Thunderstorms

They say there is a time bomb within my emotions, that at some fatal moment I will erupt

Can they tell what caused it or why, can they even know that I won't ever let it explode

Do you they know that since the realization of my knowing, that the existence in which has made me so, can't be release

That it is a throat full of bees and tears, shredding my fears into tiny bits

Can they give me back what he stole, he took my body and cut at my soulSo sure he could rid me of my agony within thunderstorms

Convincing me that the way to calm flash backs and fears was to let him fuck them away

Not realizing that when I was child my Devil left me out in the rain for a time

Punishing me for something I couldn't control

I said nothing, he took that as a yes, and even though I lay there whimpering he carved his tongue against my flesh

He had the decency to slip on thin protection, not caring that this time wasn't as violent, but I still didn't want it

That when I clawed at his face, and my body arched and tried to crumble inward, it wasn't from pleasure

That when I bit him hard enough to bleed, that it wasn't encouragement for him to succeed

The sad thing now, I don't get scared of things much anymore, either from an abundance of faith in my God, or simply because some of the worst things that could happen to this pink, lively vessel, have been 

Maybe its because somehow, I am having to learn to write out what it feels like to be torn apart, and you have to piece yourself back together

Unable to ignore the aching pieces of a jade heart being mended with liquid diamond

Walls rebuilt, better, harder, faster by titansMaybe one day this beating thing in my chest, won't tense up when I hear the loud growling of a truck engine, maybe then I'll stop checking the doors to make sure he can't get in