why?

someone should kill me.

I grab his face and tell him that's its okay, sometimes things don't always go our way, and that we have to stay strong. I talk to him likes hes a little boy, lost in a shopping mall, I suppose. I hold his hands, and comfort him. let him cry on my shoulder. he leaves me in the morning and throw the comforter over my head, along with the second one I stole for him, and I cry. I cant drink this time. its 10 am on a sunday, so I wait till two, when my parents leave the house.

someone should kill me, I told her, before I do it myself. wouldn't i only ruin it for myself even worse? even when I'm already dead? itd still be my fault.

I drink this time, and I scream, alone in my house, my pets cowering in the corners of my living room. I scream again, someone should kill me, hoping someones listening. it was only one shot, to stop from killing myself.

things don't always go our way, but where is my mind, when I cant take my own advice, and let tequila do the soothing? itll hold my hand, like a gun to my head. id rather that then get lost In a shopping mall, still alone while surrounded by people, looking for myself instead of my own mother.

theres alcohol dripping from my chin onto my shirt, and someone should kill me. I wonder if the lithium will.

someone should kill me, I tell her.

stay safe, she tells me.

from what?

I never reply. I'm scaring myself in this empty house. seeing things that aren't there, and you can say I'm crazy because of the liquor, but I was crying so hard it sounded like cackling, so I beg to differ.

someone should kill me.things don't always go our way, and I don't know what to want any longer.