Anxiety
I grew up with random voices
In my head. I tried to ignore them,
Thinking they would simply vanish,
But I was wrong. I always wished
For them to disappear, but with each
Passing day, they built their home in my
Mind, in the lonely holes where memories
Fade and wither like leaves in the fall.
I had no one to turn to. I slowly was
Losing my mind, not knowing what they
Wanted from me. It has been 17 years,
And still the voices remain, a friend
To my fears and doubts. I realize I
Cannot let them go. I wish to, but how
Can I let the only voices which cared
For me, walk away? They have trapped
Me, a prisoner in my own mind, but
Still I cannot desert them. I wish to
Pretend I cannot feel the weight
Of their words, smashing my head,
But the pain consumes my thoughts.
Living with a mental disorder is
Like lying in bed each night, with the
Ghost of remembering. We can feel them
Pushing against our minds, but we cannot
Make others understand, the voices in
Our heads, which have no face, but
Ruin our lives. I cannot remember when
These voices first came; I think they were
Always lodged in my mind, but they
Only made their presence known when
I felt lonely and worthless. They made me
Feel like no one cared, but them.
I have befriended my demons and refuse
To take pills because the pain will always
Remain. My mother does not know of
The pounding in my head. She thinks I'm
Stupid and shy, always reminding me that
People won't bite, but she will never
Understand the voices that scream and sing
In my mind. No one will ever understand,
Unless they too, can hear the voices.