Hanahaki did not feel like going to school. She had a weight in her chest and found it hard to breathe. But "weight" was probably the wrong word, she wrote in her diary, because there was nothing there.

Nothing.

For three months she had spent every free minute thinking of Thor Soh. The first time she saw him she knew she had seen nothing more beautiful than he. When he spoke his voice was the song of the nightingale that led her to the land of dreams and ensured she would only have sweet ones. In the hallway once she passed and "accidentally" brushed his hand; a shock shot through her body and she felt weak-kneed. A boy that hard, yet his skin was so tender and warm...

"What do you want with him?" she wrote in her diary. They were the words of Grace, her best friend. "He's an a-hole. The longest word he ever used had two syllables and it was "f-cker."

But Hanahaki was long gone. She had barely heard Grace and considered it a miracle she remembered the words long enough to put them in her journal.

Every breath was taken with him on her mind. Every time she inhaled through her nose it was in the hope she would catch his scent, which she had now memorized. It was the scent of a white carnation.

Her head turned and she saw the carnations in the vase on her window sill. They hung their heads, and the white in their petals had faded to yellow.

Her mother came in.

"Oh," she said, startled. "You don't look well! Do you feel all right?"

She shook her head.

Her mother worked at an office downtown and Hanahaki barely saw her.

Suddenly, the weight in her chest, or what ever it was, tightened. She winced. Something was happening and she was afraid.

"Should I stay home...?"

"Just...go!" she grunted, doubled over.

Alone, she played scenes in her mind starring her and Thor. Smiling. Laughing. Dancing. Kissing.

The pain abated and she fell asleep, dreaming of guess who? Only this time she relived every time over the last 3 months that he had ignored her, as well as the two times he had looked at her most likely disgusted. Her mind was especially talented at storing these images; they replayed over and over. The pain in her chest returned. She awoke, and the next time she exhaled her lungs ejected something solid. She brought her hand to her mouth and pulled out the petal of a white carnation.

She was so scared she fell out of bed. Somehow she got a hold of her phone and called Grace. When her friend answered, however, the only thing Hanahaki could do was cough.

"Hana?" Grace asked.

Then she hung up.

She felt weak and did not know if she could stand. Her eyes fell and she saw her arms. They had never been so pale.

The only thing in her mind was Thor So. He would not leave and he would not come. He was trapped in her mind, without form, without a body, and would haunt her every waking moment. All of her thoughts and desires were directed towards Thor. The strands of hair on her head stood electrically, like cobras to flute music, and she commanded them to bring him to her.

Her hair stretched and pulled and leaned until Hanahaki could feel it growing. As it dangled over her face she watched it grow. It stretched ever downwards, past her backside, her thighs, her knees...

She coughed again for three minutes. She almost fainted again and would have thrown up if not for the fact that she hadn't eaten for two days.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched her veins and arteries appear through her now transparent skin. She heaved and coughed mightily, and her hands caught a bushel of white carnations.

"What the.."

Has it been two days or three since I ate? she wondered. I wonder what Thor is eating now?

Gasping and wheezing, she turned over and tried to get to her feet. She knew she had to eat something. Everything spun. Her will was lacking; she had only thoughts for Thor and since she could not ingest him it was hard to want anything else.

Hanahaki managed to make it to the top of the stairwell before she stumbled over her yearning locks; she swooned. She felt so light! She giggled, wafting to the floor below like a feather.

Her head hit the marble floor like a watermelon.

***

At her funeral the casket was sent to its earthly home with a bouquet of carnations adorning it-her favorite.

Listen now gentle reader and I will tell you of a dream of lust, ecstasy and love.

In the dark wee hours of the morning, I crept into her bed chamber.

She lay there under the linen sheets, in her natural state undisturbed.

I crept closer, she softly stirred and let out a a gentle sigh.

I looked upon her lying there sleeping, her face looked as that of a cherub, dreaming in Narcissus’s garden.

Ever so gently I draw back the crisp white linen exposing her bodice to the cool night air.

Her body quivers gently in the pale moon light.

I lay next to her, gently touching her back running my fingers down her spine.

Splaying my hands across the warm soft mounds of her buttocks.

Wantonly she moans as my hands glide gently on to the back and then to her inner thigh.

I feel the petal of her tulip ripe with dew brush ever so slightly against the back of my hand.

The pestle dank with her sweet nectar.

My golden rod, triumphantly blossomed, as I remove my bed clothing, and thrust my self into her succulent flower.

I feel her body go rigid and then relax, as she starts to move and moan and sing in harmony with the rhythm of our bodies.

I grab her hair and pull her head back, kissing and biting the nape of her neck. Sliding my other hand betwixt her and the bed linen to feel her soft warm bosom, her nipples hard and erect, a button of flesh.

Our bodies moving faster, the salty sweet smell of sweat and the flowing juices of sweet erotic motion. The emotion building as her body begins to tremble and convulse, with every thrust, kiss, bite and gentle touch to her body.

Our bodies crescendo into a swan song of harmony and rhythm. Her siren song piercing my heart and soul at the height of ecstasy, the sweet release of love, and the warmth of the place between waking and dreaming.

We drift off into the dark reaches of he night, with our bodies close together in the after glow of sweet erotic motion and ecstasy. Dreaming of the sweet release of love, and the warmth of the place between waking and dreaming.

David ,Casabonne © 12.2.2008 all rights reserved

Her eyes were the sea – you know, that variegated color between cerulean and aqua that changed and flowed and metamorphosed with the currents; sometimes turbulent and other times calm but with a flash of spirit, promising the abundance of her riches. Her ebony hair catapulted with the breezes, flashing touches of auburn and flecks of white. But ahhh – the skin – it was the silk of which dreams are born - tawny and rich, moist and golden. The lushness of her body lulled me into a false sense of security but when I plunged her depths, I encountered what true sensuality and eroticism could be. Long crimson nails drew blood in little trails down my back but left me begging for more. Her lush lips gathered me in fantasies and ecstasies that I never had encountered. Long tan legs went on forever until they reached her promised land, encompassing all that I ever was. My wild island woman lifted me to heights I never thought possible until she blew away, without a backward glance, caught in the tropical wind toward other islands in the sun, seeking the opulence of other treasures. But I knew that I would hear her siren call forever, way off in the distance, echoing in my mind, “Come to me, come to me!”

I met her on a dating app, she was slightly older but very hot! Not like model hot, but what I like the girl next door hot, with her shoulder length blond hair, the typical tight blue jeans in every picture, and a tight little sweater or t-shirt in every photo. Even one with a flowered purple sundress. In her description it read she was looking for something causal, and that she’s a RN. Perfect I thought as I began to type!

“Hey I see your a nurse, you should give me your number in case of an emergency!” Boom works like a charm. She responded almost immediately “lol how are you? Including her number and how original that line was!” I waited a little bit and texted her explaining sometimes I get injured doing dumb shit, which of course opens the “like what” conversation. So I told her me falling off the playground at 30 years old and breaking ribs story, and my favorite story about catching fire while drinking and having to be told to “stop, drop, and roll” because of my inebriated state.

I almost immediately tried to set up a date because girls like this go fast! In usual fashion she bailed out last minute with similar excuses I’ve heard before so I left it at that. Several days later to my surprise she messaged me and said “hey I’d like to cash in that rain check”. “Ok cool, let’s go to Buffalo Wild Wings” we ended up meeting and having a quick hug in the parking lot and going inside for a few drinks and wings. The conversation was great and everything was flowing right so I suggested we get a 12 pack throw it in my cooler and go check out a haunted bridge. And that’s exactly what we did, to adults on a haunted, graffitied bridge in complete darkness just having fun and taking pictures. It turned out to be a fantastic date. She even texted me immediately when she got home exclaiming “how that was the best first date ever and how I sealed it with a kiss was just perfect, and no one had ever done anything like that with her!”

I really liked this girl, and it only lasted a couple of weeks but at least she was honest upfront about what she wanted. It just happened to be what I feel like I excel in. She had invited me over to her house but her kids were home and she didn’t want me to meet them. I suggested bringing a deck of cards and she said “that be perfect considering she has a garage with a table to play at.” I stopped on my way to get a bottle of whisky and have a few shots to take the edge off the night. Once I got there we greeted each other headed to the garage and shared another kiss. It was a hot humid august day and it was stifling in the garage. With the fan she had out there and the start of a little rain it was just right though. We started playing 500 rummy and taking turns sharing songs all the while drinking whisky and getting tuned in. We danced to a few songs here and there, all the while kissing and cuddling during the dances. Back to cards back to kissing back to dancing like we were the only 2 people on earth and at that moment I feel like we truly were.

I could tell she was ready when she unbuttoned her jeans, she wanted to fuck right in the garage. Looking around there wasn’t much that would work for us other than the John Deere lawn mower. I laid her down on the hood of the lawn mower using her own shirt as a cushion. I pulled her jeans down past her tight nice shaped ass that she had to lift up ever so slightly for me to get them off. Down to her knees and then all the way off. I immediately spread her legs exposing her happy place and greedily planted my face in there. Licking and lapping and watching her squirm as I licked at her clit, it was so fucking hot. I stood up and inserted my cock and it was not disappointing, she was so wet I could feel every inch of me inside her was doing the job. Now remember it was hot and I was liquored up so it was easy for me to get exhausted really quick. We stayed in this position as it was the only feasible way in the garage at this moment. I was thrusting and pumping and with every push back inside the tractor would move an inch or two. This was also difficult because I had to slightly be on my toes to keep the right angle of penetration. I tried my hardest and it is embarrassing to admit but with the heat and liquor and exertion needed I just wasn’t able to cum. That will have to wait for another time and it did quite a bit, but It was still one of the most unique places I’ve fucked and I still had enough sense to make a joke, so anyone who’s heard the song knows what I’m talking about. But I apologized for my “temporary inadequacy” followed by “but girl tell your friends my new favorite color is John Deere green”

We didn’t work out, she’s seeing someone now. We’re still friends though only talk on rare occasions.

It was a guy’s I knew wife. She was so young, 12 years younger then me actually. She was so beautiful and innocent and I couldn’t say no to the offer she was making. She wanted to fuck! It was shortly after she left her husband when she started messaging me. I had no idea she was interested in me, even after me her and her husband had hung out together several times even at a strip club. Whenever I saw her I couldn’t take my eyes off her but I knew she was taken so I never did anything to try to steel her or get with her. But I did admire her sexiness every chance I had.

So when she messaged me and it was in a flirty way I had no idea she had already moved out of her house. It flew quickly into a let’s fuck and have fun and keep everything on the down low because of the situation being what it was. I’ll admit I didn’t want to fall in love, I forced myself not too, however after spending so much time together in 9 months it was bound to happen. Of course like you’d expect that was about the time it ended when I realized it. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

The sex… oh my fucking god! I couldn’t imagine how someone this youthful, radiant, and beautiful wanted to be with me.. but every Friday night without fail we had some of the best sex you could imagine. The straight up out of a porno fucking. Within 2 or 3 weeks she was already wanting me to have anal sex with her and with this being my kryptonite I couldn’t resist. I had too, I lost all my faculties! We were hanging on the couch watching a movie making out getting hotter and hotter. It went from that to her sucking me off, from her blowing me to me performing cunnalingois. From that to me being deep inside her fresh shaved pussy. Thrusting and thrusting as the passion of our sex intensified. I easily filled her tight vagina with my slightly larger than average cock. It was now time to take on the task id been looking forward to the most. She rolled over on the floor so she was on all fours with her perfect ass just inviting me to do whatever I wished.

In this moment of perfect ecstasy I bent forward as I was already on my knees enjoying my view and started rubbing my tongue all around her sweet asshole. She trembled from a mix of anxiety and pleasure as this was the first time she experienced this. I spread her cheeks apart with my hands that have a stout grip from years of factory work and plunged my tongue inside as far is it would go. She loved it, she wanted more as she started swaying her body backwards to put more pressure on her ass and get my tongue where it’s never been before. I had no stimulation on my cock at this point in time but felt as if I was going to spray my load all over the floor. Obviously that’s not an option so I began playing with her ass preparing her for my cock. She literally thrust her asshole on my fingers swaying back and forth so they’d go deeper each stroke.

As I slowly guided my cock in her ass my body felt weak, the rim of her but swallowing my cock head felt like Christmas morning. It was so warm and tight as it slid down the length of my dick. Her still being on the floor on all fours was absolutely perfect. I started pumping harder and harder and I could feel her climaxing as her muscles were hugging my cock at just the right times to send me into convulsions. I pulled back slightly and pulled at her knees to let her no to stretch out and lay completely flat on her stomach. Staying inside her I dove all the way back in, balls deep. Reached my right forearm around her neck and pulled back the other side so my arm bend would be directly around her neck. As you can imagine this put me in a laying almost directly on top of her position as I pumped away at her perfect body. I started to squeeze my arm around her neck and going as hard as I could. Her reaction to this was a first time experience for me. She started screaming “Yes Daddy!, daddyyyy oh yea” “fuck me harder daddy!”

I didn’t know up until that point how I’d ever feel about that, but at that moment I realized I loved it. I wanted more, it drove me wild. I was addicted! I tired not to cum as I didn’t want this to end but as I was choking her I leaned into her ear to whisper “yes baby I’m going to cum”. “Fuck me daddyyy cum deep inside my ass for me” that was it, I had an orgasm so huge I felt like my soul exited my body and went directly inside of her. I collapsed… straight up dead. I couldn’t imagine ever having sex with another woman after this. (Still haven’t to this point).

I didn’t know where this would ever lead, I just wanted to have some fun, but it seems once you fall for someone after it ends no matter the terms. (It ended decent I guess) I just can’t get over being used again and always picture the worst like she’s with some other dude or whatever. I don’t know for sure, but I’d love to have her all to myself forever. Anyway we had plenty of good sex through our time together and other amazing memories other than that were made. We even did it on the tailgate of my truck once while out front of my house with traffic going by. It is what it is. Hopefully one day she’ll get to read my story or maybe we’ll never speak again. But I had to right it out because one thing is for sure. She was an angel in the streets but a devil in bed. I still love you angel. And I still love the devil side of you too.

My most precious love,

I cherish your letters, and ask with great humility that you allow me time to read them over and over again, each opening of the paper giving me feeling alive as if for the first.

I fear the longer in wait I stand to see you, the heavier the air becomes; the greater the sorrow for simply not being in your presence.

Where else could I find such a love as this? My gratitude pours over, and you continue to fill my cup. How could I be so lucky to be loved so? How could my heart long for heaven to be anything more than your smile and embrace?

I have searched my soul daily to find any piece of me withheld from your grace, kindness, and unwavering love.

Should the ocean show me in waves that change the landscape the definition of your favor? Shall I climb to great heights only to look out upon a vastness that is as expansive as the inside of a thimble when measured against your devotion? Would it be worth nothing to even attempt to fill canyons with tears I have cried- manifested by your love?

Your beauty is left with me like an ember in my heart, when I close my eyes to see your face... instead I feel a fire in my soul of overwhelming hubris I only find in knowing you.

My heart longs to walk millions of miles of paths together, even if just to be in your shadow.

How have I deserved such richest of affection and consuming gifts of joy you freely give?

I rise each morning as if it will be the day I get to embrace you, and it never feels like I am taking fraudulent means upon my heart; this is how I wait for you.

Life has no pain greater than the pleasure within me just to know your name!

Grief has no hold upon my heart which could even attempt to for a second keep you from my mind.

My life belongs to you; more precious are your words than anything tangible I have encountered. Your countenance is the only reflection I see in the mirror, in the stream, in the field at sunset, and wrapped around the mountains at sunrise!

Please my love, stay with me in heart, in mind, in soul. May my every deed please you, and my heart show you my devotion as it grows stronger with every drop of blood that passes through.

Food has no taste, wine has no effect, but your words the fill me and your spirit is an intoxication of which I still through all these years can neither understand nor grow tolerant to.

Each night I will pray to dream of you, each day touch and read your letters until memorized. When we are together again, I will wrap my arms around you and forever be sustained.

Perhaps, at this moment, as I sit and ponder

Future me somewhere will look back and wonder

And smile, and think, as her arms nimbly cross,

“How can one lose again what never was lost?”

That future me maybe could answer your question.

Who knows? Maybe not. It was just a suggestion.

For now, though, I’ll say (not entirely sure)

I’d probably lose it the same way as before.

If before was a bed with the man of my dreams

Or a couch, or table? You know what I mean.

After wedding, of course, before that, wouldn’t dare.

On our honeymoon night; a romantic affair.

Or maybe it’s morning or mid-afternoon.

Whenever, wherever he’ll cause me to swoon.

Whoever he is, however it goes,

In that very moment, I’ll recall this prose.

And smile, and think, as my arms nimbly cross,

“If something is given, it’s not truly lost.”

There are no words

that soothe the

biting sting of

not being wanted

There are no actions

to comfort the

bruised feelings when

not chosen

Only the quiet of

the night as

tears roll down

your cheek

And you ready yourself

for the coming

of the night and

evasive sleep

As you wonder what

signs were misread

as you choke back

the imprecision

of emotions...

Will you tell me what you want?

Please be the one who understands

I don't want to be the one

Who plans what we do for fun!

The Virgin is a reclusive sign

In life they are very kind

And as a teacher I am fine

But I prefer a kinky mind,

I want you to take charge

Demand a little,

Like a boot camp sarge

I'll be there if you whistle

If you can show me

In a scene it's better

You'll set me soaring, free

If I know what to do to the letter