You really irritate me sometimes.

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You really irritate me sometimes.
Like when you eat
the sound of your mastication reminds me of a pig
I want to cry ENOUGH at every meal
and stab you with my knife.
I take a white-knuckled grip
and slice my steak savagely instead
imagining it is your head.

You really irritate me sometimes
Like when you work and whistle
this is a terrible infraction of our agreement
and drives me to distraction
The discordant shrills falling from your lips
make me mutter vile cantrips
I wish I had access to a giant brute
with whom I could render you mute.

You really irritate me sometimes
When to the john you go
here your transgressions are quite appalling
You do not flush, the smell is galling
drops of urine adorn the seat
how do you manage that feat?
as I wield the brush, the urge
to beat you senseless is overwhelming.

You really irritate me sometimes
but guess what - I still you love anyway
and wouldn't swop you for another
imagine learning to live
with what new irritations they would bring?
the familiar doesn't breed contempt
but brings love that overlooks, forgives
yet still - you really irritate me sometimes.