The Unbearable Nothingness of Grief
Forsaken, I stand naked and alone
A singular point on the number line
Ill winds from aft force me whither unknown
Subtraction will kill with a minus sign.
Searching for feelings true and grandiose
Grieving for the life that was there before
I furl fetal, shrunk, and ourobos
And await my fate from love’s carnivore.
I faltered, my failed opportunity
Creating a void that demands from me
To give myself in perpetuity
But then the vacuum collapsed completely.
She is gone, but a vector needs two points
Unable to sense anyone at all
I pray fiercely for the One who anoints
Those is love, but I feel His withdrawal.
I feel no one’s presence now, no love, no God
No faith, no purpose, not even my soul
I fall to the ground where no one dares trod
For fear of waxing unwell and unwhole.
The emptiest place filled with all bad things
My hollowness did beget the ill wind
’Gainst gossamer webs of mind misfirings
That blow my loose atoms, my smithereens.
I feel now the pain of the paradox
Of knowing the sting of oblivion
Feeling myself rot and consumed by pox
To become thoughtless misteps’ carrion.
My grief is without substance and unblessed
And ungrounded, ballast lost and now missed
The animal that feeds on the soulless
Will have no trouble dragging me from this.
Now I can hear a most terrible sound
The noise that can thwart even the ill wind
I fear for the sound as it comes around
Where rage, rejection, hopelessness begin.
It deafens me with the sound of collapse
Of my worth and value and self-esteem
Where once love was, my grief cannot adapt
When hearing how loud God Himself can scream.