Rock bottom isn’t so bottomless.
There's a point when you just can't move any further. I can't progress to more than what I am right now. I feel like iv hit rock bottom. I feel so angry and so sad all the time. My emotions are up and down every second. I can't control them right now. Iv been sleeping the days away because I can't do anything else. I can't function. I feel very isolated. I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling. No one in my life who can handle hearing about it. I often find myself looking for a stranger to talk to because they are more open to talking about it with me than people around me. Everyone is always too tired, too stressed, too busy. No one wants to hear it anymore. My main doctor had retired and the only other human being I have to tell is my other therapist who I don't see often. He's not even a friend or a family member, he's a doctor. He is someone who is hired to console me and make me feel better about how desperate I am to not be here anymore. Hes someone who is paid a lump of money to talk to me about my feelings. I don't have anyone who isn't being paid to talk to. No one I want to talk to. It's a very lovely feeling. I find myself just sitting and staring at the wall, at the ceiling, at the trees outside. I'm not even looking, my mind just kind of goes away for a while, it drifts to a different place. I feel very empty and very tired. I don't know if I'll be able to crawl out of this one.