To see everyone mad and disappointed,

Has me crying.

Wishing I could leave,

Be by myself,

Where I belong.

Nowhere to be seen.

So I can't screw up,

Make everyone mad at me.

Sorry that I'm broken,

Sorry I'm not what you wanted me to be,

But I warned you when I met you how I am.

You didn't listen and now here we are.

A standstill.

A cold war.

I'm sorry for being me.

The smell is what gets me,

Brings me back to that one night,

Scared and broken,

But putting up a good fight.

When all was said and done,

We parted ways,

You full of hate,

And me full of tears,

Wishing for you to come back,

So you can stay with me for the rest of my years.

But now,

As time has went by,

I wonder why I held on to you so long?

I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay with you,

The part of me that loves is long gone.

I’ve a broken heart,

Never to love.

My laugh gives way to tears,

And anger so hot it sears.

They told me to let some walls down,

To open up,

Because being so closed off has me hell-bound.

But I looked them in the eye and said,

“If everyone knew what you do,

Where would I be?”

Another hospital,

Because the names would come back to haunt me.

Because the scars on my arms would open back up,

The blood to seap from my skin.

The freedom I thought I was gaining laughing in my face,

Telling me I’ve sinned.

So then I’m locked in a cage,

Like an animal,

Like I’m crazy.

But I’m only crazy because I face reality.

Because there’s no way you could live in this world,

And not wish to disappear.

Cold,

Bleak.

Definitley not an ideal place for me.

But there I am.

At the bottom of an abyss.

Crying out,

My screams rattle my bones.

My words echo off of the sides of the walls.

A puddle of my tears,

Sloshing around my feet.

The drip,

Drip,

Drip,

As my tears roll off of my face.

This is where the real me resides,

Desperate to be free.

I'd like to see it all,

I'd like to save her.

I'd like to close off that abyss,

So that I can finally breathe.

Empty on the inside.

Cold-hearted.

The flame in me has died.

I'm just tryna survive,

I don't wanna be living this life.

They say my limit is the sky,

That everything will be alright.

But I know how they lie.

Just tryna calm me down,

So they can sleep safe and sound.

But I refuse to rest,

Until my death,

I'll fight the demons I've never known I have.

I'll make my way to the top.

I'll say goodbye to the past.

I won't apologize for my flaws.

It's time for a change.

Time to destroy what made me this way.