Axes and Ohhhhs
Something worth being a secret,
Should be carefully shared.
Otherwise the entire town will know,
Keep your secret, or Be prepared.
Gossip at the local salon and saloon,
Word travels with lightening speed,
The story changes in truth,
Pretty soon you're the front page read.
Life is full of petty little liars,
Nice to your face,
But behind your back,
The worst disgrace.
You find out who your friends are,
When times are tough.
Some will come through to help,
some will vanish into the rough.
In the blink of an eye,
Life can change.
Your world can go from glitter and roses,
To burning down in flames.
In these dreaded moments,
You have to be smart and strong,
Because those friends you need,
May do you very wrong.
Judgmental little assholes,
Dirty, tasteless fools.
Lined up talking shit,
Drunk and sitting on the local bar stools.
You thought I wouldn't hear it,
You think I don't know?
Everyone whispers loud around here,
That's why rumors so easily grow.
There is nothing left to speak about,
So they revert to tasteless chatter.
Their own lives are so boring,
That my tragedies become the subject matter.
So next time we meet,
I'll hug you a little tighter,
I'll tell you that I appreciate the support,
That you've made this burden much lighter.
Then I'll tell you the story,
Of the golden rule,
The one we heard together in bible school,
And I'll grin and play it cool.
I'll give you little clues,
Drop a few names and make you sweat,
You'll start to wonder if I know,
Your face will blush with regret.
I'll tell you how my world is crumbling,
That I'm hanging on by a thread.
Then I'll tell you all the crazy things,
That pop up in my head.
Like how sometimes I sleep walk,
I'm not sure where I go.
But sometimes I wake up,
Holding a shovel and a hoe.
How sometimes I find myself,
Standing in front of giant fires,
Like the big one last week,
Where they found the smoldering tires.
That for some strange reason,
There is an ax in my car,
I have no idea how it got there...
Really weird since they found a chopped up body not to far...
I'll tell you that yesterday I woke up,
Naked next to your lover,
All warm and cozy,
And how the bartender fucked your mother.
I'll let you ponder this,
Long enough to wonder and think it through,
Am I telling the truth?
I guess you better hope that
I'm a better liar than you.
You thought you had something to talk about,
Congratulations, now you do!
Go tell everyone all the things,
That I just said to you.
Go- Climb up on that barstool!
Share some stories and drink a beer!
What's wrong? You're going home already?
Your face is full of fear.
Don't blame me, I'm just returning the favor,
Just like you, I'm the friend of the year.