Not one of those girls.
I am a quilt of flaws, stitched together with bad memories. Little things set me on fire, they make my chest burn with anxiety from hatred. I don't think I could ever hate anyone more than I hate myself. Iv always wanted to be one of those beautiful flawless girls, tan skin, long wavy hair, blue eyes, great body. I am none of those. I am the very opposite. I am a girl who is way too tall, I have long flat hair, I am as pale as a ghost and my eyes resemble that of a mud puddle. I am overweight in all the wrong places. I'd like to say I have curves but it's more than that, I am fat. I am non of the things that are in my opinion beautiful. I have anxiety out pouring out of me, and my emotions fly all over the place. I wish I could say I was happy and bubbly but instead I'm just sad and bitter. Iv struggled with weight ever sense going on antipsychotics, last year I managed to lose 50+ pounds. The entire time I felt like I was getting bigger. I am so awful Critical that every time someone says something that's not meant as an insult, my brain reverses it and turns it into one. I hate that I'm scared to eat in front of people because i feel like they are judging me for how much is on my plate, how fat I am. I feel like I can't be attractive or sexy in important times. I can't be attractive, I'm not one of those pretty girls. I never have been.