Revenge in One Act; a musical.
Lights come on centre stage illuminating a very obviously deceased woman in a beautiful and tattered wedding dress, her skin is sickly grey and green with spidery purple veins and and her long blonde hair is wild and barely kept out of her face by a veil that billows out behind her as she moves. You can tell she was well kept and has since given up. She wanders the stage humming the bridal march, as she walks the lights wash the stage in a soft blue green glow. The room is very elaborate and well decorated. Think high end royalty circa 1700 Versailles. As she sings, she paces the room breaking various objects.
She plops down on the king size bed to stage left and sighs while holding a picture frame she picks up from the nightstand to her right.
(Starts slowly, sweetly and dripping with hatred and sarcasm, picking up tempo and intensity as she continues to fill with rage. She speaks and sings in a high pitched whiny soprano, very high end and pampered, think Kristen chenoweth meets valley girl )
Oh isnʼt it sweet?
Oh isnʼt it delectable?!
How my Prince Charming ended up with a
porcelain collectable?
Oh, isnʼt it grand!?
Oh my, what a show!
But if thereʼs something that Iʼm certain of!
and something you all ought to know!
The simple fact of the matter is;
The bitch has got to go!
I may be nothing but air!
And I may nothing at all!
But I'll be damned
(Though I may be dead)
And I'll be damned
(I'll have her head!)
If her picture will hang on his wall!*
*She smashes the picture frame and walks downstage towards the audience, sitting on the edge of the stage completely breaking the fourth wall, she's removing jewellery as she continues to sing. As she explains what's happening, two actors, one male approx 6'4 and a small busty brunette both dressed in wedding attire enter, the man carrying the woman across the threshold and throwing her straight into bed, all you see is clothes flying as they scurry under the covers*
Oh isnʼt it lovely? *pause as she takes out her earrings and glances back towards the door as the two enter*
Oh isnʼt she ugly?
In that dress the colour of milk thatʼs gone sour!
Wearing MY FIANCÉ like some gaudy dead flower!
Her beauty will only fade by the hour!
AND HE
The bastard!
Who promised to take me as his wife
When all he took from me was my life!
And yet I still think he looks…quite nice. *she pauses and stares at him adoringly then remembers about the other girl and approaches the bed where she spits these lyrics directly at the moving mess of sheets and moans*
AND SHE
The girl as exotic as flour!
Ill have her gone within the hour!
I might be only air but the bitch will cower!
*she pulls the sheets off the two of them with starling force, the sheets are swept offstage by a pulley and the newlyweds jump up in an over dramatic embarrassed comedic fashion. They cannot see the dead bride responsible for the damage. The dead bride casually knocks a vase of flowers on the nightstand over and sits down on it and addresses the audience directly while the two are frozen on stage in tableau*
{speaking while fixing her hair and nails etc}
You would not believe the week I've had. So, that nearly naked man who looks a little like Adonis with the right lighting? Thatʼs Joel, sweet, Sensitive, mamas boy Joel. Now Joel could never hurt a fly. He may look like mister macho, but truth be told, heʼs a baby. So how does a baby get ahold of enough opium to kill his fiancé? Thatʼs where tits for brains comes in. Thatʼs Miranda. She looks like sheʼs not much to worry about, but a girl like that, sheʼs trouble for all of us modest women out here! She and I, well, we arenʼt even comparable.
{singing now}
Miranda and I!
Oh Miranda and I,
We never did see eye to eye!
From the moment we were born to the moment I died
We competed for love from every side!
Sheʼd angle this way, Iʼd angle that, Iʼd want a dog and sheʼd want a cat! Mom and daddy never did agree, when it came to Miranda and me!
I was the favourite and that was a fact,
and when I succeeded she fell off track!
Onto the streets, until the drugs were free!
For twins we are..
were..
as different as can be.
And itʼs not for lack of trying! Although a side effect of dying
And meeting your lifeʼs end
While your sister fucks your husband!
You canʼt blame the girl for trying but damn! Thatʼs a relationship you canʼt mend
{back to talking}
So my darling twin sister, not identical obviously. Got it in her head that I had to wind up dead, and thatʼs where things get messy. Last thing I remember itʼs the fifteenth of December, and my fiancé of a year comes to me with pot of tea, three cups in and Iʼm down and out face first in my rug and lipstick a mess! You can still see it in the carpet right here *shes acting out this monologue a bit in front of the fire and rubs the rug* I thought it was just a bad dream, but next thing I know, the rooms redecorated! My pictures replaced with hers. At first I thought it was a joke, I laughed along and swore Joel would be sleeping alone for at least a week! Until I noticed him in the bed, and he definitely wasnʼt sleeping, nor was he alone…
There's no guidebook to being dead you know! You've just got to make the most of it. And luckily enough for me, making Mirandas life hell is my version of Heaven.
{singing again}
Oh isn't it strange!
Oh isn't it intriguing?
How death doesn't mean a thing when there's no point in breathing?
Oh isn't it admirable?
Aren't I a saint?
For sure I'm a god damn Martyr
I've accepted my lot without complaint
and I've become so much smarter!
I may be nothing but air!
And I may nothing at all!
But I'll be damned
(Though I may be dead)
And I'll be damned
(I'll have her head!)
If her picture will hang on his wall!
I may be nothing but air!
And I may nothing at all!
But I'll be damned
(Though I may be dead)
And I'll be damned
(I'll have her head!)
If her picture will hang on MY wall
But if there's something that I'm certain of!
and something you all ought to know!
The simple fact of the matter is;
The outrageous fact of the matter is!
The only fact of the matter is!!!
The bitch has got to go!!!!
*lights down to blackout*
End scene