You idiot,

I will not do it.

I will not do it for you.

What made you think you can dictate my life?

You're mud n dust and I'm veins n bones; a mind and a heart I own.

I will not live for you.

You didn't end your pain, you just tranferred it to me, you idiot.

You absolute idiot.

"Mommy, what if they see us?” asked Razia, while hiding in a shady basement.

“As long as I’m here, nothing will ever happen to you’, assured mother with tears in her eyes because she knew it was far from the truth.

Suddenly, they heard a loud noise and saw something falling from the sky.

“Forgive me, god, for I lied to my daughter, but please save us today”, she whispered to herself.

“Do you see that mommy? What is that!!!”, asked the innocent and unaware daughter.

“One day, I will tell you all about Syria”, said the mother as she put a hand on her daughter’s eyes just before closing her own.

I can’t believe I’m doing this but truth be told… I don’t even know what I believe in, anymore. Everything I’ve held onto as a concrete ground the past so many years (ever since I found out that I had a mind of my own, that it could think of ideas and form opinions) has all crashed right in front of my eyes.

I’m not sure if it’s making sense, but I know it’s raw and meaningful in my head, well, at least the former. So well, this is me, your local burden, officially taking the first step in overcoming my guilt and insanity. I know what I’m going to say will be fucking hard to put across, and maybe a bit of a shock to take, but I know you’ll understand. Even if you don’t understand, I hope you find it in yourself to forgive me.

Anyway, the thing is… I’m not okay. I have never felt so out of place, even in what geographically is a foreign land. Nothing makes sense to me.I take up a lot of unnecessary space in this world but you have tolerated me for a good amount of time, and that is a tremendous task. I can never repay the kindness you’ve shown me and the love you’ve given me. I’ll always be grateful for that.

When you told me all about your day today, I could see how happy you were, and how you finally were getting what all you deserved, all along. And then I realised that the only thing wrong with your life right now, is me. And I know how much you want to help me, but I cannot be cruel to you. I am hindering your growth, I am your biggest threat.

And just because I’m saying all of this, doesn’t mean you weren’t the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I mean, look at you, you’re a perfect score. A century. A double century. Your smile is the best I’ve ever seen. Your laugh is my favourite sound in the world, and I know it’s gonna play in my head long after I even forget what it sounds like.

I love you as much as a human heart can, as much I think I’m capable of, you’re exceptional. You’re too good for me, and I hope you don’t have to ever settle for anything in life. I hope you find yourself an equal.

And with that being said, I also want you to know, that somethings in this universe really, really like you. And now, I know why.

Unfortunately, my time with you has passed, but thank you for everything.