A Body of Choice
She sat on the sterile surface of the table and let the tears flow down her face. Their words thundered in her head over and over again as her heart beat wildly against the avian bones of her ribcage. No, no, no. This is not your body. You are nothing.
A million thoughts exploded inside her mind. A thousand options presented themselves to her, each one more grim than the last. Knots twisted in her stomach and she felt the bile rise in her throat.
"I won't do it," she croaked. Alone. "I won't do it."
"You don't have really have a choice, I'm sad to say," came the response. The doctor's eyes looked at her with mocked sympathy, but the truth was written there in bold -- just beneath the surface. Another stupid girl, another stupid decision. When would they learn?
"But this is my body. I won't do it." Another wave of grief washed over her and she felt the maelstrom move in her belly. "I can't do it. I won't do it. I would rather die."
"Then you'll go to jail. It's a criminal offense beyond this point. There's nothing more we can do for you."
A stupor set over her as the shock set in. All the illusions began to fall away like sheets of broken glass. Her world, her life was shattered. One-by-one, her dreams began to peel away and the chasm opened up beneath her. She could feel the flames licking her feet and she could feel the icy resolution of death fettering itself around her throat. The future and the past warped together and she saw the hell that was waiting for her ahead. A life of pain. A life without choice. This is what it meant to be a woman.
She lay in bed that night, feeling her doom kicking and twisting in her stomach. It was never supposed to come to this. It was never supposed to be this way. So many promises that had been made, so many doctors that had given her absolutes. None of it was true. And now? Now she stood at the brink and there was no going back. The reality of her truth choked her. The reality of her value and her place in this world wrenched her heart open wide and lay her soul open, raw and bare. She began to suffocate.
In the morning, her mind was made up. As the monster wriggled inside her belly, her mind turned to steel. This was her body. This was her choice. This was the only choice they had left her. Her, the brood mare. The half-person.
She watched the sun rise once more before she pulled the bottle from the cupboard and stuffed her hands with the little white pills.
It was the only choice left, but it was her choice. Her only choice. The only choice the state had left her.