The Hardest Easy Thing
I'm laying here, trying to keep my eyes closed and ignoring the time - when I look at the time it makes it real, and I'm not ready for time to be real yet. But I do look, of course I do. And it's 2pm. I still can't get out of bed.
There are things I need to do today. Lots of them. Reading to be read, homework to be finished, errands to be completed. I don't have time to be a nonfunctioning human. I think all of this as I make no move to get up from under the covers. I'm not hungover, but I never took off last nights makeup and I'm sleeping in a dress. I desperately need a shower. I desperately need to clean the apartment. I desperately need to get my shit together.
Now I feel anxious, and it's 3pm but I'm still here. There comes voices outside my door - my roommates and some friends. I should go out and talk to them. Socializing is normal. I should do that. I'm hungry now, too. I could eat. We don't have much food, but I could get some. Stop at subway or something. Yeah I should do that. 4pm comes and I'm still here.
Most stores close at 5, and there are places I could go. I need some books for school, and I could go grocery shopping. Start the week off with real food, not just shitty over priced take out salads. I'm not a big salad person. It'd be nice to have a break from them. Voices come back my door, asking if I want to go out to dinner. I say no.
It's 6, then 7 and there's no point in getting up. I wasted my day. Again. We all get a set number of days here, and this is what I did with mine. Again.
It's not that hard. It isn't. It's not that hard to get out of bed. Billions of people do it every day. Billions. I'm just one person. What makes me the glitch? why is it so difficulty for me?