"[28] You yourselves know how plainly I told you, ‘I am not the Messiah. I am only here to prepare the way for him.’

[30] He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less (John 3:28, 30 NLT)."

I love how John the Baptist didn't seek glory for himself, but wanted people to run to the glory of God instead. John had no qualms about people going to Jesus to be baptized over him (despite his namesake), and John was "filled with joy at his (Jesus') success (John 3:29)." This is an attitude I want to incorporate into my own life. Should any success I have inspire someone, I want people to know that it is all thanks to the blessings and gifts God has put in my life. I want to want Him to get the glory, and I want to want eyes to go on God and not me. This is easier said than done, as getting attention for the things I do well in is certainly addictive and makes me feel good, but I don't want this to be my prime motivation for using the talents and abilities God has empowered me with.

Lord, thank You for once again giving me something to ponder and work on due to journaling about Scripture. Please forgive me for the times I get prideful when I succeed thanks to the gifts that You have given me. Please help me to be better about pointing to You in these accomplished moments, and may people flock to You over me as a result. Please help me to desire this and work on it. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

"[11] My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. [12] For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights (Proverbs 3:11-12 NLT)."

Just like any other human would feel, being told what you're doing could be better, and/or being corrected when you've made a poor choice isn't an easy thing to accept. Yet, being able to accept that we don't have all the answers and can always do better, and that we sometimes have to get redirected from the wrong paths are both an invaluable life skills. As a Pre-K teacher, I not only need to be open to ways I can improve my teaching, but it is my calling to show my students a better way if they are making harmful choices, and I need to continue to work on delivering this information in a loving, supportive way. And through my passion and other calling of acting, it is imperative to be coachable when feedback is provided on how I can improve my performances, and I need to acknowledge that the feedback I am receiving is being given by someone that also wants the show we are performing for our guests to be the best it can be. And as a father, it is extremely important to give loving discipline to my children, and accept the discipline for myself when I fall short in the parenting department.

Lord, I confess that although I am a huge fan of growing and improving in the things I do, I can also grow and improve at not only accepting discipline and feedback, but also giving it in a loving way. As I navigate a challenging school year, I especially appreciate You reminding me the importance of giving and receiving loving discipline in my classroom and beyond. Please help me to not only continue to take this to heart, but to keep growing in not only receiving and implementing loving discipline and feedback, but giving it in loving and caring ways. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Does God get sad when I say I just can't love me?

Does God get mad when I give up my own being?

Am I not forsaken when I forsake myself?

Am I failing Him when I hurt my mental health?

God, won't You tell me someday, please?

Why can't these awful demons leave?

Filling my head with all these doubts,

Jesus, this is my final shout.

God, if not now, then in the end,

Tell me why Your Son would descend

For someone so flawed, such as me.

He saved my soul? Sounds like a dream.

Beyond my wildest, it sounds so childish.

Childish to believe, I guess I'm just naive.

I'm feeling so alone, insecure to my bones.

Getting close to Your gates, this really is my fate.

They say we were made in God's perfect image.

Does nobody else worry in this village

That we're pulled out of that image by Satan?

Or maybe it's too much, these expectations.

These basic Christians want me okay 'cause,

"If you can't love you, remember God does,"

They really all think that this is the cure,

But even with this, I stay insecure.

But even with this, my world is obscure.

'Cause, even in the back of their faith lined minds,

I can't seem to comprehend how they don't find,

God made all of us in the same perfect mold.

Makes me feel that same feeling of doubt tenfold.

Does He get sad when I cry all alone?

Or does His Expression remain like stone?

Will He carry my broken soul upstairs

When Satan kills me, as I feel Death's glare?

When this world ends me, with dagger-filled stares?

I gotta hope, and I gotta pray.

Awaiting Your heaven every day.

Yelling to the sky, infinity.

Talking to You, my holy trinity.

Can I go lower?

Can anyone find me

in this bottomless pit?

Are you even here?

I don’t need your help.

I don’t need anything good

to happen.

My only prayer is this:

Please

don’t let anything else bad

happen to me and my kids.