On the Edge of a Precipice

A mother's guilt is endless.

Unable to breastfeed my babies,

Too depressed to function,

Anxious about how I am mothering,

Taking new meds to try to be normal,

Sweating through the night,

Working to pay off debt,

Taking naps when at home with kids,

Didn't get the dishes done again,

Forgot to put that patch on that uniform,

Skipping another shower to fit in breakfast,

Getting sick at the worst times,

Never cleaning til it's done,

Wishing for a minute this wasn't my life,

Taking everything out on the kids,

Yelling at their father too,

Buying a car instead of summer camp,

Waiting til last minute for everything,

Never putting myself first,

So undeserving of my family.

Broken, inadequacy the means of my own misery, I fear my children will become like me.

Effort long as the day,

Brave facing each job,

Teaching manners, instilling values,

Making them pull their weight,

Feeding each body, fulfilling each curiosity,

Giving opportunities, witnessing failure,

Seeing bravery through insecurities,

A mother's job is never done.

I will always ask myself:

Did I do a good job?

Was it worth all those sacrifices?

Did I do enough?

Was I enough?