Today I Have Learned Two Things:
There are bricks inside my chest
I was told I am merely stressed, still
I apprehend my heart became depressed and
Out of panic, the heart became submissive to the brain
"I beg of you to relieve me of this pain!"
So listless towards the accustomed bursting,
It stuck with dissolving, leaking beneath my breasts
Sneaking out of my life,
For the strife of my psyche
Was too much for it to beat even slightly
I just had to cry: I felt it melt
Through my sternum, as if a burden
Settling in my stomach only to be digested,
Only to die as requested
No matter how often I grieved,
Still nobody believed me
They shook their head
And it didn’t matter if I was afraid
So on that dreadful night,
A voice inside gave insight:
"This will probably hurt and
You may disconcert,
But you’ll be just fine…
And if not...
Who minds?
Besides,
There is so much pain,
With not one who cares
Enough to repair."
I lied deathly still in my bed, full of fright
As the blade of the oscillating saw
Carved through my flawed torso and—
There it was:
The heart
I thought had
Fallen apart
And although I cried,
I silently wished it died
In order to annihilate heartache,
I must eliminate the source of my problem:
The heart!
After breaking the bones I have known,
I laughed as if I were mad
(I am not)
As I dug my heart out
And I could never describe what it feels like
To hold a beating heart in trembling hands
I would say, assembling a collection of drugs
And swallowing them all at once,
Along with your pride,
Is the only way to encounter anything near my high
Still, we have been told as long as we’ve been around:
What goes up,
Must come down
What they don’t tell you,
Is that includes your emotions
What they don’t tell you,
Is that most of us are ignorantly ambivalent
What they don’t tell you,
Is that you can be the human equivalent to an explosion
- Today I Have Learned Two Things:
1. How it feels to hold a beating heart in trembling hands
2. The only thing worse than feeling pain is feeling nothing at all