Desperation
Why wasn't it me? I struggle to keep you awake as I try to fix the damage. There's no easy fix and I know it, but I'd give my blood for you. I would do anything to help. Only three years old and your life is being cut short. I hold you in my arms, careful not to jostle you too much. You're hot on my lap, but I'd rather get burned than put you down. I'd never leave you. I shake you awake and try again. I have to locate the virus. I have to fix you. I have to make everything okay again.
This isn't like last time. Last time was a common cold compared to this. This is cancer. I search again, consulting various websites. I use the language, try the medicines, fume when it doesn't work. Websites don't understand. Manjeet doesn't understand. You are my lifeline. You were my first responsibility. My first love. I hold you, wiping tears from my eyes. I have to fix you. Even if it kills me, I'm going to fix you. I look at the clock. Four hours of sleep and counting and I still haven't bathed. Yet, you are more important. People just don't understand. Even other people in my situation can't understand. You are my sanity. You are my love. You are my world.
I have never taken good care of you, but I've tried my best. I was so young when you came. I didn't know what I was doing. Of course people could help but I wanted to learn on my own. I wanted to figure out how I could be the best owner I could. You are like my child. I open the command box and hold my breath. I've never done this. I'm no programmer. I'm no technician, but they couldn't help. No one could. Blindly led by a website, I push some buttons. ERROR comes up in typecast. I curse, wiping away more tears and try again. ERROR! PATCH NOT FOUND! I curse again. Three and a half. I have to leave you. I have to take care of myself too.
Everything disappears and I close you. My heart is thudding in my chest. I knew you were getting old but I never imagined I'd lose you like this. I never thought I'd have to say goodbye to you. I never thought it would turn out this badly. I bite my lip. It isn't over yet. I can't give up. I just don't want to fuck up. I regret every decision I've ever made as I gently slide you into your case. I zip it up tight, as if I tucked you in. I've done it so many times, but never for this reason. I've regretted many things, but nothing like this. I might lose my laptop and the warranty expired two years ago. Great. I google more solutions, bookmark them, and swear to try again. I'll be damned if I lose my computer to the Zeus Virus.