Mistakes
The jail door buzzed for her to step out for the last time. She looked out at the blinding sunlight. She hadn't seen it in almost seven months. She stepped out, shielding her eyes as she walked into her freedom. It was bittersweet. The sun gleamed on her skin, and the smell of daffodils wafted into her nostrils. She clutched the plastic bag that held her things, the last things she'd worn before being taken in. She examined them as she walked. The thighs of her jeans and the chest of her jacket still had Finnlay's dried blood on them. She scoffed, biting her tongue to stop the tears from falling from her eyes, and tossed the plastic bag in the trash.
She had never stopped thinking of Finnlay. She'd been her best friend since they were kids, even when she had started hanging out with the wrong crowd. They had always done everything together, from sleepovers to tattoos to tests. Finnlay had always been there with her. She peered at her forearm, where she had gotten Finnlay's name tattooed in red ink with flowers around it. She stroked the scars she'd sliced into Finnlay's name. It was her first order of business after the authorities had told her Finn was dead. She would have killed the old lady, but Paige had already done it. She shook the memory from her mind and scratched at the tattoo. She never should've gotten it.
She walked down First, passing the homeless people begging for spare change. She came to an intersection, where a man was sitting rocking his young daughter. Although they clearly had nothing, the little girl's head was wrapped with a bloody blue scarf. The man had no hat out. The man wore no sign. He just sat singing to his daughter in a language the young woman had never heard of before. She reached in her pocket, feeling the $70 she had had in her jeans. After everything that happened, all she'd been left with was a few crumpled Hamiltons, and two Lincolns with blood on them. She'd never be able to use them. Not after the things they'd witnessed. She pulled the money out and handed it to the man. He looked at her with confusion.
"For the girl," she said, gesturing towards the child. "It'll help you."
He stared into her eyes as he cautiously took the money. He counted it, and a smile came across his face. "Shukran laki. Shukran."
She smiled and crossed the street. Halfway down Third, she looked back. The man was carrying his daughter like a football in one of his arms, smiling. He had produced a ratty suitcase that he had probably been sitting on and she could hear it rolling out of her her eyesight. A small part of her thought he'd go abandon the girl and buy alcohol or drugs, but she also knew one of the only hotels allowing refugees to stay (for a small price) was that way. She smiled knowing she'd helped someone who needed it, even though she did too. She walked towards Fifth and Conch and caught sight of the pole.
A shudder ran from her head to her toes. That was where it had happened. Six years ago, the girls had parked the car at that very pole and waited for a victim. She'd remembered because there was a Have You Seen Me? poster of a little boy taped on it. Though it was weathered, she could see the boy's face. He was chubby-cheeked with jam or something smeared on him. He held a sippy cup and looked innocently into the camera. She gazed at it and thought back to his mother. She was there that night too. She had implicated them as the people who did it. She'd even testified.
"Do you see any of the people you had seen the night of the murder of Mary Ellen Buminger?" the lawyer had asked.
The woman replied to him with a nod.
"May you please point to the person you saw aiding in the murder of Mary
Ellen Buminger?"
The woman pointed to the young woman sitting in stripes. Since the fateful day, her hair had been cropped and she had lost weight. The lawyer nodded his head. "Let the record show that Mrs. Yarbinger pointed to the defendant, Madison Michelle Voigt."
Madison had boiled over. At once she was out of her seat, yelling at the distraught woman. "You saw me kill that old bitch? How about you seeing her kill Paige! Paige was only fifteen, you blind dolt! That old bitch was gonna die in a week. Paige had her whole life to live and you're blaming this on her? I hope your son is dead! I hope you have to live with that!"
The judge banged his gavel. The people in the courtroom gasped. The woman on the stand sobbed, rolled up her sleeves, and began to scratch her wrists. Madison hadn't noticed them before. Dark angry red marks lined the woman's arms. She'd suddenly felt bad, but it was too late to apologize. She was escorted away, the last thing she saw being the woman's wrists leaking fresh blood from her tearing open a healing wound. Two months later, both she and her son would be pronounced dead, one day apart from each other. Madison spent that whole day crying in her cell.
She shook the thought from her mind, and continued down the street. Holten Street lay at the next intersection. Nostalgia began to race through her mind. She stroked the pole of the bus stop where she and Finnlay had met on the first day of school. She could still remember Finnlay pulling her pigtails, pulling so hard that her rubber bands were sliding off. She remembered screaming for her mother to help her, before Finnlay slapped her and told her to quit being such a baby. It was too late anyway. Her pigtails had been released, and the brown tendrils of hair were flowing freely on her back. Finnlay promised to put them back after school. Despite the attention she got, she anxiously awaited The time on the bus when Finnlay would put her hair back the way it was supposed to be. She only realized later that all the other girls had had their hair in ponytails, even Finnlay. She was the only one, and she had gotten the most compliments. That was the day she decided she wanted to know more about Finnlay Zelinsky.
Madison crossed the streetand started towards her house, past the corner store where she had met Alannah Homas, the Venezuelan girl who'd moved in three weeks before the girls were supposed to start third grade. Just as Finnlay had with Madison, she gave Alannah her very unique welcome.
The girls had walked towards the store where they'd seen the older guy. Finnlay stopped Madison from going in too quickly. "Wait!"
"Why?"
"How does my hair look?"
"Girl!"
The two giggled as they rounded the corner. They were stopped by a gruff voice yelling outside. "Barra esas hojas! Noella, me oyes?"
"Si papi. Voy a hacerlo!"
The girls watched a young pale girl some out with a broom that was almost double her size. She grunted as she struggled to sweep the dried leaves. She groaned in Spanish. Madison slapped Finnlay's forearm. "Let's go ask her."
"Why? She clearly doesn't speak English," Finnlay replied loudly.
"I can hear you," the girl groaned. "And I speak English fine, thank you."
"You don't even look Mexican," Finnlay replied
"Well duh! I'm not Mexican. I'm from Venezuela."
"What is that?"
"It's a country. Look it up."
"Anyway, we were wondering if you've seen a guy around here. He's tall and beautiful."
"The only guys around here are my dad and my brother."
"We don't want your dad, but can we see that brother?" Finnlay asked.
"No, you can't. Go away."
"No need to be rue, Maria. We're leaving."
A rock sailed and hit the back of Finnlay's head as they turned to leave. "My name is Noella. Not Maria. Dumb bitch."
"I'll call you whatever the hell I want," Finnlay yelled back.
The girls locked in a vicious stare. All of a sudden, Finnlay laughed. "You're a funny chick, you know that that? I'll call you... uh... No-eh-yah if you'd like."
"My middle name is easier. It's Alannah."
"That's pronouncable. Nice to meet you Alannah. Now seriously, where is this brother of yours?"
Madison smiled and continued towards her old house. As she walked, she passed the big oak tree where the three friends had met Paige, a junkie's daughter who had the hook up on Girl Scout Cookies. It stood surrounded by Chinese shops and Wal-Marts. She could remember when the tree was surrounded by others just like it, standing tall and mighty to protect the neighborhood. Now, six years later, they had been all but uprooted and turned into furniture. She walked up towards the hill. She knew her parent's wouldn't be happy to see her. They had told her when they'd first found out about the things she and Finnlay really did then they did they were hanging out that once she went to jail, she'd never hear form them again. And so far, they'd lived up to their promise.
She walked down the street, past the Zelinsky's house. On the front lawn, a redhead was chasing a blond girl. Two Yorkies chased the girls. Madison watched for a bit, remembering those days. Suddenly, the door opened. Her heart stopped. Mrs. Tana Zelinsky was standing on the porch. The woman's red hair had faded significantly since Madison had seen her. Mrs. Zelinsky's sullen blue eyes met Madison's. Madison thought she could see a tear forming. The gaze broken was broken in milliseconds. "Shania, come inside!"
"Okay!" Shania called. She ran towards the house, but paused and looked back at the blonde. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
"Of course!" The blonde squealed. She was grabbing the dogs' leashes. "Mia and Max couldn't stay away from you if I wanted to."
Shania smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow then, Gloria!"
The young blonde walked past Madison without a wayward glance. Madison continued down the street, wiping tears from her eyes. She could still remember Finnlay telling her about her new baby sister. That was only a year before everything happened. She and Madison had "practiced" by watching Madison's younger sister, Memphis, after they got out of school. Madison's heart suddenly ached for her younger siblings she used to torment years ago. Memphis, ten years younger than her, would be turning eleven now. The stuff they'd done together raced through Madison's head. The fighting, the arguing, the hugs, the kisses, the break ups, the babysitting, the friends - Memphis had been there through all of it. Her heart sank. She'd been a terrible influence.
"What did you do now, Madison?" Maya asked her.
The fourteen year old shrugged. Maya raised her eyebrow. "So you don't know why Mom and Daddy are yelling and fussing and coddling Memphis?"
"They act like she was in danger! I was holding her the entire time! We were being careful!"
"We?"
Madison rolled her eyes. "Me and Finn. We were joyriding because she's fifteen now, and she can do that. They changed the law, you know. Paige is in Dallas and Alannah was at piano, so no one else could watch Memphis which is why we had to take her with us."
Maya sighed. "Even though she's fifteen, she can't drive. She needs her license. And holding Memphis wouldn't have helped her. If she'd hit something, Memphis would've flew forward, hit the dash, and her head would've been busted up. And we like our baby sister with her head not caved in, right?"
Madison nodded.
"Plus, you could go to jail. You don't want to end up like Marshall, right?"
Madison thought of her older brother who'd been caught after going AWOL three years ago. She hadn't seen him since his trial. No one had. He was sitting in a jail cell rotting. She shook her head no.
"Alright then," Maya said. "I don't think you should hang out with Finn anymore. I mean, you guys have been doing stuff like this a lot lately. You should find other people to hand out with. Maybe you could be friends with that girl up the street. What's her name? Penelope?"
"Penelope is super weird! Plus, everyone says she's loose."
"What does that even mean?"
"I don't know, but it's bad because all the boys say they don't like loose things."
"Just shut up. She's a nice girl. I've known her forever."
Madison bumped into a young woman. The girl was knocked back but didn't fall. "I'm sorry," Madison mumbled.
"Oh, it's ok- Madison? Is that really you?"
Madison nodded. The girl pulled her into her arms. "It's me, Penelope. I didn't even know you were out. We should catch up sometime."
"No, I'm okay," Madison replied, breaking herself from Penelope's grip.
If she'd just listened to her sister, Finnlay would still be alive. They both could've graduated, gotten married, had kids, bought houses... But she didn't. She didn't need another reminder that she was a failure trying to be her friend. She sauntered towards the only blue house on the street. She had made it. She was ready to go home. She noticed a new car in the driveway. After pausing to admire it, she continued to the door. Suddenly, it opened, and a dark woman came out with her kids. She stopped, and backed up, shooing her young children back inside the house.
"Who are you?"
"My name is Madison. Madison Voigt. Do Lauren and Brian Voigt still live here?"
"The Voigts... No, they sold us the house about seven months ago."
"Do you know where they went?"
"No, I'm sorry, hun. You look bad. Do you want to come in? I could-"
"No thanks. I'll just go to my grandmother's house."
"Good," the woman said.
She watched Madison go down the street before turning back to her children. Madison continued to walk, for a bit before collapsing into a fit of sobs. She was completely alone. Her family had abandoned her. Her friends were either dead or in jail. She had no one all because of one stupid mistake.